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Thursday, January 31, 2013

A HINT PAYS OFF


These are pictures of a gorgeous jewelry box my brother Duke made for me. It is made from walnut and cherry woods. Last year he made a smaller one of the same design. I told him it looked like an Eero Saarinen design.

Whenever my brother Les thinks that I am hinting, he performs an exaggerated falling-over, stumbling routine and says with exasperation, "I just about got knocked over by that hint!"


I guess that throwing out the hint, "Oh, I have too much Red Hat jewelry to fit in it" paid off because I now have this one which is twice as big!




Wednesday, January 30, 2013

APPROPRIATE


I like to look at cards which other people send/receive. It reveals a great deal about people. My friend Patty and I are known to send six or seven cards for our birthdays, as one card just doesn't say it all! My brother Norman has been known to cross out the price of the card on the back, because I'm known to look at the back of the card. Once, he wrote, "None of your business, Nosy!" Another time he wrote, "No, I didn't care enough to send the very best!"

My client celebrated his 90th birthday and he received a large number of cards; the cards ranged from religious to humorous. However, the card from his son was obviously meant to be "funny", but not only was it decidedly NOT funny, but I also felt it was insulting! Of course, he could have sent a birthday card with DAD on it, as there are dozens of those available or he could have found one with "90TH BIRTHDAY", as I saw several selections of those. Instead he sent one which had on the front: "Someone like you is way too special for just a birthday card..." and when opened, it read, "So you can keep the envelope too!"

Does anyone I know think that's funny or appropriate?

What kind of person would send a "funny" card to one's parent on the 90th birthday? I was not surprised as the Christmas card he sent last year was meant to be humorous but it was also NOT funny and very inappropriate to send to a parent!


This person tries to be amusing, but he has no wit! He tries to impress with intellect, but is unbelievably ignorant. As a bigot, he is proud of his bigotry. As another friend asked, "How could that person have come from two such nice people?"

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

CRINGE, FAYETTE COUNTY TALK, again

Yesterday, at a party, I was making punch. My sister-in-law asked, "What all do you put in there?" I began to list the ingredients and when I said sherbet, she then asked, "What kind of SHERBERT?"

I thought, "Oh, my God, did she just do what I think she did--pronounce it as "sherbert"-- to try to correct my pronunciation?" I detest that passive-aggressive behavior. I didn't say anything then, but when she said "sherbert" again, for no discernible reason other than to just say the word for my edification, I thought, "Well, Hell, she's just saying that to rub it in!"

I pointed to the sherbet container and said, quietly, "It's sherbet; there's only one R in it!"

She had brought sandwiches which she had labeled, and I had debated earlier whether to tell her that she had pimento spelled as "pimentoe". I said, "Hey, Dan Quayle, you have pimento misspelled!" She didn't "get" the Dan Quayle reference but her daughter did, and laughed appreciatively.

She was cool to me the remainder of the day!



Monday, January 28, 2013

FAILIN' PALIN


Fox News announced that it has "parted ways" with the former Half-Governor of Alaska, Sarah Palin and will not renew her contract which had reportedly been $1 million per year.

Until last week, Palin was in negotiations with Fox News about her contract. It is currently unknown whether the parting was her choice.

As one would expect, Twitter has been overflowing with comments.

Here are some of my favorites:

From RJ:
Failin' Palin
Lyin' Ryan,
Do I detect a trend?
I'm betting on it.

From ANDREW KACZYNSKI:
The Blaze and Al Jazerrah in a bidding war for Palin

From MICHAEL:
How's that lyin' and fear-mongerin' workin' out for ya?

From DAVID FRUM:
The Palin business will be v difficult to explain to future generations, like Boulangerism in France.

From RYAN B:
Sarah Palin quit something; what a shocker!

From JIM NEWELL:
Best of luck to sarah palin as she returns to the meth business.

From BOBBYGATE:
I saw where her latest book was marked down to $2. Your 15 minutes are up, Sarah!

From ERIC KLEEFELD:
Sarah Palin actually lasted longer at Fox News than she did as Governor of Alaska.

From DELRAYSER:
Hey, Sarah, how's that Fox-y, News-y thing workin' out for ya?

From JULIALOFFE:
Now seeking ideas for what Palin will use that Wasilla studio for!

From MICHAEL KIRCHER:
I think she should run for Governor of Newt Gingerich's colony on the moon.

From LOLGOP:
Congratulations, Governor Palin. If I remember the Gospels correctly, Jesus only worked at Fox News for a few years too.

From ELIOT NELSON:
Palin can catch up on her reading.

Palin was an embarrassment to all women, Republican and Democrat. One hopes she will now slink away!

Sunday, January 27, 2013

FIND YOUR ROLE MODEL


Using simple math, find out who your role model truly is. Mine was a BIG surprise. It certainly wasn't what I would have picked.




FIRST, do the simple math below.
THEN, see below to find your role model.

It is truly remarkable just how accurate this is!


