OUTSOURCING JOBS

I needed to obtain a death certificate. I called the local Health Department and since the death occurred in Columbus I was told that I had to make contact with Franklin County. The local department told me it would cost $14.95 to have it mailed to me. I thought, "What the hey, with the cost of gas and my time, it would be simpler just to have it mailed." When I called Franklin County, I was given an 800-number to call. When I called, I noticed that the woman had a southern accent.

She asked where the death had occurred and I answered "University Hospital" and she asked me WHICH University Hospital. Now, if you are in Columbus, Ohio, you know there is only ONE University--THE Ohio State University--and obviously just ONE University Hospital.

I asked, "Where are you located since you are obviously NOT from Columbus, Ohio?" She answered, "We're in Brownsville, Texas." I practically screamed, "TEXAS?" She told me that they had the contract for handling the vital statistics for Franklin County. I told her that I knew it wasn't her fault but that it was absolutely CRAZY!

I told her that I wanted to have the document mailed to me and she took down my credit card information; when I finished, she repeated the information back to me and she said the charge would be $24.95. I screamed, "$24.95? Ohio told me it would be $14.95!" With that smarmy southern voice, she asked, "Oh, then you don't want overnight delivery?" I asked, "At ANY time did I indicate, suggest, hint, imply, denote or express indirectly that I wanted overnight delivery?" I heard her snigger as she covered her telephone. I was furious.

I said, "I want you to transfer me to your Manager IMMEDIATELY!" I lodged a complaint about her evident attempted manipulation to get me to unwittingly spend $24.95 instead of $14.95 and because of her indecorous behavior. When I used the word "snigger", the Manager told me that he did not know the words "snigger" or "indecorous"; I told him that both were perfectly good Anglo-Saxon words and "snigger" conveyed more than the words laugh, titter or snicker; he asked why I didn't just use common words and I answered "Because ONLY "snigger" conveys her disrespectfulness!" Then I said, "Just look up the words--here's how to spell them: s-n-i-g-g-e-r and i-n-d-e-c-o-r-o-u-s."

It's bad enough that the jobs were shipped from Franklin County to Texas but then to have her try to CHEAT me was unpardonable. I also called the Better Business Bureau and the Chamber of Commerce in Brownsville to complain. Do you think that I ever had a response from any of them?