FREE FALLIN'

My friend Patty sent a message that she had fallen and fractured her humerus and elbow and not to expect many messages because of her one-handed communication ability. She always maintains her humor, even about her humerus (she knows I couldn't resist that pun).

I am very afraid of falling. All winter I do "the old lady walk" (as Les calls it) and I clutch tenaciously onto anything I can--rails, banisters, my husband's arm--to keep from tumbling. My bone density tests show that I have strong bones with no sign of osteoporosis; my mother and neither of my grandmothers had any broken bones, thus I'm hopeful about genetics being indicative that I won't have any problems.

Everyone knows I am klutzy. Recently I fell UP the stairs. There are two steps from the family room to the laundry room. I had bought a pair of house slippers at Big Lots for $3.00 because Gerald and Les--and practically everybody I know--worry about my going around barefooted. I was still in my nightgown and I was wearing those new slippers as I started up the steps while holding my glass which contained some Coke and melting ice cubes. I tripped (and NOT the "light fantastic"), striking my temple on the door facing and then I fell backwards and hit a Longaberger basket and landed on my back on the floor. (Thank goodness for the carpet.) I was surprised that I didn't break the basket (good work, Longaberger employee) and that there was no cut on my gown.

At the time of my fall, Gerald and Les were still in bed. I crawled to the couch. I could feel that there was no cut on my face or head but I didn't have the nerve to look at my thigh; however, I could feel it bleeding and I put some Kleenex on it.

When Les came downstairs there was the mess of the broken glass and Coke on the laundry room floor and the Longaberger basket and its contents strewn on the family room floor.

He shook his head and said, "I've warned you about these late-night parties."

[One of the sayings of my brothers: "You know where to find sympathy?" It's in the dictionary between s**t and syphilis."]

Obviously I didn't get any sympathy, but just another lecture about how to carry stuff up the steps. When Gerald looked at my wound he thought I should go to the Emergency Room, but I put Neosporin and a gauze bandage on it. When I got to the bathroom I could see the big bruise on my head and the 5-inch gash in my thigh!

About an hour later, Les yelled, "Here's a song to make you feel better!" Yes, he played Tom Petty's Free Fallin'!