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Tuesday, January 31, 2012

420 44-CENT STAMPS

I just counted my stamps to see how many 1-cent stamps I need to buy because of the increase in postage!

420!

I love stamps, but I am NOT a stamp collector. With online bill payment, we don't need many stamps until I have Christmas cards or a political mailing, but I like to use stamps which are meaningful to me or others.

I like to use stamps which are relevant to the person to whom I'm sending. When the John Wayne stamps were issued, I bought a sheet for my brother. The mother of my sister-in-law was thrilled because I sent her a note and used a Cary Grant stamp. I gave her the remainder from the sheet! My friend Patty always notices the stamps and comments about the significance! Whether it's a yellow rose, favorite actor, historical figure and yes, even sports, she notices.

One person asked me, "Did you know that the person on the stamp was a favorite of mine?" Well, DUH!

When the Elvis stamps were issued, of course, I bought several sheets and I have used them sparingly over the years JUST to send to fellow Elvis fans on special Elvis occasions.



Last year I bought a sheet of Mark Twain stamps because I adore Mark Twain and I sent half the sheet to a Facebook friend (whom I have never met) from St. Joseph, MO, because he quotes Twain all the time.

An older friend loved Roy Rogers; I sent him all of the Roy Rogers stamps from the "Western Heroes" sheet and I put a Gene Autry stamp on the envelope. Inside I wrote:

"Knock knock.
Who's there?
Kilroy.
Kilroy who?
KILL Roy rogers, I'm a Gene Autry fan!"

After that, when we would be together at gatherings, at least six times, he would joyfully tell about my sending the stamps and the awful "Knock Knock" joke. Gerald said, "I can't believe how much that meant to him!"

Imagine my excitement when the Audrey Hepburn stamps were issued! Gerald bought Katherine Hepburn stamps by mistake; I cannot tolerate her! Obviously I still have 20 of those!



Last year, I began the "365 THANK YOUS" (see Sue's News, January 11, 2011); I was an abject failure as I only lasted 3 months sending thank you notes!

Monday, January 30, 2012

JOACHIM


My brother Bode was living in Pensacola, FL but he needed to go to Mobile, AL. This was before the days of GPS and he'd been given directions to an address on Joachim Street. He didn't have a map. After being lost for some time, he stopped at a market to ask for directions and, of course, he asked for the location of Joachim Street, pronouncing it as "Wah-keem". The woman at the store said she'd lived there all of her life, but had never heard of the street. Bode kept insisting that he knew he had to be close to the street, according to the directions he'd been given. Finally, Bode handed her the paper with the directions on it and she exclaimed, "Oh, you mean JOE-ACK-UM!"

Saint Joachim and Saint Anne are probably turning over in their graves to hear how his name is butchered!

In telling me the story, Bode said, "Well, I shouldn't be surprised by these Southerners; our secretary's name is Beatrice Buchanan but she insists it's pronounced BEE-AT-TRUSS BUCK-HANNON!"

Sunday, January 29, 2012

THE BEAUTIFUL EAGLE

From CHARLENE DALTON

ESPECIALLY FOR GERALD















When it rains, most birds head for shelter; the eagle is the only bird that, in order to avoid the rain, starts flying above the clouds.

An amazing tidbit about the eagle's eyesight: the eagle can probably identify a rabbit moving almost a mile away. That means that an eagle flying at an altitude of 1000 feet over open country could spot prey over an area of almost 3 square miles from a fixed position.

Saturday, January 28, 2012

"THEY SAY SO IS HALF A LIE"


Today, in the locker room, after aerobics, one of my friends and I were discussing movies and she mentioned that she'd just watched "Funny Girl" for the umpteenth time and there was an actress whose name she couldn't remember. When she told about the character I said, "Anne Francis" and we spoke of other roles we'd seen her play. My friend then said how much Barbra had changed over the years and I remarked, "Well, after all, she'll be 70 in April, but she still looks pretty damned good!" [YES, I do know Barbra's birthday!]