1) Pick your favorite number between 1 and 8
2) Multiply your choice by 3
3) Add 3
4) Multiply again by 3
5) You'll get a 2 digit number (maybe 42, for example)
6) Add the digits together. (Example 4 and 2 = 6)




With that number, see who your ROLE MODEL is from the list below:

1. Albert Einstein

2. Oprah Winfrey

3. Mother Theresa

4. Ronald Reagan

5. Bill Gates

6. Gandhi

7. Eleanor Roosevelt

8. Babe Ruth

9. Sue Raypole

10. Winston Churchill

11. Barbara Walters

12. The Dalai Lama

I know, I know! I just have that effect on people. One day you too, can be like me. Believe it!

P.S. Stop picking different numbers!! I AM YOUR ROLE MODEL, JUST DEAL WITH IT!





Saturday, January 26, 2013

LIFE'S A TUXEDO......


In responding to my article PLUS CA CHANGE, PLUS CES'T LE MEME CHOSE about kids (among them, her grandsons) not wearing their coats in the winter, my friend Patty wrote:

"When I was younger, Mom bought some of our clothes from Goodwill. We were poor like you. Once, Mom brought home the ugliest coat I have ever seen in my life. It was gray with huge shoulder pads and furry tassels on it. Really ugly. I wasn't too picky, but I knew I wasn't going to wear that damn coat. I went off to school in it, and immediately put it in the cloak room where I planned keeping it. At recess I was out in freezing temperature with no coat. The teacher blew me in by calling my mom. I could tell Mom felt very bad when she got home from work, but somehow she had a new, stylish coat for me. I have no idea how much she sacrificed for that coat. I also had a horrid pair of brown shoes (in a tuxedo world) in the 6th grade. Other than that, I think I looked pretty good in my hand-me-downs and Goodwill outfits."

I love to have Patty's comments because they are always very witty. I replied that her message was evocative of the song Scarlet Ribbons by The Browns! I also wrote that the term "cloak room" MUST be removed from our vocabularies because it's another one of those terms which make us sound old!

However, when people come to my home, I do like to say, "May I take your wrap?"

But the best part of Patty's response was this: "I also had a horrid pair of brown shoes (in a tuxedo world)". Of course, this was a reference to an appearance by George Gobel on The Tonight Show. Bob Hope and Dean Martin had already appeared on the show and when Lonesome George came out he asked, "Did you ever feel like life was a tuxedo and you were a pair of brown shoes?"



Friday, January 25, 2013

I NO, I NO


A friend reminded me that I had not written a "CRINGE" blog for quite some time; it hasn't been for lack of material! I have incorporated some Cringe-worthy items in other blog entries (e.g.: WRITER MANQUE and HACKNEYED).

I know that on Facebook and Twitter, that texting phrases, slang, and acronyms are sometimes humorously "abbreviated" and "casual", (e.g.: "u" for "you", "ur" for "you are", "b" for "be", "adr" for "address", "thx" for "thanks", and "cuz" for "because") but I keep noticing that people on Facebook do not grasp when "no" should be "know", "suppose" should be "supposed"; and "its" should be "it's"! ("ITS" is especially problematic because I recently learned that the acronym ITS in texting means "intense text sex"!)

Surely people are not so busy that they cannot type "know"! I would think that only Twitter excuses abbreviating, as one is limited to 140 characters per posting.

I do like some of the acronyms: YOLO, CYT, BTW, and WTH.

I don't tweet or text!

I no, I no! (I know, I know!)

Thursday, January 24, 2013

PLUS CA CHANGE, PLUS C'EST LA MEME CHOSE


Of course, the French usually have an apt phrase for every situation, with "Plus ca change, plus c'est la meme chose": "the more things change, the more they stay the same" being one of them.

I thought that kids not wearing coats in the winter was a local phenomenon, but today on Facebook, Susan, the daughter of my friend Patty, wrote that her boys won't wear coats--only HOODIES! Washington Court House is more than 50 miles away from Marysville; yesterday school was out and it was (B-R-R-R-R) very cold, but I saw five boys at the local Burger King, and they were obviously from a wrestling team, as one of them had on JUST a singlet with his pants. None of the five was wearing a coat, with four of them wearing just hoodies.

I replied to Susan that a friend of mine said that her son's excuse was that his coat was too big to fit in his school locker. I said that I guessed that was a better excuse than the usual refrain of "None of the other kids wear coats."

But, the more things change, the more they stay the same: when I went to school there was a "fad" NOT to wear a coat but just a turtleneck sweater UNDER our blouse! We certainly didn't want a coat to cause our ensemble not to be au courant! What price conformity?

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

HAUTE COUTURE


On the Red Carpet before the Golden Globe Award ceremony, Jennifer Lawrence was asked, "WHO are you wearing?" (The "who" part of the question always causes peals of laughter at my house; Les and I envision a designer physically on the dress!) Ms. Lawrence answered, "It's Dior haute couture, but I don't know what haute means." That candor was refreshing, although I detested her dress with the projectile bosom! I knew that haute couture, was a legally protected label but learned that to be able to be allowed to use the term haute couture, a designer must be approved by the regulating commission Chambre Syndicale de la haute couture of the French Ministry of Industrie which has specific standards and definitions and stringent rules:

1. A designer must create made-to-order items for private clients which require more than one fitting.
2. Maintain an atalier (workshop) in Paris which employs full-time at least fifteen people.
3. Twenty full-time technical people must be employed in the atalier.
4. For each season (twice a year), the designer must show a collection to the press of Paris and each presentation must have at least 35 runs, combining both daytime and evening wear.

