CRAB MEAT

Years ago, we took my mother to a new restaurant for Mother's Day. The restaurant was in an historic Victorian house and I had heard that the food was marvelous and that we could tour the house.

The decor was lovely and there was a pianist playing Gershwin.  I was delighted. When we received our menus there were extensive selections. On the appetizer section I noticed "crabmeat cocktail" listed and it was $7.95 and the shrimp cocktail was less. I said, "Wow, I've only had shrimp cocktail before; I'm going to get the crab meat because crab is my favorite." [Although I thought "crabmeat" should be "crab meat", I was in an appreciative mood, and I did not quibble nor correct]

Gerald placed our orders and Mother said, "I can't believe we have to order a la carte!", but I said, "But, Mother, this is a NICE place!"

When our appetizers arrived, I immediately noticed that my "crabmeat" was pollock and not crab meat. I called for the waiter and I told him very quietly that I had ordered crab and not pollock. He insisted that it was crab and I said, "Please send the Manager to see me." When the Manager came, I told him that I had ordered crab and he said, "That's what you got." I said, "No, what I have is pollock." I touched it with my cocktail fork and said, "You can see that it's dyed to resemble crab."

He didn't offer to do anything; I said, "Please have the waiter bring our bill for the drinks and we'll be going." The Manager said, "You'll have to pay for the three appetizers too." I said, "Oh, no, I won't, because we haven't touched them and tomorrow I'm going to call the Better Business Bureau to report this fiasco." The Manager said, "You don't have to act like that!" My mother spoke and said, "Yes she does!"

As I was leaving, I said, "Oh, and by the way, crab meat is TWO words!"