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Monday, May 21, 2018

DID YOU KNOW?

From Mona Lisa:

Stewardesses - is the longest word typed with only the left hand.

Lollipop - is the longest word typed with only the right hand.

No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple.

Dreamt - is the only English word that ends in the letters MT.

Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.

The sentence - The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog - uses every letter of the alphabet.

The words "racecar", "kayak", and "level" are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left (palindromes). 

There are only four words in the English language which end in "dous": tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous.

There are two words in the English language that have all five vowels in order: abstemious and facetious.

Typewriter is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.

A cat has 32 muscles in each ear,

A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.

A "jiffy" is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.

A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.

A snail can sleep for three years.

Almonds are a member of the peach family.

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

Babies are born without kneecaps. They don't appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age.

February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.



In the last 4,000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.

If the population of China walked past you, 8 abreast, the line would never end, because of the rate of reproduction.




Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors.

Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite.

Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.

The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.


The cruise liner, QE2 moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns.


The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket.


The winter of 1932 was so cold that Niagara Falls froze completely solid.







There are more chickens than people in the world.










Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance.



Women blink nearly twice as much as men.

And...

All the ants in Africa weigh more than ALL the elephants!

Sunday, May 20, 2018

SPACEY



One of my employees was known as "Spacey Casie" because she seemed to be not quite-in-tune with everyone else. On the one hand, she was a very attractive, sweet, generous, person but on the other hand, she was quite dense. As her fellow employees commented: "She's not the sharpest knife in the drawer," and "She's one taco short of a combo meal." Her conversations were a stream of non sequiturs.

One day it was brought to my attention that several employees had made cruel remarks to another employee who was disfigured. I gave a special assignment, outside the department, to the offended employee, and I gathered the remaining team members together to explain to them that not only was it unprofessional and downright mean to make remarks to their fellow team member, but it was also illegal as it caused a hostile work environment for her.

After I finished my lecture, I asked if there were any questions or comments and only Casie raised her hand to be recognized and she said, "Yes, I think it's really awful for people to be mean to her and I told her I know how she feels because I have one calf bigger than the other!" I, along with the group, sat in stunned silence as Casie proceeded to lift her pant legs to show us the difference in her calves. The difference was imperceptible from the distance I was from Casie. As if her first comment weren't bad enough, Casey continued, "I'm always embarrassed to wear a short skirt, so I really know how she feels."


No other words were spoken by me as all the team members arose and quietly left the room, all of us certainly dismayed that Casie was that oblivious.

Saturday, May 19, 2018

THUNKED!



I love purses but the irony is, I seldom carry one. Weddings, funerals, special events--all dressed up--yes, I'll carry a purse but since they've started using metal detectors at political events, poor Gerald has to carry my ID in his jacket pocket.  When I go shopping, I carry my credit card in the "safe"--my bra--and my phone in a pocket.

I received my first purse when I was 13; it was in some items my sister-in-law had given to me. It was a velvet clutch with a zipper with a loop on the end of the zipper. I felt so grown-up but I had very little to carry in it. I had started experimenting with make-up, much to the consternation of my brothers (typical remark: "What's that shit you got around your eyes?"). I soon had a bottle of Campana make-up, Maybelline mascara, Hazel Bishop lipstick, a compact (which I still have), some Kleenex, and a pen and notebook in my purse.  I didn't know that it was a fashion faux pas to carry a velvet purse for "everyday" use, as it was an "evening bag"; I carried it everywhere.

During the summer when I was 13 my sister-in-law was pregnant and I was staying with her while my brother was working second shift. I don't know what they thought a 13-year old could do to help (maybe boil water?) but he would pick me up in the afternoon and take me to their apartment and then he would take me home at midnight. She had the baby the week before school started.

At that time our local radio station would give away movie tickets to the first person who called in with the correct answer. There were limits on the number of times one could win; thus, I would use a number of aliases. I won a lot of movie tickets and my sister-in-law and I would walk from their apartment on Temple Street to the Chakeres Fayette Theater.

One night we were sitting watching a movie and three young men (probably teenagers) came in and sat down behind us and they started making suggestive remarks to my very-pregnant sister-in-law. Despite my make-up, the remarks were not made to me. I had a short hair-do (which I'd had the beautician cut like Elvis' DA) and as I had not "blossomed", they might have thought I was a boy.

I turned around and hit one of them with my velvet purse which contained that bottle of Campana make-up. As it THUNKED against his head he let out a yelp and the three of them skedaddled. To this day, my sister-in-law tells the story to peals of her own laughter.

