SWAGE

When I began working in a factory, my brothers warned me that I would face a barrage of pranks and practical jokes, such as that rite-of-passage for kids: "snipe-hunting". They gave me numerous examples from their own experiences: being sent to get "brass magnet", "big weight", "long stand", "can of steam", "left-handed screwdriver", "hammer grease", "eye measures", "striped paint", and "board stretcher".

Being told about "board-stretcher" was prescient because my very first "fool's errand" happened when I was told we needed a "bacon stretcher", but being forewarned, I did not fall for it.

Being forearmed, I was always wary and guarded and when confronted I would always say something like: "Don't you already have one of those in your tool box?"

My friend John told me his favorite: he was told he had to fill out an "ID-one-oh-t form". Yes, he fell for IDIOT!

But after more than 30 years of never being fooled, one day one of my employees asked, "Sue, can you get me a SWEDGE from the crib?" I reacted, "Sure, you think that I'm going to fall for that?" The guy looked shocked, but said, "I asked for one and the crib guy said you had to approve it." I said, "Yeah, right, is it on your breakdown?" He answered, incredulously, "It's called out on my breakdown." He pointed to his job description and yes, indeed it called for a SWAGE tool.

Of course I knew what a swage was; I'd seen it on numerous breakdowns. I realized that I had never heard it pronounced as "SWEDGE". I'd never pronounced it before and realized I'd probably never heard the word spoken; in my mind, I'd always thought "SWAY-JUH".

I hurried to the crib and got the swage tool and sheepishly handed it to the worker. He'd never seen me acting that way; later his Team Leader said, "Lou asked why you acted so BIZARRE about the SWEDGE." I didn't share my paranoia!

When I told my brother Norman about the incident he said, "I don't know why, but it's always pronounced as SWEDGE in factories!"