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Saturday, September 23, 2017

IRENE

Gerald and I and our friends frequent a Chinese restaurant so often that we have our "own table" and are greeted effusively by the proprietors and they automatically know our drink preferences.  

Recently our favorite employee there introduced us to her lovely little daughter and we naturally asked the child's name and she answered "Eileen".   Afterward I said, "I am ashamed of myself but I have to tell this "BOB" joke:  

What do you call an Asian girl with one arm and one leg leaning up against a wall?  IRENE!"

I had to refresh the memories of the other couple about "BOB" jokes:  

What do you call a guy with no arms and legs who likes to go swimming?  Of course, the answer is BOB!

On reflection, the "IRENE" bit wasn't the greatest joke, and I was greeted with disdain and groaning, but before judgement, guess what?  They all "got" the "IRENE" reference for "EILEEN/I LEAN" meaning, so they are just as bad, but when I later told my wiseacre brother, he said, "If you gotta explain 'em,..."

If you do not understand WHY that was included by me as a "BOB" jokes, see my article below from 2010:

                               BOB JOKES

OK, I admit, I have sick humor! Many years ago, I heard my first "BOB" joke:

"What do you call a guy with no arms and legs who likes to go swimming? BOB"

Over the years, I have maintained a collection of "BOB" and "BARB" jokes, much to the dismay of family and friends. Just let anyone say, "Hey, remember BOB jokes?" and I'm on a roll. Recently, a friend introduced another generation to BOB jokes and asked me, (dubbing me "the VENERABLE ONE") for my assistance. "Should I or should I not?", I wondered.  How could I disappoint a new generation?

What do you call a guy with no arms and legs who water skis? SKIP
Is in your mailbox? BILL 
Hangs on your wall? ART 
Is in front of your door? MATT 
Is under a car? JACK 
Rakes leaves? RUSSELL 
Was with wild animals? CLAUDE 
Is covered with cement? ROCK 
Was stoned to death? ROCKY 
Plays golf? CHIP 
Is on stage? MIKE 
Is in a vehicle? OTTO 
Is under a microscope? GENE 
Was struck by lightning? ROD 
Is in your spice rack? HERB or BASIL
Is in a flowerbed? PETE 
Flies over a fence? HOMER
Is in a bank vault? RICH 
Is in a hole? PHIL 
Is on 2 wheels? AXEL
Is in a coffee cup? JOE 
Is in a bank? BUCK 
Is covered with sauerkraut? REUBEN 
Is in a fireplace? BERNIE 
Is in a men's room? JOHN 
Is in a grocery bag? CARY 
Has been in collisions? REX 
Loosens Hex screws? ALLEN 
Is buried 6 feet under? DOUG 
Is buried 3 feet under? DOUGLAS 
Was cooked by cannibals? STU 
Is foaming at the mouth? BUD 
Is at a news desk? JUSTIN 
Is covered with glue? ELMER 
Is on a piece of paper? MARK 
Is covered with oil? DEREK 
Is remembered by the deceased? WILL 
Who does his own shaving? NICK
Is between two buildings? ALI 
Is in the end zone? SPIKE 
Whose head is underwater? DUNCAN 
Is an electrician? SPARKY 
Is under a bed? DUSTY 
Is in a lingerie drawer? TEDDY 
Is in a bathtub? DWAYNE

I can't have BOB jokes without including BARB jokes:

What do you call a woman with no arms and legs caught in a fence? BARB

Against a wall? EILEEN 
Floating on a pond? LILY 
In a vase? ROSE 
Who feels worthless? PENNY 
In a stream? BROOKE 
Holding a coat? PEG 
On a beach? SANDY 
With a breaking wind problem? GALE 
In a frying pan? PAM 
In a box of chocolates? CANDY 
Hanging from a chandelier? TIFFANY 
On your dining room table? CRYSTAL 
Between two slices of bread? PATTY

I've saved the self-deprecating one until last:

What do you call a woman with no arms and legs bringing a lawsuit to court? SUE

At least I didn't include HELEN KELLER jokes!

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