The designers are reviewed annually. In 2012 there were 12 members: among those were the well-known Houses of Chanel, Dior, Givenchy, and Jean Paul Gautier.

There is another designation in French fashion: Pret-a--Porter which means "ready-to-wear". Those designs are still costly, but available to a wide market, unlike haute couture.

Taylor Swift said she was wearing atalier Donna Karan (atalier means "workshop" in French). We do not have haute couture in our country, but we obviously like to use the pretentious French terms for our designers!

When Anne Hathaway was asked WHO she was wearing, she answered: "Vintage Chanel"! Les erupted with laughter, "I wonder if the corpse of Coco Chanel is ON her!"

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

DO YOU HAVE AN EXTRA SET OF JUMPER CABLES?


Whew! Doing 26 acts of kindness was more difficult than I thought, but today I gave a guy a jump for his dead battery! That's number 26, Ann Curry! (see my blog article)

I was in Goodwill and a guy walked in and asked another man if he had an "extra set of jumper cables". I thought that asking about an "extra" set was strange; did he expect the guy to have TWO sets? I thought, "Oh, well, he's probably nervous because of needing to ask." I was in line with two people ahead of me, but I spoke up and said, "I have jumper cables."

On the way out I asked if he knew what caused the dead battery and he said that he'd left on his lights. I asked, "Didn't you notice the buzzer?" He said, "I don't have that on my car." Boy, I thought I had an old car!

I asked, "Are you parked so that I can get in front of you?" He said yes. He walked over and stood beside a huge, old Lincoln. After I opened the hood of my car, I handed the jumper cables to him and he asked, "Where's the battery?" I pointed to the arrows which instructed where to place the positive and negative clamps. He said, "Oh, these are unlike any I've ever seen."

Boy, I thought I had an old car!

Monday, January 21, 2013

MARTIN LUTHER KING DAY OF SERVICE


Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. was a vital figure of the modern era and a pivotal figure in the Civil Rights Movement. His lectures and dialogues stirred the concern and sparked the conscience of a generation. His charismatic leadership inspired men and women, young and old, in this nation and around the world.

Today marks the Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. federal holiday. This milestone is a perfect opportunity for Americans to honor Dr. King’s legacy through service. The MLK Day of Service empowers individuals, strengthens communities, bridges barriers, creates solutions to social problems, and moves us closer to Dr. King’s vision of a beloved community.

Dr. King believed in a nation of freedom and justice for all, and encouraged all citizens to live up to the purpose and potential of America by applying the principles of nonviolence to make this country a better place to live—creating the Beloved Community.

The MLK Day of Service is a way to transform Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.’s life and teachings into community action. That service may meet a tangible need, or it may meet a need of the spirit. On this day, Americans of every age and background celebrate Dr. King through service projects.

The national Martin Luther King Day of Service was started by former Pennsylvania U.S. Senator Harris Wofford and Atlanta Congressman John Lewis, who co-authored the King Holiday and Service Act. The federal legislation challenges Americans to transform the King Holiday into a day of citizen action volunteer service in honor of Dr. King. The federal legislation was signed into law by President Bill Clinton on August 23, 1994. Since 1996, the annual Greater Philadelphia King Day of Service has been the largest event in the nation honoring Dr. King.

Sunday, January 20, 2013

IRONIC


A friend posted the following on Facebook:

"Am I the only person who is uncomfortable with toilet paper commercials? We used to be modestly embarrassed about Mr. Whipple secretly squeezing the Charmin. Nowadays.....oh well, can't we just have SOME level of privacy left in our everyday life?

After I posted "Ironic" and another person posted "And you're talking about privacy on Facebook because....", she responded with: "It was a yes or no question, smartasses." I'm certain she didn't grasp the irony!

Saturday, January 19, 2013

MY 15-YEAR OLD SELF!


As I was decorating for Christmas, I was rearranging books in the library to make room for my "Elvis Shrine". Tucked inside my Latin II book, I found something I'd written when I was 15 years old. It was a rough draft for a contest I had entered. Obviously I worked on other interests while I was supposed to be doing schoolwork!

As an ardent Elvis fan, I listened to a local radio program and there would be contests with one of those "Be the third caller and you'll win the prize" gambits.

I was never able to win any of those, but several times, when one had to write in to the program to be able to win, I won several times. The prizes were always the same: 2 tickets to the Fayette Theater!

Elvis' fourth movie King Creole had been released and several of my classmates had gone to Columbus to see it. Imagine--being able to go to the big city--to the Lowe's Theater to see THE KING! Full of envy, I listened to every word as they described the movie. We--the less fortunate--would have to wait for what seemed like forever for the movie to be shown in Washington Court House and even then, I wondered how could I get the money--or a way--to go? Previously, my brother Gary and his wife had lived in town and I would go there and stay overnight and my sister-in-law and I would go to see the movies with the tickets I had won. By the time King Creole was released they'd already moved to the country.

