ABJECT FAILURE

Recently, I have noticed people using the word FAIL as a noun and an interjection, both on television and in person. Les asked, "Is it a NERB or a VOUN?"

Yesterday, a young acquaintance said, "That's a fail." I didn't feel as if I knew her well enough to ask, "WTH?"; besides, we were with a group of other people and I felt it would be declasse of me to inquire about her usage.

I particularly like the accompanying article from Slate, (CLICK HERE to read) because of the title Goodbye, schadenfreude; hello fail, because I, along with a number of my friends, LOVE the word schadenfreude. (CLICK HERE to see my BLOG article SCHADENFREUDE)

CLICK HERE to read and enjoy an article from The New York Times.

DRIVE TIME NEWS

On the morning news was a story of a car crashing into a house. Fortunately, there weren't any serious injuries as the family of the house was out to dinner and the driver was uninjured.

 When Les and I see those common news stories, one of us will invariably utter the punch line to an old joke:

A woman crashed her car into a house. The home owner asks, "How did you get in here?"

The driver said, "I took a left at the dining room!"

To see the article, CLICK HERE.

VETERANS DAY

Especially for my brothers and my husband.

HILLBILLY SUSHI

My most requested "signature dish" to supply to carry-in functions is ham rollups.  They are easy to make and keep well.  I prepared two separate trays for the Election Day meals (or as we call it "grazing").  

On election night the Sheriff and two deputies came to the Board of Elections as usual.  The first deputy saw the tray of ham rollups and said, "I've been waiting all day to get some of these!"  When the Sheriff and other deputy came in, their comments were similar.  

After nearly finishing consuming the tray of rollups, one said, "Yeah, we call these HILLBILLY SUSHI!"

HARDLY

Someone recently used the phrase "couldn't hardly" and it transported me back in time: I recall my teacher Miss Digman physically recoiling when a classmate said it.  I knew at the time that it was incorrect usage, and that I undoubtedly would never say or write it in my lifetime, but that vision of Miss Digman's reaction is indelibly etched in my brain and has kept me vigilant.

Adverbs such as hardly, rarely, scarcely, barely, and seldom should not be used in the same clause with a negative as it creates a double negative. Adverbs which suggest "few", "little" and "not often" should not be used with a negative.

A friend quizzed my using "were" instead of "was" in a sentence, "If that were the case....." Of course I know that "if" in that sentence requires the subjunctive mood and "were" is correct, but my friend said it sound "stilted"! Although pleased with her use of the word "stilted", I replied, "It sounds correct, as it were!" My brothers and I laugh and imitate our teacher Mr. Kelley when we use the subjunctive mood, as Mr. Kelley would often say "As it were."

I'm glad to have had some good teachers.

See the American Heritage Dictionary definition of "hardly" HERE. 

I LOVE HALLOWEEN!

This article is from last year's Halloween:

I love Halloween!  We hosted Halloween parties since 1971, but then politics became central and it was difficult to give my attention to both.  Each year, someone will mention the parties of the past and ask why we don't have them any more.  I keep saying that we will have a party at the "next off-year election" cycle with our last party in 2009.  There has been some kind of election in 2010, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17 and now 2018.   Perhaps 2019!

From 1971 until 2008, Gerald and I would go all-out, dressing in costume, especially for Beggar's Night.  A friend who grew up in Indiana had never heard the term "Beggar's Night" prior to moving to Ohio.  

Some of our memorable costumes:  Hester Prynne and The Reverend Mr. Dimsdale; Mae West and W.C. Fields; The Coneheads; Scarlet O'Hara and Rhett Butler; Dorothy and The Cowardly Lion; Glinda and The Scarecrow; Nellie Forbush and Emile de Becque; Lt. Uhuru and Mr. Spock; and Raggedy Ann and Raggedy Andy (which was especially amusing with Gerald's red beard and triangle on his nose).

See picture at left, circa Halloween, 1980.  We also rode on a float for a parade in Jeffersonville in those costumes.  One year at the Halloween parade, Gerald drove the Corvette with the Cincinnati Reds Rooster riding atop the back, tossing out candy to the kids along the route.  Gerald and I were dressed as the King and Queen of Hearts, wearing large playing cards.

We decorated the house, garages, and yard with elaborate trappings.  We used a fog machine, black lights, accompanied by the sounds of screaming and creaking doors coming from a stereo, cranked up in volume.  We didn't give out simple treats;  we supplied marvelous bags filled with candy apples and caramel apples, big candy bars, popcorn balls, and a dollar in each bag, using the Susan B. Anthony coins.

