CAR OVERHEATING:
When your car has overheated, open all the windows, turn OFF the air conditioner, turn ON the heater, but DON'T run the fan and DO NOT lug the engine. Shift DOWN (in either stick or automatic) in order to keep up the engine's rpm. One of the worst results may be if your vehicle doesn't blow steam and forces you to stop. As the coolant temperature moves over 220 degrees and the pressurized system allows super-heating, you will damage the exhaust manifold, exhaust valves, radiator hoses and water pump and you probably won't know about it until later when you have to pay for the damage.
How I became a Dylan Thomas fan:
I had read Dylan Thomas in high school because Miss Digman was a fan, but I had never had a great appreciation. After all, I was consumed with the study of Yeats!
Of course I knew that Bobby Zimmerman adopted Dylan as his last name as an homage and I thought that was merely cute!
In the 60's I saw a play on television called "Do Not Go Gently Into That Good Night" starring Melvyn Douglas. I knew that the title was from a Dylan Thomas poem. It sent me on my search for more about Dylan Thomas and I devoured everything.
When I am "consumed", my friends and family tire of my endless referencing and quoting. I have "lifted" and "stolen" a great number of phrases for my own use: "old age should burn and rave at close of day", "their words had forked no lightning", "their frail deeds", "and learn too late they grieved on its way", "blind eyes could blaze like meteors", "curse, bless, me with your fierce tears". In writing I would, of course, attribute, but tossing them off in conversation, I doubt that I have given credit to ole Dylan!
Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
And you, my father, there on that sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
My brother asked me, "Do you remember that song Mom used to sing to wake us up?" I asked, "Which one--there were so many?" He said, "Good Morning, Mister Zip-Zip-Zip." I started singing it! He asked, "Did Mom make that up or was it a real song?" I told him, "I think it's a real song but I'll have to look it up!"
My mother's repertoire was astounding--everything from old folk songs and Broadway show tunes to the latest in Rock and Roll; she's the only person I know who loved Frank Sinatra AND Elvis!
She would end her folk songs with "Chatum-mun-toogey-perty-yay-hoo" and it didn't matter if it were "Barbara Allen" or "Old Dan Tucker" she was singing, it would end the same way! I have tried to find that riff in all kinds of folk song references, even the Alan Lomax tomes, to no avail. Mother told me that's how her Granny ended her songs. Sometimes she'd improvise and add "it's-a-perty-yay-hoo" along with the "chatum-mun-toogey".
When I instructed The Arthritis Foundation's water aerobics, I had a song lyric for each exercise; e.g.:
Baseball Swing--"Take Me Out to The Ball Game"
Touchdown--O.S.U. Fight Song
The Zipper--"Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah"
One day, as we were doing The Zipper exercise, I sang "Good Morning, Mr. Zip-Zip-Zip" instead of the usual "Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah", and one of our participants, Martha Hoffman, who will turn 95 on June 6, exclaimed, "I haven't heard that since I was a kid; how do you know that song?" I told her that my mother used to wake us up singing that song! Martha said "Well, she must be my age!" After class I researched it on the internet and learned it was from World War I, was used in the John Cassavetes movie "Husbands" and was parodied with a song titled "Good Morning, Mister Snip-Snip-Snip".
"GOOD MORNING MISTER ZIP-ZIP-ZIP"
We come from ev'ry quarter
From north, south, east and west,
To clear the way to freedom
For the land we love the best.
We've left our occupations
And home so far and dear,
But when the going's rather rough,
We raise this song in cheer:
Good morning, Mister Zip-Zip-Zip,
With your hair cut just as short as mine,
Good morning Mister Zip-Zip-Zip,
You're surely looking fine!
Ashes to ashes, and dust to dust,
If the Camels don't get you,
The Fatimas must.
Good morning, Mister Zip-Zip-Zip,
With your hair cut just as short as,
Your hair cut just as short as,
Your hair cut just as short as mine.
You see them down the highway,
You meet them down the pike
In olive drab and khaki
Are soldiers on the hike,
As the column passes,
The word goes down the line,
Good morning Mister Zip-Zip-Zip,
You're surely looking fine!
The reference to Camels and Fatimas are for cigarette brands!
MYTH: DRIVING WITH THE WINDOWS OPEN TO STAY COOL SAVES GAS
According to Ford's "Driving Skills For Life" website, the power-robbing effect of air-conditioning compressors is less hurtful than the aerodynamic drag created by speeding down the road with the windows open, especially at highway speeds.
After accelerating to forty miles per hour, it is more fuel efficient to operate the air conditioner than to have the windows down. The turbulence caused by open windows will require more horsepower, thus causing the vehicle to consume more fuel to maintain a steady speed.
The website recommends using the recirculation feature, because it is more efficient to cool already cool air from the interior than outside air. Another good tip is to run the vent/fan setting once the interior cools down.