The contest to win tickets for King Creole was announced and the contest required that one write a letter entitled "Dear Elvis" using the titles of Elvis' songs in the text. My submission was read on the air and afterwards I was teased mercilessly by my brothers and classmates about my silliness. My cousin's wife took me to see the movie.

As I was looking at the rough draft, I noticed that I had the songs numbered; I didn't recall all the contest rules but it must have required a certain number of songs or number of words to be used. I cringed at what my 15-year-old self had written, but I showed it to my brother. He is usually caustic and sarcastic but he said, sincerely, "Aww, it's sweet; I never knew you were sweet." I answered, "I think it shows what a naif I was." He said, "It was probably every girl's fantasy to think she was Elvis' girlfriend." I am nine years older than my brother, and although he knows me better than nearly anyone else, of course he did not remember that naive 15-year-old as he was only 6 at the time! He said, "You were so competitive that you had to be the one who knew every damn song; so you haven't changed THAT much; paragraph five is pretty good."

The following was written by my 15-year-old self--it's even signed "Phyllis"--as I was known in school: (Elvis' songs are capitalized!}

Dear Elvis:

In my imagination, I have YOUNG DREAMS that TOMORROW NIGHT you can put on your BLUE SUEDE SHOES and I can take the MYSTERY TRAIN down to NEW ORLEANS and we can go to the KING CREOLE night club, where we can have a HOT DOG, some TUTTI FRUTTI, and CRAWFISH, so LET'S HAVE A PARTY with MAYBELLINE, DANNY, and LONG TALL SALLY.

HAVE I TOLD YOU LATELY if I had ONE NIGHT with you, I would be ALL SHOOK UP, but JUST BECAUSE I gave you a TEDDY BEAR, it doesn't mean I am ALMOST IN LOVE. There might be some TROUBLE because YOU'RE A HEARTBREAKER, but THAT'S ALL RIGHT because I'm PLAYING FOR KEEPS.

Elvis, DON'T BE CRUEL, because it will be THE END OF THE ROAD you FOOL, FOOL, FOOL, if I FORGOT TO REMEMBER TO FORGET. I JUST CAN'T MAKE IT BY MYSELF but if we were at HEARTBREAK HOTEL on BLUEBERRY HILL, I won't be a HARD HEADED WOMAN, because I'M BEGINNING TO FORGET YOU!

DONCHA THINK IT'S TIME for you to TREAT ME NICE because I'm LOVING YOU? It's NOW OR NEVER; after all, THAT'S MY DESIRE! TELL ME WHY that IT IS SO STRANGE , but IT IS NO SECRET that IT WOULDN'T BE THE SAME WITHOUT YOU so LET ME be your LOVER DOLL and that will be MY HAPPINESS!

If you're worried about being a POOR BOY, I don't need any MONEY HONEY, I just want TRUE LOVE! You know, IT'S BEEN SO LONG, DARLING; this seems like a ONE-SIDED LOVE AFFAIR unless you LOVE ME TENDER. If you said WON'T YOU WEAR MY RING AROUND YOUR NECK, that's when MY WISH CAME TRUE. I said THAT'S ALL RIGHT because I WANT YOU, I NEED YOU, I LOVE YOU!

This might be TOO MUCH, but THIS TIME I'll be THE FIRST IN LINE, but DON'T have a HEART OF STONE because you are the KEEPER OF THE KEY and I'M COUNTING ON YOU.

If THERE'S NO TOMORROW, put your CRAZY ARMS around me, you BROWN-EYED HANDSOME MAN, because I JUST CAN'T MAKE IT BY MYSELF and I've GOT A LOT OF LIVIN' TO DO! I DON'T CARE IF THE SUN DON'T SHINE because I BELIEVE that you know that I will always be STEADFAST, LOYAL, AND TRUE and I'LL NEVER STAND IN YOUR WAY.

I'M GONNA SIT RIGHT DOWN AND CRY OVER YOU if you say BABY, I DON'T CARE and I WANT TO BE FREE and I'VE GOT A WOMAN and WE'RE GONNA MOVE.

Although I'm a HARD-HEADED WOMAN, I do UNDERSTAND, but HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL; am I OUT OF SIGHT, OUT OF MIND?

I'M BEGINNING TO FORGET YOU because I'm looking at that BLUE MOON OF KENTUCKY and knowing THAT'S WHEN YOUR HEARTACHES BEGIN.

ALWAYS your biggest fan,


Phyllis

Friday, January 18, 2013

DROWNING IN THE GENE POOL!


Recently, a friend posted on Facebook that her grown children's significant others had "pointed out things about their eating styles, their eating etiquette." She wrote further: "As their mother I realize that these things reflect very strongly of me and what I taught them."

I reflected on my upbringing:

My father had excellent table manners; Mother didn't care.

My father cared about nice dishes and silverware! Mother didn't care.

