PATHETIC PUNS

Mona Lisa, exacting revenge for my punning, sent a collection of PATHETIC PUNS:

You can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish.

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger, then it hit me.


To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.

A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.

The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.

The batteries were given out free of charge.


When a dentist and a manicurist married, they fought tooth and nail.

A will is a dead giveaway.

If you don't pay your exorcist, you can get repossessed.

With her marriage, she got a new name, and a dress.

Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.

You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.


Local Area Network in Australia is the LAN down under.

A boiled egg is hard to beat.

When you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall. 

Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

Did you hear about the fellow whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.



If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.

A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.

In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism it's your Count that votes.

When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.

The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.

He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.

Acupuncture is a jab well done.