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Saturday, September 22, 2018

RED PEN



I enjoy the daily messages from URBAN DICTIONARY and have introduced a number of people to the site.

However, this morning, I received a "forward" of today's message (see below) with a single comment: "AHEM"!

Ahem? Hmmm? Could that message, perchance, suggest that I, myself, am guilty of the infraction of being a member of the "Red Pen Police"?

Despite opinion to the contrary, I DO NOT commit that egregious act! However, I am known to collect such examples and publish them under the heading: "CRINGE: FAYETTE COUNTY TALK".

In the preceding paragraph, I used the word "egregious", although I had promised my brother I would refrain from using it as I admittedly have overused it in the past. Since I've been a good girl for several months, I thought I might be forgiven for using it in a semi-self-deprecating way.

Red Pen Police:
People who preoccupy themselves with correcting the spelling and grammar of others - normally out of some self-esteem issue or desire to prove some value from their otherwise useless thirty-grand education.

Friday, September 21, 2018

INTERVIEWING REWARDS



In the Arthritis Foundation's Low Impact Water Exercise Program, the ages of the participants range from people in their twenties to the nineties. Several years ago, two older women came together and one of them, Bea, was in her 80's, the other, Martha, was in her 90s. Although Bea had been diagnosed with dementia, she still drove, and Martha, who was legally blind, was "sharp as a tack". One day Bea and Martha did not come to class and we learned that there had been an automobile accident and Bea was injured. Bea was away from class for awhile and although the accident was not her fault, she no longer drove.

Agnes, another classmate, said that she would bring Martha to class and I volunteered to bring Bea and take her home as she lived in my neighborhood. We had classes three days a week, and each day, I would drive up in her driveway, and Bea would be waiting; I would alight from the car, grab her satchel and off we would go to class. After class, I would take her home and I would get out of the car and make sure she was IN the house. She had a garage door opener in her bag and she would open the garage door and I would accompany her through the garage to her kitchen. I noticed Post-It Notes on the stove, refrigerator, table, etc. One day, she forgot the garage door opener. She said, "I have the code in my wallet." She handed it to me. I felt strange, knowing the code to her house. I thought to myself, "I wonder WHY none of her children has gotten in contact with me? I can't imagine that I would have allowed a stranger to have such access to my mother." Agnes said that I was an overly suspicious person. I answered, "This is how elderly people could be taken advantage of, swindled, and scammed."

Each day, during the 7-8 minutes I would spend in the car with Bea, I "interviewed" her. Although losing her short-term memory, her recollection of by-gone times seemed quite keen. I learned that she grew up in Minnesota; her father was a butcher who died when she was thirteen; her mother ran the butcher shop after the death of Bea's father. Bea met her future husband and they married and moved to a farm. They eventually moved to Ohio; she was the mother of five children and was a widow.

One day the attendant at the pool reminded Bea that she needed to pay her fee. She said that she would have to get her son to write a check. When we got to her house, I asked Bea if she wanted me to write a note to her son. I put the note on the refrigerator, with my name and telephone number. She brought a check with her the next time.

One day, during a conversation at the pool, someone said that she was "an old farm girl". Bea piped up and said, "I was a farm girl too." I said, "Bea, NO you weren't; you grew up in town; your dad was a butcher; he died when you were thirteen; you helped your mother at the butcher shop and when you got married that's when you moved to a farm." Bea giggled, sheepishly, but asked, incredulously, "HOW do you know all that?" Agnes said, sardonically, "Bea, if you wanna know anything about yourself, ask Sue; she interviews everybody and she doesn't forget anything!"

I am still stunned that none of the members of her family ever got in contact with the STRANGER who was with their mother three mornings a week for nearly a year. At Bea's funeral, I introduced myself and one of Bea's daughters asked how I knew her mother!

Thursday, September 20, 2018

CARDIO

FROM MONA LISA

Get a glass of red wine and watch the video to the end.

My doctor recently suggested that I take up the hula hoop for a good type of cardio exercise.

She also advised me that it was not as easy now as it was when I was 15.

I quickly informed her that I couldn't hula hoop even when I was 15.

So, the next day I went to K-Mart and bought a hoop.

It's true, I STILL can't master the darned thing, try as I might.

Then, lo and behold, this video was sent to me today.

I now have a purpose for honing my hula hoop skills (although I don't think this is exactly what she had in mind).

I'll keep you posted on my progress.

I've got the wine part down pat, however.

It gets better and better! JUST WAIT TILL THE END.

CLICK HERE to watch.

Wednesday, September 19, 2018

PERICHOR



Loving words as I do, I read an article in The Week, an online media that outlined the 19 Outstanding Words You Should Be Working Into Conversation.

I didn't know most of these words, but no doubt I'll throw some into conversations.


I like "perichor" very much and will use it.

I knew "glabella", just as I know "philtrum" (it should be on the list!).

I used "badinage"  as the title of Sue's News article last week..

CLICK HERE to read the list and learn.

Tuesday, September 18, 2018

HAPPY BUTT


When my mother was in school, there was a girl named Agatha in her class. Mother told me that Agatha's parents had seen the name Agatha in a story, but had never heard it pronounced. They thought the pronunciation was "UH-GATH-UH". When the girl went to school a teacher told her that the proper pronunciation was AG-UH-THUH.

Mother also told me that when she was in school, she thought it would be nifty if she spelled her name as "Gladace" instead of "Gladys". Her teacher returned a paper to Mother with "Gladace" crossed out with a red pen and then ridiculed Mother in class and imperiously told her that Gladace was properly pronounced with a "long a". When my friend Bobbi heard that story, she immediately started calling my mother "Happy Butt" (GLAD ASS)! Mother actually cherished that nickname.

One time, when I was in school, we were reading aloud in class. When it was classmate Charlotte's turn, she read her section and the name "Leonard" was in it; Charlotte pronounced it "LEE-UH-NARD" and the name was contained three excruciating times in her reading. Surprisingly, the teacher did not correct her and none of the fellow students laughed, but to this day, whenever I hear the name Leonard I think of Charlotte's pronunciation.

As a teenager, it was common for girls whose names ended in "y" to change the "y" to "i" (such as "Sandi" and "Patti"; we even had a boy change Larry to "Larri"). I remember that it was newsworthy when Luci Baines Johnson changed the spelling of her name from "Lucy" to "Luci".

I wonder why parents give their children names with unusual spellings. It just makes the lives of the children difficult. My husband's grand niece is named Stephenie instead of the usual Stephanie or Stefanie. She said that she's never been able to find anything with her name on it and her name is never spelled "right"! I just gave her a charm this year with "Stephenie" on it. Her sister plans to name her baby "Ethen" instead of Ethan. Why give children strikes against them?

Monday, September 17, 2018

TWICE AS MUCH WIFE



I asked my nephew why my brother didn't REALLY retire; after all, he receives an Army pension, a pension from International Truck and Engine, and Social Security, has rental income property, and investments, and yet he still works full-time. My nephew said, "Retirement--half as much income--TWICE AS MUCH WIFE!"