My father used impeccable grammar; Mother didn't care.

My father had excellent penmanship; Mother didn't care!

My father loved antiques; Mother loved everything modern!

My father was "REARED" by a schoolmarm mother in a Victorian house; Mother was "RAISED" on "the lowest end of Peabody Avenue"!

My mother always said I was just like my father; I look like his family, but I hope I inherited her traits.

Thursday, January 17, 2013

GUILTY PLEASURE

My guilty pleasure: watching shows which I know are abhorrent, but still enjoying them them despite the fact that I know they're bad (e.g.: Sherry Shepherd on The View, Dennis Quaid movies). Although I have never watched any of the so-called "reality shows", I regularly watch The Soup where the host Joel McHale mocks other television shows by showing clips along with making derisive comments. I fondly remember when the host was Greg Kinnear, but he's gone on to feature films.

I believe I have found the only show which can supplant The Soup in my favor and with splendid irony, it was featured on The Soup.

On the show, a clip from Killer Karaoke caused me to laugh so much that when Les heard me while he was in the kitchen, he came to the family room to investigate. I backed up the recording and Les joined with me in my glee! I asked, "Can we get that show on our cable?" Les checked and found that it's carried on the TruTV network which is on our service.

The contestants on Killer Karaoke are put through various forms of "torture" while they are singing karaoke songs. The host Steve-O warns the contestants, "No matter what happens, do not stop singing." There are 10 different kinds of humiliation inflicted on the contestants. My favorite is called "Shock Therapy" (see clip) and the contestants are to serve a meal to the host while they are hooked up with five shock devices for the neck, arms, and legs. The contestant is shocked as he/she tries to serve the food.



So, it doesn't sound hilarious to you? Of course, I was embarrassed that I enjoyed the show! The host Steve-O was quoted as saying that the show is "A blatant jab at so-called reality singing shows."

Les recorded three episodes but predicted, "We'll probably get tired of it after the first one." We're still laughing and looking forward to the fourth episode. When I told a friend about it, she said, "The critic in The New York Times said it was the greatest." Disbelieving, I read Neil Genzlinger's opinion and felt somewhat vindicated, but nonetheless, still embarrassed. (See the Times article HERE.)

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

FOREVER FLO?


Watching yet another commercial for Progressive Insurance, Les asked, "Boy, I wonder how rich Flo is?"

I said, "She probably gets residuals each time it shows; I think there's a union rate." I learned that Stephanie Courtney, the actress/comedian who portrays Flo received $500,000 in 2008 for the first year of her contract. I wonder if Stephanie receives residuals. Residuals are negotiated. I told Les that she has more than a million Twitter followers.

The first time I heard about residuals, I recall hearing Vivian Vance being interviewed and she said, "This is the house that residuals built." Ethel Mertz--rich! No wonder Vivian Vance did well after performing with Lucy in three different series.

I just heard that Flo has been named one of the top 10 female advertising "icons" of all time (CLICK HERE to see the article). When one is greatly identified with one character (Mr. Whipple, Madge, Josephine, Maytag Repairman, e.g.), it is probably difficult getting other work. However, I saw photos where Stephanie removed the pancake makeup, switched from that scarlet slash on her mouth, removed the headband, and dispensed with the "retro" hairdo, and she looked very different. She probably won't be FOREVER FLO!

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

TMI, TMI


I don't like socks and do not want to wear them. Gerald and Les upbraid me about not wearing them.

Today, I showed the URBAN DICTIONARY offering for the day to Les and I said, "Not only do I go commando, I go COMMANDTOE!"

He screamed, "TMI, TMI!"

January 4: going commandtoe

Going commandtoe is when you wear shoes without socks. Often done in the summer or if no socks are available.

Does not apply to when wearing sandals/flip-flops because socks in that context would just be wrong anyway.

He saw it was a bit of a scorcher outside so he decided to get some air between his toes by going commandtoe.

Monday, January 14, 2013

LIL' LUKE


Luke Russert is an insufferable, arrogant, ignorant boor. I have a gnawing belief that he has his job only because of deference to his late father Tim Russert. Does NBC have any other 27-year old "pundits"? As an admirer of Tim Russert, I was willing to give his son a fair appraisal, but I find Lil' Luke intolerable.

Recently, Russert asked this dumb, bigoted question of Nancy Pelosi: "Your colleagues privately say that your decision to stay on prohibits the Party from having younger leadership. What's your response?"

I yelled at the television: "How dare that little twerp! Did he ask Mitch McConnell that?" I seriously doubt that Russert would have dared to ask the 70-year-old McConnell or the 70-year-old Harry Reid the same obtuse question! If the 72-year old Ms. Pelosi were not the House Minority Leader, then Mr. Hoyer, the 73-year-old House Minority Whip, would be next in line and the 72-year-old Assistant Leader James Clyburn would follow! How ignorant of Russert not to know such information; I'm not even a reporter, but I know these things, and I'm OLD!