A woman disrobing next to me, whom I will admit, I do not like, said, "Well, with all those face lifts and Botox, she should!" I pounced and said, "Were you there when she supposedly had it done?" She looked stunned at being confronted, but I'll give the woman credit because she responded with, "That's why she can't sing any more; she can't move her mouth!" I literally screamed, "CAN'T sing? When's the last time you heard her sing? I just so happen to have her Concert CD in my car right now and she sounds great!" The woman countered with, "They say so." Of course I didn't give her the opportunity to continue. I said, "A wise man once said, "They say so is half a lie." but you just told a whole lie because YOU weren't there and cannot say anything about her!" Fortunately, the woman left in a huff. If she had just said that she didn't like Barbra then it would not have bothered me, but she had to couch her opinion with ignorance!

I do confront people by saying, "Were you there?"; "Did you see it yourself?"; "How do you know?"; "I don't believe it", and "I seriously doubt that.", among other charming retorts. Of course I know this is an irritant but I dislike it when people use generalizations, stereotypes, rumors and lies and try to pass them off as facts. I am currently in the midst of a Facebook thread which is on the Facebook account of a friend of mine and although I do not even know the offensive person, her postings are so replete with gross generalizations, stunning stereotypes, blatant bigotry and malicious maligning that she must be confronted. [Oh, how I love alliteration: gross generalizations, stunning stereotypes, blatant bigotry and malicious maligning!]

Why do I care? Hell if I know!

Friday, January 27, 2012

IMMANENT


The A.Word.A.Day word for today is IMMANENT (see below). Of course I know imminent and eminent; why didn't I know immanent? Whenever I learn that a word is derived from Latin and I do not know it, I become upset with myself, because I used to be very good with Latin derivatives!

When my teacher of Latin died, I used a quote in Latin on the sympathy card with the flowers I sent. Her daughter told me how much she appreciated it and she was sure that her mother would have appreciated it.

She and I laughed because I told her that in Third Year Latin I asked her mother if I could translate OVID and I was given an emphatic "NO!"; instead I translated Virgil! The following year I asked once again to translate Ovid but was assigned Cicero.

From MARCUS TULLIUS CICERO: "Assiduus usus uni rei deditus et ingenuum et artem saepe vinat." ("Constant practice devoted to one subject often outdoes both intelligence and skill.")

Sometimes it paid to be a GRIND!


A.Word.A.Day
with Anu Garg


immanent
PRONUNCIATION:
(IM-uh-nuhnt)

MEANING:
adjective:
1. Inherent; spread throughout.
2. Subjective: taking place within the mind and having no effect outside of it.

Thursday, January 26, 2012

THE LITTLE MAN ON TOP OF A WEDDING CAKE


Tonight at dinner, our friend Bob told about the 1944 election when Thomas Dewey ran against FDR, and Alice Roosevelt Longworth stated that Dewey wouldn't be elected because "He looks like the little man on top of a wedding cake."

I told about the time that Gerald and I decided to go to a comedy club after we had attended a wedding. I was wearing a long dress and Gerald was wearing a brocade dinner jacket and a velvet bow tie. We were obviously "overdressed" for a comedy club!

A comedian was already onstage, performing. As we were being escorted to our seats the comedian said, "Hey, you look like the guy on top of a wedding cake!", to which I responded, "But YOU don't look like Alice Roosevelt." The comedian said, "Don't step on my punch lines, Lady!"

After that, the comedian came out into the audience with his microphone and was having a great time ridiculing our clothes. He told Gerald to stand up to model and when Gerald stood up, I began applauding and cheering! Fortunately, the comedian went to another table to abuse those folks.

My favorite Alice Roosevelt Longworth quote: "If you can't say something nice about somebody, come over and sit next to me!"

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

CLEVER IDEAS TO MAKE LIFE EASIER

FROM: CHARLENE DALTON

Why didn't I think of that? I guarantee that you’ll be uttering those words more than once because of these ingenious little tips, tricks and ideas that solve everyday problems.

1. Hull strawberries easily using a straw.

2. Rubbing a walnut over scratches in your furniture will disguise scratches and dings.

3. Remove crayon masterpieces from your TV or computer screen with WD40.

4. Stop cut apples from browning in your child’s lunch box by securing with a rubber band.


5. Overhaul your linen cupboard, store bed linen sets inside one of their own pillowcases and there will be no more hunting through piles for a match.

