LESSONS LEARNED

Working in management in manufacturing, I was the victim of--and witness to--numerous mean-spirited pranks. When I went into supervision my brothers warned me about being "set up" and I was always wary and on guard. Some examples and lessons learned:

Nasty perpetrators watched as a fellow male supervisor took a swig from a can of soda he'd left on his desk; one of the guys had sneaked and PEED in the can. LESSON LEARNED: Except at my home, I never take a drink from a container I've left unattended. I am always giving advice to women who go to bars: never leave your drink unattended!

I answered my phone at my desk on the manufacturing floor and could not hear a thing. When I looked at the receiver it was full of grease! LESSON LEARNED: to this day, whenever I answer a phone--even at my house--I look at the phone before putting it up to my ear!

Although we had chairs at our stand-up desks on the manufacturing floor, I never used a chair. Another supervisor was victimized because one of his employees had sliced around the seat cushion and put water in the seat cushion; when the man sat down, he had a wet bottom. A piece of advice I always gave to new supervisors: never wear light-colored slacks because employees cannot stand their bosses looking "too clean". LESSON LEARNED: always have a change of clothing with you at work.

The saddest--and sickest--example is about a man who stored his lunch in his stand-up desk. One day, when he bit into a sandwich, it had been smeared with feces. He had boasted to his fellow supervisors about disciplinary action he had taken with an employee. When nothing could be proven about who had committed the act, he quit. LESSON LEARNED: lock your desk, don't gloat, and never think that your employees don't know your habits; realize that your fellow supervisors have big mouths, and that you have no friends, only associates.

I have never figured out WHY that I was the recipient of phony phalluses at nearly every place I worked. I worked with greatly diverse people in my life but for some reason, it must have been assumed that I had a "SCHMECKEL SYNDROME". My first "present": I was a scaler in a meat-packing plant and as a pound of bacon came to my scale, when my hand was on top, I felt a mound; when I glanced down I saw that someone on the line had crafted an amazing sculpture of a PUTZ made of bacon! At the corrugated container plant, I opened my desk drawer to see an enormous replica of a SCHLONG made from shredded corrugated material and glue. When building trucks: I opened my desk drawer to discover a masterful creation made of dum-dum which had been sent through the paint booth and HARDENED! When building aircraft: I received a SCHWANZ made of sealant! LESSON LEARNED: they were like my cats bringing a dead bird to me to admire, and realize that most men are just ornery, little boys!

Les commented: "It IS interesting that you know so many euphemisms for penis and they're all Yiddish!"