Ms. Pelosi answered, calmly, but adroitly, "Oh, you always ask that question, except to Mitch McConnell. So you're suggesting everybody step aside? Let's for the moment honor it as a legitimate question although it's offensive, but you don't realize it, I guess." She then went on to describe how, as a mother of five, she didn't start her career until her children were at an age when she wasn't needed as a full-time mother. She said that she started her political career 14 years behind her male colleagues. (CLICK HERE to hear Ms. Pelosi's perfect rejoinder.)

Lil' Luke DID have enough sense not to continue after being upbraided with Pelosi's substantive answer.

Les asked, "I wonder if he thinks his dad should have given up his seat on Meet The Press to make room for someone like him?" I answered, "And his mother Maureen Orth; Hell, she must be in her sixties; I wonder if he thinks she should move aside for younger journalists?"

This week, on MSNBC, Russert asked a question and then proceeded to answer his own question. Of course, I knew it was a rhetorical question, but why doesn't someone advise him--or call him down--that it is lame to do that?

Yesterday, he was once again pontificating in his self-satisfied manner, and he said, "i.e." instead of saying "that is". I screamed at the television, "Oh, please MSNBC, please make him stop!

Russert reminds me of the following baseball analogy describing the son of another famous father:

"He was born on 3rd base, scored on a balk, and thinks he hit a home run!"

Sunday, January 13, 2013

WHY DO YOU ASK?


A friend told me that a mutual acquaintance had asked her an intrusive question and she answered, "WHY DO YOU ASK?" I said, "That's a perfect rejoinder; I'll bet that stopped her!" My friend said that the other person did not pursue the question. I told her about the perfect rejoinder by Dear Abby. (See the Dear Abby column below.)

Shortly after I was married, and for years afterward, people would ask, in various forms, why I didn't have children. My mother, a devoted Dear Abby follower, suggested, "You should do what Abby says and ask WHY DO YOU WANT TO KNOW?"

The next time someone asked the question, I used Abby's advice and it was wonder-working! After that, I used the retort each time someone would ask any kind of inappropriate question. It was delightful to see people flummoxed, speechless, and taken aback!

Only ONCE did anyone pursue the questioning. A person asked, "How did you get all your houses paid for?" When I answered, "Why do you want to know?" the person said, "I checked the Auditor's site and it showed all your properties paid for; I just wondered how you did it!" Nearly speechless, I answered, "It's none of your business."

Later, when I told Les that the Abby comment didn't work, he said, "NUNYA always works well!"

"Dear Abby: I think it's rude to ask someone how much he or she paid for something. However, I come from a family that asks that question whenever I wear something new. If I don't tell them, they think I'm a snob. Also, I am constantly being asked where I bought this or that. Please give me a good answer. If I try to get out of answering, they get mad. - Sick of Questions

Dear Sick: My standard answer to "How much did you pay for that?" is, "Why do you want to know?" If the questioner persists, I follow up with, "If you will forgive me for not answering, I'll forgive you for asking."

Saturday, January 12, 2013

ICICLE DAMS


Years ago, a friend said, "You have a lot of heat escaping from your house." When I asked how he knew, he pointed to the icicles hanging from the eaves and said, "That's what causes icicles." I sighed and said, "But they look so picturesque!" The friend said, "You're spending a lot more on energy than is necessary."

Alarmed, I immediately demanded that Gerald insulate more, which he did. Now, we don't have any icicles hanging from our house, but look at the garage! Gerald has heat in the garage for the cats, but, obviously, it's escaping!

Reading articles this morning about icicles, I NOW must be worried about ICICLE DAMS (CLICK HERE to read the article) on the garage!

Friday, January 11, 2013

BROTHER SQUACK


A friend and I admired a wooden "rack puller" shaped like a squirrel. I copied the design and asked Gerald to make one each for my friend and me. Gerald made three and I kept one, and gave one to my friend as a stocking stuffer. I asked Gerald why he'd made three and he said he knew I'd want another one for somebody! Knowing my proclivity for inflicting "my best new things" on family and friends, Gerald asked, "Just how many more do I need to make?" (think about Tempo towels and m9; CLICK HERE to see BLOG article from last year)

The rack-puller is nifty; one can just attach the head of the wooden squirrel to an oven rack and pull it out; eliminating the possibility of having a burned wrist. Flip over the rack-puller to push in the oven rack.

I have nicknamed my rack puller "Brother Squack" in memory of my grandfather. As a hunter--always for food--Grandpa had reverence for the animals he killed and he always called them "Brother". I always thought it sounded rather Native American to say that!

See pictures of Brother Squack.

Thursday, January 10, 2013

BANISHED WORDS FOR 2013


Lake Superior State University has released its 38TH ANNUAL LIST OF WORDS TO BE BANISHED FROM THE QUEEN'S ENGLISH. The list includes:

1. FISCAL CLIFF
2. KICK THE CAN DOWN THE ROAD
3. DOUBLE DOWN
4. JOB CREATORS
5. PASSION/PASSIONATE
6. YOLO
7. SPOILER ALERT
8. BUCKET LIST
9. TRENDING
10. SUPERFOOD
11. BONELESS WINGS
12. GURU

See the accompanying article HERE for full explanation.