6. Pump up the volume by placing your iPhone or iPod in a bowl. The concave shape amplifies the music.

7. Re-use a wet-wipes container to store plastic bags.

8. Add baby powder to your beach bag. Baby powder gets sand off your skin easily; who knew?

9. Attach a Velcro strip to the wall to store soft toys.

10. Use wire to make a space to store gift wrap rolls against the ceiling, or the back of a closet, rather than cluttering up the floor.

11. Find tiny lost items like earrings by putting a stocking over the vacuum hose.

12. Make an instant cupcake carrier by cutting crosses into a box lid.

13. Forever losing your bathroom essentials? Use magnetic strips to store bobby pins, tweezers and clippers, behind a vanity door.

14. Store shoes inside shower caps while traveling to stop dirty soles rubbing on your clothes. And you can find them in just about every hotel.

15. A muffin pan becomes a craft caddy. Magnets hold the plastic cups down to make them tip-resistant.


16. Bread tags make the perfect cord labels.

17. Bake cupcakes directly in ice-cream cones, so much more fun and easier for kids to eat.

18. Microwave your own popcorn in a plain brown paper bag. Much healthier and cheaper than the packet stuff.

19. Install a tension rod to hang your spray bottles.

20. Turn your muffin pan upside down, bake cookie-dough over the top and voila, you have cookie bowls for fruit or ice-cream.

21. Freeze Aloe Vera in ice-cube trays for soothing sunburn relief.

22. Create a window-box veggie patch using guttering.

23. Use egg cartons to separate and store your Christmas decorations.

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

THYROID CANCER


FROM: PATTY BURCH

Recently, Dr. Oz had a show about the fastest growing cancer in women which is thyroid cancer. It was a very interesting program; he mentioned that the increase could possibly be related to the use of dental x-rays and mammograms. He demonstrated that on the apron dentists put on patients for dental x-rays, there is a little flap that can be lifted up and wrapped around the patient's neck. Many dentists don't bother to use it. Also, there is something called a "thyroid guard" for use during mammograms.

By coincidence, I had my yearly mammogram yesterday. I felt a little silly, but I asked about the guard and sure enough, the technician had one in a drawer. I asked why it wasn't routinely used. Answer: "I don't know; you have to ask for it." Well, if I hadn't seen the show, how would I have known to ask?

We need to pass this on to our daughters, nieces, mothers, and to all of our female friends and husbands: tell your wives! I just did, now you send it on to your list.

Monday, January 23, 2012

Sunday, January 22, 2012

PANTY HOSE RIDDLE

From Charlene Dalton

How many animals can you fit into a pair of pantyhose?




10 Little Piggys

2 Calfs










1 Ass










and an unknown number of hares.

Saturday, January 21, 2012

GOLF BALLS, PEBBLES, SAND AND BEER



FROM LEE RENO


When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the 2 beers.

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him.

When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls.

He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly.

The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full.

They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar.

Of course, the sand filled up everything else.

He asked once more if the jar was full.

The students responded with a unanimous, "Yes!"

The professor then produced two beers from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand.

The students laughed.

"Now", said the professor as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life."

The golf balls are the important things---your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions---and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter such as your job, your house and your car.

The sand is everything else: the small stuff.

"If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls."

The same goes for life.

If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you.

Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.

Spend time with your children.

Spend time with your parents.

Visit with grandparents.

Take your spouse out to dinner.

Play another 18.

There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal.

Take care of the golf balls first: the things that really matter.

Set your priorities.

The rest is just sand.

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the beer represented.

The professor smiled and said, "I'm glad you asked."

"The beer just shows you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of beers with a friend."

Friday, January 20, 2012

FAT CHANCE


Les asked, "What's the difference between fat chance and slim chance?"

I said, "I think fat chance means there's no hope and slim chance means there's some hope."

I conducted a survey with the people I encountered today and nearly all agreed that fat chance and slim chance are the same thing.