Gerald and I would perform The Time Warp and The Monster Mash (which was very interesting when we were dressed as Puritans Prynne and Dimsdale).

One year a young couple came, carrying their baby and the young father told how he'd always come to our house because of the great treats and "the show";  he said he wanted to bring the baby for his first Beggar's Night and he asked if he could film us.  I held the baby as we all danced to The Monster Mash and the baby didn't even cry!

Another year Gerald would arise from a coffin to hand out the treats but he only did it one year as it was too scary.   Another year he was lying on the ground, among the "tombstones", covered with a pile of leaves, and he arose from that, scaring the wits out of everyone!

Each year the attendance dwindled in our neighborhood and I certainly understand the concern by parents about the craziness with razor blades and poisoned candies. I quit making popcorn balls and candy apples because parents wanted only packaged candy. I am glad that several local churches and organizations now put on "safe" events for children.  It was with a mixture of sadness--and relief--that we decided to disband our yearly spectacle but I still miss our extravaganza.  

I was in the basement recently and saw the tubs of decorations and laughed once more at the tombstones Gerald had crafted and which filled our side yard--the graveyard.  Probably the most famous:

HERE LIES LESTER MOORE

                                                      4 SLUGS FROM A 44
                                                      NO LES
                                                      NO MORE

Some of the tombstones have epitaphs and supposed "last words":

CURST BE HE WHO MOVES MY BONES (Shakespeare)


PARDON MY DUST (Dorothy Parker)


THE BEST IS YET TO COME (Sinatra)


HERE LIES JOHN YEAST
PARDON ME FOR NOT RISING


I TOLD YOU I WAS SICK! (several)

and

THAT'S ALL, FOLKS!  (Mel Blanc)

HABITUAL

I recommend The Power Of Habit by Charles Duhigg. The book examines the science of WHY we do WHAT we do. It is fascinating how companies use our habits to market items (see article).

The "experts" say that it takes 28 days to break--or adopt--a habit.

I tried diligently to break a habit, but after 28 days, I still WANT what I gave up.

I can't find any experts to tell me how to stop WANTING.

The song Breaking The Habit by Linkin Park has a marvelous line:

"I don't want to be the one
The battles always choose."



To read the article Habits: How They Form And How To Break Them CLICK HERE.

EPONYMOUS

Writing PROUSTIAN, I once again thought about eponyms.

Below is a Sue;s News article from 2016:

                                                           JORDANESQUE

I was listening to NPR and a sports commentator said that LeBron james' playing had been "JORDANESQUE".  I chuckled and wondered aloud to my brother, "Do you imagine that JORDANESQUE will ever make it to the dictionary like FELLINIESQUE did?"

He replied, "I never heard JABARRESQUE, BIRDESQUE, COUSEYESQUE, RUSSELLESQUE, O'NEALESQUE, ROBERTSONESQUE, or even CHAMBERLAINESQUE,."
as he rattled off the names of former greats.

 I continued, "What would one do about JOHNSON?  Call it  MAGICESQUE?"

He responded, "There would be the same problem with DR. JESQUE and KOBEESQUE!"

Later, recalling one of our all-time favorites he asked, "How about HAVLICHECIAN?  That has a certain flair!"  He continued, "I wonder who decides whether it's to be an ESQUE or an IAN?  How did Shaw become SHAVIAN, for crying out loud?"

I cried out, "I must stop because this is becoming KAFKAESQUE!"

PROUSTIAN

Today, I went to pick out jeans for a friend of mine. In the store, I was surrounded by jeans on three sides. There were shelves in front of me, much higher than I could reach, and behind me on shelves and displayed on tables beside me. I was in an abyss of denim.

Ah, THAT smell! The evocative aroma immediately transported me back in time to the remembrance of the first day of school each year. As a kid, I never wanted to wear new clothes on the first day of school because of THAT smell. When I would get on the school bus, THAT overwhelming new-clothes smell would engulf me because every boy on the bus would be wearing new jeans.

Today, I felt like Marcel Proust and "the episode of the madeleines". In his classic Remembrance Of Things Past, because of a madeleine, Proust was transported back into his memory and was inspired to create his masterpiece. He coined the term "involuntary memory" and the term has been used in psychology since.

Each month, on the last page of the magazine, Vanity Fair has "The Proust Questionnaire" and it's always fascinating to read the thoughts of interesting people.

Proust's own answers, are equally fascinating.