Does anyone care to add to the list?

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

RESOLUTIONIST

I THOUGHT about going to the gym today!


See URBAN DICTIONARY word of the day.

January 1: Resolutionist

A person who joins the gym in early January because of his/her New Years Resolution. A Resolutionist can be spotted by his/her pasty white skin, excessive fat, poor form, and blank look on his/her face as they stand next to any piece of gym equipment.

Resolutionists usually migrate back to the couch any time from mid-January to early March.

Heard in the gym: "This damn Resolutionist has been on the Smith machine for 30 minutes. Maybe if he put more than 30 lbs on the bar and stopped taking 10 minute rests it wouldn't take so long. I can't wait until March"

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

MY ELVIS SHRINE (U. S. 53310761)


HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Elvis! Born January 8, 1935, Elvis would have been 78 years old!

As a teeny-bopper, I was the world's most devoted Elvis Presley fan. When I was thirteen, I even went to the beautician Evelyn Evans to have my hair cut like Elvis'. My bedroom was completely covered with Elvis Presley pictures. Every time a new song was released, several of us Elvis fans would listen to the record over and over to be able to write down the lyrics to be able to sing along. My greatest artistic achievement was to sing along and gyrate as Elvis did when he sang "Trouble" from the movie "King Creole". As the years passed, I would always watch his god-awful movies and buy whatever records were released, and I never lost the love for him, but by the sixties I was "into" folk, protest music, and jazz and although I went to see him in concert in 1973, my passion had subsided. I attributed it to "growing up". In 1973, we went to Graceland and stood outside the gates and took pictures of the gates, but this was before his death and the tours; after the tours started we went to Memphis to see inside Graceland. I was disturbed because his grave marker has "Elvis Aaron Presley" and I know that's wrong because it's really Elvis Aron Presley as the Aron rhymes with the middle name of his twin Jesse Garon Presley. I bought the commemorative stamps and sent out "first day cancellations" on January 8 to my fellow Elvis fans.

Several years after Elvis' death, my brother called me on January 8, and said, "Hey, they're having an Elvis trivia contest and you should call in and win." I tuned in and one had to be the 3rd caller; the questions were very easy but I couldn't get through to answer. Then a question came which nobody called to answer. I dialed the number and answered the question, "What was Elvis' serial number in the Army?" I answered, "U.S. 53310761." The DJ asked, "How on earth did you know that?" I told him that after Elvis was drafted, there was a girl group--The Threeteens--which had a song entitled "Dear 53310761" which I have, and then I proceeded to sing the song! I also told him that there were at least 25 songs recorded ABOUT Elvis. I also told him that it was "U.S." rather than "R.A." because "U.S." is used for draftees and "R.A." is used for enlisted people. I think that was entirely TMI as he then told me about my prize and shut me down.

What did I win? ALL of Elvis' records! Of course, I already had all of Elvis' records. I gave them as a present to my brother who is also an Elvis fan.

Now I have an "Elvis shrine" at Christmas: I have a tree full of Elvis ornaments which I surround with Elvis collectibles. This past Christmas my friend Arminta gave me an Elvis Christmas stocking which is shaped like Elvis' white satin jumpsuit pant leg and boot. It has a button when pushed plays "Blue Christmas". I send Elvis Christmas cards to all of my friends who are also Elvis devotees. I'm sad that I never met him.

Monday, January 7, 2013

DANGEROUS CURVES


From THE WISE GEEK

Research shows that people tend to drink alcoholic beverages more quickly from a curved glass than a straight glass.

The research has shown that individuals who are drinking beer out of a straight glass sip it about 60% more slowly than people who are drinking out of a curved glass, leading researchers to believe that glass shape affects alcohol consumption. Researchers suggest that straight-sided glasses make it easier for drinkers to keep track of the amount of alcohol they drink, thus encouraging a slower pace.

The same researchers found that glass shape made no difference in the consumption of soft drinks.

CLICK HERE to see The wiseGEEK website.

Sunday, January 6, 2013

BLACK SQUIRRELS


I've noticed the prevalence of black squirrels in town and my sister-in-law has several on her property. I told her that I was going to capture them and take them to our house. She said, "I thought you hated squirrels." I said, "I do; they are just rodents with pretty tails!" (CLICK HERE to see my blog article from last year.) However, the black squirrels are interesting.

In reading about black squirrels, I learned that they are "melanistic grey squirrels" (CLICK HERE to see accompanying article).

I DID NOT capture her squirrels, but we now have two black squirrels scampering around in our yard, but Gerald has been unable to capture them on film! They are not as friendly as Cheeky, Chubby and Chunky!

Friday, January 4, 2013

HACKNEYED


The daughter of an acquaintance finished her first semester of college this year. As a 40-year-old, she has found it difficult to be a student after being out of school since she was eighteen. Her mother suggested that she ask me for help on a paper as her mother knew that I had written a BLOG article about her daughter's topic: the former Children's Home. When she asked for my help with the paper, she needed to submit it the following day. I was irritated that she had waited so long. I had no time to do any research and I had to rely on my memory of the subject.

