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Monday, July 28, 2014

BIRTHDAY BONUSES

I sign up for all the "birthday" specials at different restaurants and sites. You can go to their websites to sign up for the offers.

My "gifts" this year include: free appetizer or dessert at Olive Garden, Longhorn, and Red Lobster; free Blizzard from Dairy Queen; BOGOs from Bob Evans, Denny's, and a bonanza of coupons from other companies.

The good news is that I do not have to use them ON my birthday. My Red Hat Ladies group will have its July luncheon at Longhorn!

"Bonuses" I didn't accept: opportunities to increase credit card allowances!

Sunday, July 27, 2014

CRYSTAL BLUE

After bringing Gerald home from the hospital and after completing all of my obligatory phone calls Les asked, "Surely you have SOME amusing anecdote to relate, don't you?"

I said, "Well, the doctor's name was Jude but I refrained from singing Hey, Jude, and the nurse's name was Crystal; Gerald and I both serenaded her with Crystal Blue Persuasion."

"Do you know what's sad?" I asked. "The girl had never even heard of the song." Gerald asked her if she'd watched Breaking Bad because the song was on the final episode.

Listen to Tommy James and The Shondells recording from 1969.



See the Facebook message below sent to me by a friend who knows me very well.

Saturday, July 26, 2014

I'D RATHER BE DRIVING MY MASERATI

My brother says that there are two kinds of people in the world: those who put bumper stickers on their cars and those who don't.

Last year there were bets among my family and friends about how long it would take for me to have bumper stickers on my new car.

The winner chose "less than a week".

The only car I have not adorned with bumper stickers is the Corvette, although I did want to have a bumper sticker made to put on the Corvette proclaiming: "I'd rather be driving my Maserati", which was a gibe at those vainglorious Corvette owners who place stickers on their other vehicles proclaiming, "I'd rather be driving my Corvette." See the license plate holder which Gerald thought was a better idea, but of course I wouldn't have that on my car either!

The Facebook message from my friend Mona Lisa states: They asked why I don't have tattoos. So I told them, "Do you see a Ferrari with bumper stickers?"

Friday, July 25, 2014

FURLA

A young woman came into Gerald's hospital room and she was wearing black ballet-flats, black slacks, with a chartreuse sweater atop a black blouse. She was also carrying a pumpkin-colored purse which I thought I recognized from the Fendi collection.

I asked, "Hi, who are you?" She introduced herself as the neurologist on duty.

Doctors surely dress differently these days. Being an oldster, I would never have chosen her combination of clothes and accessories, but she looked very attractive.

She began taking her medical instruments from the pumpkin-colored bag. THAT is her medical bag!

When she had completed her examination-- which I thought was very thorough-- I asked, "Is that a Fendi bag?"

She laughed and said, "Oh, no, it's a Furla; I couldn't afford a Fendi; my sister is the bag expert and she thought this one looked sturdy to use for my valise."

I said, "Oh, I wish I had a Judith Leiber but I have to be satisfied with this Burberry."

She said, "Yes, I noticed; that bag looks very nice too."

Gerald asked, "Do you two want to discuss MY case?"

Thursday, July 24, 2014

WOLFIE

A recent television show featured several people who keep wild animals such as tigers and pythons as pets. The naivete of the people who never believe that their animals will escape and harm anyone is astounding! (CLICK HERE to see article "Why A Wolf Will Never Be Man's Best Friend")

I have known two people who kept wild animals. One was named Wolfgang, but all the guys at work called him "Wolfie". He had come to this country from Germany after World war II and was a Tool and Die Maker. I had noticed quite a number of scars on his hands, arms, and neck, but I certainly was not going to ask about them. One day Wolfgang asked, "Would you like to see pictures of my babies?" I looked at the pictures, gasped, and asked, "Are those wolves?"

He answered, "Yes, aren't they beautiful?" I said, "Yes, they certainly are but are you allowed to keep them?" He seemed surprised that I would suggest that and replied, "Oh, they won't hurt anyone." I asked, "Did you get those scars from the wolves?" He answered, in a blasé tone, "Oh, no, those came from the lions." I fairly screaked, "LIONS? You have lions too?"

I recall reading Wolfgang's widow's obituary: "preceded in death by her husband of 44 years Wolfgang, and by their beloved lion Victor." (see here)

I often wondered if the love of wolves started because of his given name.

The other man, Alex, also a German, was the Engineer for the Robotic Welders at work, and he also kept wolves as pets. Although I don't believe in stereotypes, I wondered to myself, "Can there be a connection between these guys both being German, being mechanically inclined, and both loving wolves?"

Wednesday, July 23, 2014

GODWIN'S LAW

Godwin's Law Of Nazi Analogies, an internet law which is now more than twenty years old, is described like this: "As an online discussion grows longer, the probability of a comparison involving Nazis or Hitler approaches one. The first to 'play the Nazi card' loses any argument and all respect."

CLICK HERE to see the article from The Huffington Post which details the prevalent use of the analogies. Any time I hear a commentator--whether conservative or liberal--use a Nazi analogy, I immediately spurn them.

I understand that I was attacked on a local hate sheet by being referred to as a "GRAMMARNAZI". I don't--and won't--read the scurrilous screed, but a "reliable source" informed me about it. I ignore those reprehensible hate-mongers, but this one was just too ludicrous to disregard. It's almost as reprehensible as the vile invective spewed by that radio personality who uses the term FEMINAZI!

If "the Gang Of 5" knew anything about me, they would know that I am the exact opposite of a Nazi as I am an admitted left-winger. Oh, silly me, that would mean that they actually knew the difference between a right-winger and a left-winger.

The Nazis would have been rounding me up along with the Jews, Gypsies, atheists, intellectuals, and homosexuals.