At the age of 20, Marcel Proust put his own psyche under the microscope by answering questions meant to reveal one’s innermost thoughts. More than a century later, and as demonstrated on Vanity Fair's back page each month, the “Proust Questionnaire” continues to be a popular method of interviewing.  Recent participants have included

Takashi Murakami, Henry Winkler, and Laverne Cox.  See Proust’s own responses from 1892.

CLICK HERE to see the Vanity Fair article.

CLICK HERE to see "the madeleines" recipe (little sponge cakes). 

YOU'RE SO VAIN

Don't you just love it when people ATTEMPT to correct you by pronouncing the word just AFTER you, and then pronouncing it the way they think is correct?

When this happens, I usually confront the pathetic ploy and ask, "Were you trying to correct my pronunciation just then?", but recently, when this occurred, I was in a sensitive situation; I refrained from pointing out the obvious passive aggression. If I were mispronouncing the word, then I would want to be treated the way my brothers do and not have someone resort to such an apparent artifice. The person should have just said, "Don't you know that's pronounced..." and then tell me the correct pronunciation. Then, I would have been able to confront it or graciously accept the constructive criticism.

Recently, the word was APRICOT. I pronounce it the way Carly Simon does in her song You're So Vain.

I said the word as "APP-ricot" and the other person immediately said "APE-ricot", not only once, but TWICE, for good measure. I did not confront the issue because of where I was at the time, and because I'm also fully aware that BOTH pronunciations are correct as we have had the discussion in my family previously; I was also aware that "APE-ricot" is listed first in the dictionary (which doesn't mean that it is preferred or more correct) and that my preferred pronunciation is known as the "American" pronunciation. The person's devious device is what bothered me.

As Les said, "You know, like April."

My brothers will probably disown me for allowing the person's maneuver to pass, but to quote the Bard: "The better part of valor is discretion."

Falstaff:
To die is to be a counterfeit, for he is but the counterfeit of
a man who hath not the life of a man; but to counterfeit dying,
when a man thereby liveth, is to be no counterfeit, but the true
and perfect image of life indeed. The better part of valor is
discretion, in the which better part I have sav'd my life.

Henry The Fourth, Part 1 Act 5, scene 4, 115–121

Almost invariably quoted today as "Discretion is the better part of valor," Falstaff's phrase elegantly redeems a cowardly act. The bragging, bulbous knight has just risen from his feigned death; he had played the corpse in order to escape real death at the hands of a Scotsman hostile to Henry IV. Claiming that abstractions like "honor" and "valor" will get you nothing once you're dead, Falstaff excuses his counterfeiting as the kind of "discretion" that keeps a man from foolishly running into swords in order to cultivate a reputation for heroism. If counterfeiting keeps you alive, well then, it's not counterfeiting, but an authentic "image of life." Falstaff confuses "image" with "reality," but we forgive him; as far as he's concerned, "valor" is an image too, and you've got to stay alive in order to find more opportunities to cultivate that image.

ADDICTION REVISITED

 

I've had several comments about my article I UNDERSTAND ADDICTION which is about my addiction to Coca Cola.

My husband and brother reminded me of a couple of other incidents to illustrate my addiction.

When I was a young married, we had a book case bed. I also had a small dorm-size refrigerator in my bedroom closet to store my Coke. I had to be able to have a Coke at any time. This is when we still bought bottles and the refund was 2 cents per bottle. I was sitting in bed reading and I had a bottle of Coke setting on the top of the bed and when my husband plopped into bed, the bottle of Coke fell off, hitting me in the face; yeah, do you think anyone believed that story of my black eye?

When I was working at Shasta Beverages, obviously, I could not be dragging Coca Cola into the plant. All the "low-fills" (product rejected by QC for any number of reasons, but still consumable) were taken to the cafeteria refrigerator and we were allowed to drink all the "low-fills" we wanted. The company also allowed us to have one case per week, of our choice, to take home.

Every day, as soon as I left work, I stopped at the Marathon Station on the corner to buy a Coke. Imagine my embarrassment when one of my employees saw me getting the Coke. I will admit right now that I told him this story: I said that I had bugs on my windshield and I had heard that splashing Coca Cola on the windshield would get rid of them better than windshield washer fluid.  After that incident, I went further down the road for my "FIX"!

COPROLALIA

My brother Neil and Gerald both worked at International Harvester and both had riders. One evening Neil called to tell Gerald that he was changing shifts and he wanted to know if Gerald would give his rider a ride to work. Gerald said that he would, but he would have to ride in the front seat as his rider Doug always slept in the back seat.