I reviewed her paper, made numerous corrections and suggestions. For example, she had written "for over twenty years" and I corrected it by writing "more than twenty years". When she asked why I made the change, I told her that "over" refers to something spatial as in "four feet tall" and that "more than" refers to amounts, countable numbers, and figures. She said she'd never heard anything like that in her life.

She used the phrase "the old stomping grounds". I crossed it out and she asked why and I said, "It's hackneyed and trite." She said she didn't know what those words meant. I said, "It's somewhat like banal or a cliche." She said she didn't know the meaning of those words either! (I was glad I didn't use "platitudinous"!) She said that she'd heard people say "stomping grounds" all of her life. I said, "Exactly--that's why it's considered stale and unoriginal!" I told her that I'd also heard it all my life but I explained that what might be acceptable in common, colorful, speech, it is not acceptable in writing unless one makes certain to refer to it as "vernacular". She said, "Huh?" I said, "Professional writers do not use those kinds of expressions." She said, "But we're not professional writers." I answered, "You're supposed to be aspiring to be a professional; the professor will skewer you for using such expressions." She said, "I never hear anybody use words like hackneyed and skewer." I said, "Trust me, professors do!"

I thought, "Maybe she'll be lucky and get a C." She called to thank me for my help and she said she had received an A! My first thought was "How on earth? I wonder what kind of instructor would give an A to such a poor paper?"

CLICK HERE to see how to use More Than and Over correctly.


Thursday, January 3, 2013

FREE 24601

At long last, the movie version of Les Miserables has been released. The play opened on Broadway in 1987, after having originated in London in 1985. I saw the play in Columbus when it was on its national tour. As I like Hugh Jackman, I was pleased to see that he was portraying Jean Valjean in the movie, and he gave an inestimable performance; Russell Crowe as Javert was superb; the emaciated-looking Anne Hathaway, portraying Fantine, will probably win the Academy Award! Imagine having all of those perfect teeth in 19th century France! (CLICK HERE to see my BLOG article from last year about a guy I knew named Jean Valjean.)

The reviews for Les Miz have bordered on the ecstatic, but I find myself agreeing with David Edelstein's review (see attached); although the movie was technically a well-made movie, I am still "crabby" about it! Edelstein's review mentioned that songs in movies are usually pre-recorded and actors lip-synch to them but, in this movie, the actors are performing the songs in time with the movie. Jackman, the experienced song-and-dance man, is excellent; Crowe gives a yeoman attempt at singing! Hathaway's performing I Dreamed A Dream, completed in one take, was impressive. However, I was the only one in the theater giggling--I detest the song--and make fun of it--my favorite line:

"You play a virgin in the light,
But need no urgin' in the night."

In his review, Edelstein quotes the late Nora Ephron as saying how dreadful the song is! (Of course my late, beloved, Nora would agree with me!) I think that ONLY Nora and I could NOT tolerate hearing that Susan Boyle creature singing that song! I don't watch whatever "reality" show Boyle was on, but after ten people telling me, "You must hear this!", I watched it on YouTube, and then those same people were appalled when I would say it was "dreadful"! I have never understood people becoming upset if one doesn't like what they like, as if it were somehow a reflection of them. Yesterday a friend said she didn't like Springsteen and I laughed and said, "So you're the one!"

By the way, 24601 was Jean Valjean's prison number.

Edelstein: You’ve Got to Admire the Gumption of Les Misérables
Source: vulture.com

The film's tasteless bombardment would, under most circumstances, send audiences screaming from the theater, but the film is going to be a monster hit and award winner, and not entirely unjustly.


Wednesday, January 2, 2013

ANNIE LIEBOVITZ


I enjoyed the Annie Liebovitz exhibit at The Wexner Center For The Arts in Columbus. The exhibit, titled Master Set features 156 of Liebovitz's photographs, mostly ones published in Rolling Stone, Vanity Fair, and Vogue between the years 1968-2009.

I knew I would enjoy the familiar, so-called "iconic" pictures: the entangled John and Yoko, pregnant Demi Moore, Whoopi Goldberg in a bathtub of milk, the Blues Brothers, Dylan, Meryl, Jagger, Springsteen, and Susan Sontag; surprisingly, my favorites at the exhibit were a series of four Las Vegas showgirls in all their glory, with accompanying pictures of them sans makeup and costumes; a portrait of opera soprano Renee Fleming; picture of the dancer Bill T. Jones.

The Master Set was accompanied by Pilgrimage, which was Liebovitz's show presented at the Smithsonian. Pilgrimage is an eclectic series of objects, landscapes, and interiors of personal interest to Liebovitz, such as Elvis' motorcycle, Freud's couch, Emily Dickinson's pressed flowers, and a gown worn by Marian Anderson.

Please see the review of the exhibit by Vanity Fair.

The brochure stated that Gettysburg was the "bloodiest battle of the Civil War". I must write to the author to let them know that historians consider Antietam to have that dubious distinction!

CLICK HERE to read a story about the Master Set in the Auction Central News.

Tuesday, January 1, 2013