Friday, May 18, 2018

LAUREL/YANNY

This is the latest internet conundrum:  which word do you hear being pronounced:  LAUREL or YANNY?

When I first heard it on The View, I distinctly heard "YANNY";  later, listening on The Chew, it sounded like "YAMMY";  now, listening here, it sounds like "YARRY" to me:


WTH?

Only one of the ten people I surveyed heard "Laurel".

Wednesday, May 16, 2018

BLUE BIRD OF HAPPINESS

My father, my brothers Bode and Gary and my husband Gerald all worked at Pennington Bread.

In the days before the Bakery Thrift Store was created, employees could take home day-old merchandise. To this day I do not like FRESH bread because I was accustomed to day-old bread. I find fresh bread to be doughy and just too yeasty. We could never consume all the
products he brought home so our rabbits and chickens were fattened with days-old bread and pastries. One time Mother looked out the door and saw our pet raccoon RACKY washing a sweet roll. Every once in awhile I will see banana flips and have a yen for one but they actually taste terrible now.

Pennington's distributed Blue Bird Pies which were sold in restaurants. The pans were recycled and the salesmen were responsible for returning the pie pans. The pie pans are 8-inch heavy aluminum pans. When Blue Bird Pies were discontinued, my father brought home a box of pie pans. These are still the best pie pans I have ever used and the only pans I use for pies to eat at home.

Several years ago, I was at Caesar's Creek Flea Market and I heard a vendor telling a woman that the Blue Bird pie pan she was looking at was "at least 90 years old.";  I interjected, "But how do you know that?" He said, "Because I know when the Company was in business." I said, "But that particular pan is from the 1950's." The woman asked, "How do YOU know that?" I explained that my father had worked at Pennington's and that particular pan was new when I was a kid and that I had several different designs of Blue Bird pans I inherited. He had a price of $15.00 on the pan. I said to her, "Call me and I'll sell you a better one for a dollar." The vendor said that he was going to call Security and that he wanted me to leave his area. I said, "Yeah, tell them to come over here and I'll report you for fraud."

Of course, I was kidding about selling the pan because I would never part with any of mine.

When my father died, this clipping was in his wallet:

A MAN LIVED BY THE SIDE OF THE ROAD

... and sold hot dogs.
He was hard of hearing, so he had no radio.
He had trouble with his eyes, so he had no newspaper.

But he sold good hot dogs.

He put up a sign on the highway, telling how good they were.

He stood by the side of the road and cried, "Buy a hot dog, mister." And people bought.

He increased his meat and bun orders and he bought a bigger stove to take care of his trade.

He got his son home from college to help him. But then something happened.

His son said, "Father, haven't you been listening to the radio? There's a big depression on. The International situation is terrible, and the Domestic situation is even worse."

Whereupon, the father thought, "Well, my son has been to college.

He listens to the radio and reads the papers, so he ought to know."

So the father cut down his bun order, took down his advertising signs, and no longer bothered to stand on the highway to sell hot dogs.

His hot dog sales fell almost over night.

"You were right, son," the father said to the boy, "We are certainly in the middle of a great depression."

---Watson Publications.

P.S. Business IS good...ask any Pennington Bread Salesman.

Tuesday, May 15, 2018

"DOWN THERE"


My mother never liked to use scientific words for "private" body parts. As a youngster, as soon as I learned the "correct" names for the anatomy I would insist on using those words but Mother would always cringe at hearing them and would say, "Do you have to say words like THAT?"One time I said, "Mother, it's much better than saying tallywhacker!" 

One day we were talking about childhood accidents and my brother Kenny told about a medical questionnaire for the service and he said that he wrote that he had a scar on his scrotum from a zipper accident as a little boy. My mother shrieked and said, "You told them you had a scar DOWN THERE?" He laughed and said, "Mom, DOWN THERE just wasn't specific enough for the Air Force."

My sister-in-law took her baby boy to the doctor and asked him to check his tallywacker. The doctor said, "I've heard it called a lot of things, but never that!"


Mother loved Oprah and watched her every day and would always report about what Oprah had to say. I had only seen snippets of Oprah's show but after Mother died, I asked Les to tape Oprah as it was comforting to me to watch Mother's favorite. After Dr. Oz started appearing on the show, the first time I heard Oprah say "V-J-J", I was taking a drink of Coca Cola and I literally did a spit-take, coughing, choking, with liquid coming from my nose, and laughing, I thought, "Oh, that would have made Mother so happy to hear V-J-J for vagina!"