Then my friend John told me, "You've got two choices: Fat and Slim and Slim just left town."

I think that "fat chance" is usually said sarcastically or ironically.

Thursday, January 19, 2012

IS SHE BLIND?


Recently I awoke with a swollen area below my eye. Within a day it looked inflamed and I began to wear sunglasses. Unbelievably, I do not own a pair of sunglasses, but Gerald, who has an obsession with sunglasses, has a rack in the laundry room to hold his collection. I took the first pair on there and they were gigantic and I began wearing them.

After the swelling progressed to my cheekbone, I went to see our Nurse Practitioners (as we do not have an Urgent Care).

It was 7:00 PM and I was sitting in the waiting room and I was trying my best to look like Jacqueline Kennedy in my big, dark sunglasses. The room was crowded and there was an annoying child romping around and he kept looking at me. In his loud, irritating voice I heard him ask his mommy, "Is she blind?" When it was my turn to go into the examination room, I began clinging to the wall, "feeling" my way to the door!

The receptionist, who was holding the door for me to enter, asked, "Sue, are you feeling faint?" I told her about the brat. She told me that I am terrible. Hell, we already knew THAT, didn't we?

Well, the lovely nurse diagnosed a stye, gave me a shot, a prescription for salve, and a recommendation to use hot compresses.

I thought that styes were only at the eyelids but learned they can be anywhere!

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

MORE PUNCTUATION MARKS THAT YOU NEVER KNEW EXISTED

Section Sign - To indicate sections in a text, mostly by lawyers, who are too good for regular punctuation marks. You probably knew this one, but it's so cool-looking.




Exclamation Comma - Just because you're excited about something doesn't mean you have to end the sentence.





Question Comma - The interrogative version of its best friend the Exclamation Comma.






Interrobang - It's a combo-Exclamation/Question mark, and it's awesome. It is the glorious punctuational equivalent of saying OMGWTF?!




Hedera - Hedera is Latin for ivy. Why that is relevant here is not very clear at all, but this little glyph was used back in the day to mark paragraph breaks. Seems like it was probably really hard and annoying to draw, but it looks nice.


Pilcrow - This one's also for paragraph breaks. Most people will be familiar with it, though not with the fact that it's called a Pilcrow. It's also referred to as "The Blind P," which sounds like a good name for some hopelessly twee indie band. "Pilcrow" is the Middle English word for "Paragraph." You will never be able to use that fun fact in real life.

Snark - Also called the Percontation Point and the Irony Mark, this one's used to indicate that there's another layer of meaning in a sentence. Usually a sarcastic or ironic one. So it is essentially a tool for smart people to use to make stupid people feel even stupider. Which makes it the best punctuation mark of all.

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

SOME PUNCTUATION MARKS THAT YOU NEVER KNEW EXISTED


Dagger - Also called an Obelisk. This bad boy (on the left), and its two-headed friend (on the right) the Double Dagger or Diesis, represents a javelin, which is cutting out extraneous stuff from your text. Its primary use through the ages has been to mark out superfluous repetitions in translation, though nowadays it mostly just stands in as a kind of footnote.

Caret - Also called a Wedge, an Up-Arrow, and a Hat, which is cute. The word caret is Latin for "it lacks," which is convenient, because the caret is primarily used to indicate something that's missing from the original text.



Solidus - Not to be confused with a slash! The Solidus is also called a Shilling Mark (presumably by old British dudes in top hats) and it is at a much steeper angle than a boring old backslash. Back before decimilization took the world by storm, the Solidus was used to set apart different values of currency from each other.



Asterism - The Asterism has an awesome name, a cool look, and a really lame usage. It's for indicating minor breaks in text. It can also mean "untitled," apparently.






Guillemets - Guillemets means "Little Williams," which is interesting but unhelpful. They're named after a 16th Century French printer. Their primary role is in non-English languages that use them as quotation marks.


Sheffer Stroke - Mainly used for Boolean functions and propositional calculus. Truth tables. Stuff like that.








Because Sign - This one's so cool. It's like the "Therefore" sign, but upside-down, and it means because.







Tomorrow I will have seven more examples.