MY GRIEF IS MORE GRIEVOUS

I have an acquaintance who thinks that her grief is more grievous than the grief of others. I suggested that we could work on a project around Memorial Day. She said that she can't do anything for several days around Memorial Day, because she will be "too upset". I said, "I didn't know you had soldiers in your family." She asked, "What do you mean?" and I explained that Memorial Day is meant for deceased service men and women. She said, "I had people in World War II." I said, "You didn't even know them!" It's as if she thinks she's the only person in the world with sorrow. Everyone has tragedy; hers has to be "out there" rather than private!

I told her, "I think of Rose Kennedy; if she was able to bear her tragedies, then I certainly should be able to bear mine."

Another acquaintance refused to go to his brother's funeral. He said, "I don't like funerals." I fairly shrieked, "And WHO do you think LIKES them?" When his wife died, I had to shame him into going for the visitation which he himself had arranged to have for four hours. After about a half hour he stood up and said, "I have to go home and take my medicine." I said, "And who do you think is going to greet her friends?" He whimpered, "Can't you do it?" I said, "No, it's your job!"

An acquaintance's relative is constantly excused for her bad behavior, because she had tragedy in her life. She has gotten away with her inexcusable behavior for so long that she has nearly everyone cowered. She was obviously taken aback when I confronted her when she was nasty with me.

I have a family member who thinks that his "condition" should be an excuse for his bad behavior. An aunt on the other side actually said to me, "Oh, we can't get him upset; you don't know what he might do!" I asked her what she thought was going to happen. She said that she didn't know. I told her that he has gotten away with his grown-up tantrums for so long that he sees people truckle to his outbursts. She told me that I probably hadn't seen him "at his worst". I told her that I just wouldn't tolerate it and he knows who he can get by with that behavior. I continued that if he ever threatened to harm me I would call the police, simple as that; he has to learn how to control himself. I said, "Besides, I know I can move faster!"

When we accept their bad behavior then we are the enablers.