Gerald picked up the guy at his house, and luckily, it was just one street over from us. Gerald usually left at 5:30 AM. As Gerald was going into South Charleston, the new rider threw his hands on the dash and began saying "NIK, NIK, NIK" in a very loud voice. Of course, it scared Gerald and it woke up Doug. Gerald had not said a word but Doug said, "What the Hell is that?" The guy handed cards to the guys and Gerald stopped the car to read the card and he learned that the man has Tourette's Syndrome.

When Gerald told us about the incident, Les said, "Well, at least he didn't call you a douche bag!"

After I educated myself about Tourette's, I learned that coprolalia (uttering inappropriate words and phrases) among Tourette sufferers is rare.

One day in Bob Evans Restaurant, we were in a booth and in one section away from our booth, we heard a man "ticing" in a loud voice. [Their utterances are known as tics.] The Manager was going around to tables and apologizing for the situation. When the Manager came to us, I said, "It's obvious the guy has Tourette's; he's not going to hurt anybody; he just has to get the tics out of his system."

They were moving people from the section and I told the Manager, "You can move us over there, because it won't bother us."

We moved to that section and the waitress said, "You're so kind." Gerald said, "No, she isn't; she's just weird!"

WHY DID I ASK?

STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS AT OUR HOUSE:

Gerald accuses Les and me of having "verbal shorthand" and says he doesn't know what we're talking about half the time because we interrupt each other, finish each other's sentences, and expect each other to grasp whatever arcane references we've thrown about.

The following conversation between Les and me:

"Have you noticed that the phrase "I'm not THAT guy" has crept into the lexicon?"

"Yeah, remember the episode on How I Met Your Mother?"

"Which one?"

"The one where Ted finds a porn star with his name?"

"Yeah, but what's that got to do with..."

"Oh, there's a song with that title."

"How I Met Your Mother?"

"No, I'M NOT THAT GUY."

"Who's it by?"

"Andrew Jackson."

"Old Hickory--I hate that Indian killer."

"Bloody Bloody Andrew Jackson."

"He should be!"

"THAT guy or Andy Jackson?"

"I don't like him well enough to use the diminutive."

"That's the group's name."
======

Gerald said, "I don't know what ANY of that meant."

I said, "Obviously there's a group named Bloody Bloody Andrew Jackson who recorded a song named I'm Not That Guy and we've noticed people using that phrase a lot recently."

"Oh, SO that's what you two said!"

======

The conversation continued:

"James Joyce has nothing on us."

"Name one person who can HONESTLY say they've actually read Ulysses!"

"Well, I TRIED!"

"OK, Molly Bloom!"

"That's SUPREME!"

"Just call me Penelope."

Gerald jumped in: "I know that reference--Penelope was Ulysses' wife!"

"Wrong Penelope!"

Gerald said, "Explain it."

"James Joyce wrote Ulysses and it was banned in the United States and it was a famous Supreme Court case to have it sold in the U.S.; the book was a modern-day telling of Ulysses EXCEPT Leopold Bloom was Ulysses and Molly Bloom was Penelope EXCEPT Molly wasn't faithful and Leopold's odyssey lasted only one day."

Gerald said, "Why did I ask?

COOKING SNOB COMEUPPANCE

I admit that I am a cooking SNOB. Yesterday my sister-in-law reminded me that I had once said, quite haughtily, "I've never used a cake mix."

At a lovely luncheon after a funeral, on the dessert table was a plate of sumptuous-looking cookies. After sampling one, I went back for a second cookie. Not only were they delicious, but the cookies also demonstrated PIE (acronym in my family for "PRESENTATION IS EVERYTHING"). When I inquired who had made them, I was directed to Stacy and she told me they were very easy to make. I asked for the recipe and we exchanged e-mail addresses and she sent the recipe the same evening.

Imagine my surprise when the first item on the recipe was DUNCAN HINES CAKE MIX.

I made the cookies and took them to a gathering where my sister-in-law was in attendance. Three people asked for the recipe. There was my moral dilemma:  shall I admit to using a cake mix?  I produced the recipe and my sister-in-law hooted and did not hesitate to mention to the group my saying that I'd never used a cake mix.


RED VELVET COOKIES

1 box Duncan Hines Red Velvet cake mix
2 large eggs
2 tablespoons flour
1/2 cup softened butter

Mix together and roll into balls (about the size of your thumb and forefinger making a circle). Place on a greased cookie sheet.
Bake at 350 degrees for 10-12 minutes.

Let cool completely.

Spread filling on cookie and top with another cookie.

FILLING

1/4 cup softened butter
1 8-ounce package cream cheese, softened
2 cups powdered sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla

Mix together and spread on cooled cookies.