My friend Jeff loved to prick the inflated egos of snobs. He and I were shopping at Lazarus and he said, "Oh, let's go to the Third Floor and have some fun!" We entered the fur salon which had salesclerks who looked like fashion models. One came over to us, looked down her nose and said, "May I help you?" Jeff said, "I'd like to see your finest BUH-BOON coat for my lady." The saleswoman said, haughtily, "We don't carry Baboon!" Jeff grabbed a coat and with all the metal rings clanging, draped it around my shoulders, and screeched with delight, "Suzita, here's a lovely BUH-BOON coat!" The salesclerk said, angrily, "That's chinchilla!" Jeff answered, "I could have sworn it was BUH-BOON!" Jeff said, "I guess we'll have to go to Montaldo's for a fine BUH-BOON coat!"
Jeff was working in the shoe department at Lazarus while attending college. He called himself "The Prince Of Pumps." We had made a date to go to lunch and I was to meet him in the shoe department. As I walked in, he said, in a very loud voice, "Oh my God, it must be welfare check day!" All the other customers turned to look at me. I was not surprised by anything that he did and always tried to play along, despite any embarrassment. His supervisor was not aware that he was playing a joke and immediately came over to the area and started to apologize to me. Jeff continued, "I couldn't find those Maribou Mules you asked for!" I asked, "How about the gold lame ones?" By that time the supervisor realized it was a set up and walked away shaking his head.
One time we had agreed to meet for lunch. As I sat down at the table, I saw that he was wearing a plastic chancre on his cheek! He had gotten it at a costume shop and it was totally disgusting. As the waitress came to wait on us, there was no way that she could not have noticed it! Jeff leaned his head on his hand, posing, to make it even more noticeable. I leaned across the table and kissed him on the other cheek. I could see the waitress cringing at the horrible leprosy-like sore!
When we worked together, there were members of a motorcycle club called the "Screaming Angels" and to make fun of them, Jeff decided to form a "tricycle club" and he named the club the "Screaming Buttholes". He actually got people to join and he wrote Bylaws, designed patches and held weekly meetings at Crissinger's Pizza after work--everything except ride tricycles--it was such sophomoric fun! He announced that the club was a benevolent organization and all of the money raised (of course no money was ever raised as it was all spent on pizza and beer) would be used as scholarship money to send a deserving student to college to become a PROCTOLOGIST! The Screaming Angels members didn't like Jeff's making fun of them and they actually threatened him!
He and I went to see the movie "Cool Hand Luke" as it was showing at a theater that featured old movies. I had seen the movie when it was first released in 1967 but Jeff had never seen it. We loved the part of Paul Newman singing:
"I don't care if it rains or freezes
Long as I got my plastic Jesus
Riding on the dashboard of my car."
It became a contest to come up with other verses; in later years my friend Patty added to the verses:
"I don't worry if the weather gets drastic,
Long as I've got my Christ of Plastic
Riding on the dashboard of my car."
"I don't worry about beri-beri
Long as I got Magnetic Mary
Riding on the dashboard of my car."
"I don't worry about headlight dimmage
Long as I got that Heavenly Image
Riding on the dashboard of my car."
"I don't worry about motorcycles
Long as I got the 12 Disciples
Riding on the dashboard of my car."
"I don't care if it rains or snowses
Long as I got my plastic Moses
Riding on the dashboard of my car."
"I don't care if it's dark or scary,
Long as I got magnetic Mary
Riding on the dashboard of my car."
"I don't care if it bumps or jostles
Long as I got the twelve Apostles
Riding on the dashboard of my car."
"I don't care if the night is scary
As long as I got the Virgin Mary
Riding on the dashboard of my car."
"I don't care if I'm broke or starvin'
Long as I got a fish named Darwin
Glued to the trunk lid of my car."
I still have my plastic Jesus that Jeff gave me as a birthday present! When Paul Newman sang the song, Luke was not making fun; one could feel his pain as he sang the melancholy tribute to his late mother. I learned later that the song was an actual theme song of a religious radio program broadcast from Baton Rouge in the 1940's and that it was also used as a radio advertisement in the South to sell the plastic Jesus car ornaments. Some people are offended by the lyrics but they fail to recognize that the song was not meant to be sacrilegious but is actually aimed at those who cheapen it by selling plastic gee-gaws, cheap little trinkets, and other religious kitsch.
A frog went into a bank and approached the teller. He could see from her nameplate that her name was Patricia Whack.
The frog said, "Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."
Patty looked at the frog in disbelief and asked his name. The frog said his name was Kermit Jagger, his dad was Mick Jagger, and that it was okay, because he knew the bank manager.
Patty explained that he would need to secure the loan with some collateral.
The frog said, "Sure. I have this", and produced a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patty explained that she would have to consult with the bank manager and she disappeared into a back office.
She found the manager and said, "There's a frog named Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and he wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral."
She held up the tiny pink elephant. She asked, "I mean, what in the world is this?"
The bank manager looked back at her and said:
"It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan, his old man's a Rolling Stone!"