Sprinkle with powdered sugar, if desired.

Refrigerate.

GRACIOUS GOODNESS

My friend Mona Lisa swears that the following story is true.

Jennifer's wedding day was fast approaching. Nothing could dampen her excitement, not even her parent's nasty divorce.

Her mother had found the perfect dress to wear, and would be the best-dressed mother-of-the-bride ever A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn that her father's new, young wife had bought the exact same dress as her mother.

Jennifer asked her stepmother to exchange the dress, but she refused.

"Absolutely not! I look like a million bucks in this dress, and I'm wearing it!", she replied.

Jennifer told her mother, who graciously said, "Never mind, sweetheart. I'll get another dress. After all, it's your special day."

A few days later, they went shopping, and they did find another gorgeous dress for her mother. When they stopped for lunch, Jennifer asked her mother, "Aren't you going to return the other dress? You really don't have another occasion where you could wear it."

Her mother replied, "Oh, I'll find somewhere special to wear it."

She wore it to the rehearsal dinner, the night BEFORE the wedding!

ROBUST

We had dinner with Daren and Connie at Ellie's, a restaurant in the Park Mills Hotel in Yellow Springs.  Our waiter Chris immediately noticed that Gerald had his own teabags in his hand and he said that he would bring a pot of hot water.  He asked what kind of tea and Gerald told him in was Roiboos  from South Africa.  I told him I would like some hot tea also but I was not persnickety and would have one of their available teas.

When the waiter returned, he leaned his head next to mine and began singing If Ever I Would Leave You.  Naturally, I joined in and we sang the entire song.  We finished with a bravura rendition of  "at all", and the other diners applauded.  Of course I had to do a brief interview and learned he was 27. Later, he came by and asked, "Do you know Follies?", as he began singing I'm Still Here. I screaked, "I saw Elaine Stritch perform it."  and he shrieked in delight:  "ELAINE STRITCH and Bernadette Peters?"  I could tell from the looks on the faces of Gerald and our guests that they had no idea what we were talking about.  He and I sang the song and at the end, I stood and demonstrated how Stritch ended the song.

At an adjacent table he sang Barbra's People, and I was singing along with that.

By the way, I ordered scallops and they were delicious.  The menu was a mishmosh of Southern cuisine  with Filet Mignon and Chicken and Waffles on the same menu.   When Daren ordered coffee, the aroma of the coffee was enticing although I have never tasted coffee in my life.  Gerald ordered a cup and learned that it was from Ethiopia.  Gerald said it was the best coffee he'd ever tasked and afterwards he went to the gift shop and spent $16 on  ounces of coffee.  He said that he was searching for a word to describe it and I asked, "How about ROBUST? That's how Maxwell House is advertised!"

LIFE LESSONS

Recently, we were at dinner with a couple and their two young children, a boy and girl.

I was paying a great deal of attention to the boy and when there was a lull in the conversation, the father said to his daughter, "Why don't you tell Sue about your science project?" The girl's project was very interesting and then I spent a great amount of time talking to her, going into detail and asking questions.

Later, when both the children had gone to the concession area, I leaned over and said to the father, "Thank you for directing my attention to your daughter." He looked surprised and I asked, "Did you think I didn't get the message that I was ignoring her?"

I told him that I grew up with seven brothers and I always gravitated towards boys and that I have always made a conscious effort to be attentive to my nieces as I am naturally inclined toward the nephews. He said that he'd noticed that tendency in several women.

I was very impressed with his deft handling of the situation and I just want to tell him what a wonderful father he is and thanks for the valuable lesson. 

CRINGE--FAYETTE COUNTY TALK --DONE ALREADY

Yesterday, a reader commented that he hadn't seen a CRINGE column lately.

He said that he had an addition: "DONE ALREADY" as in the following: "He done already left."


He gave two other examples:

AM-BUH-LUNCE  for AMBULANCE
ALBLUM for ALBUM

Gerald said that he was in class last week and that there were two retired teachers sitting close to him and one of them said, "It don't." during a conversation.

I asked, "Didn't the other teacher take him to the woodshed?"

Gerald said he felt like taking a hickory switch to him.

I am in frequent contact with a retired "educator" who says "have went" and I am conflicted if I should tell him. It is surprising the number of times that phrase comes up in conversation

THAT BEING SAID

After reading the posting NOT LIKELY on Tuesday, my brother mentioned how he disliked people saying "That being said." as a filler and that recently his doctor was talking to him and she said, "That said." and then continued with the subject.

I said that the phrase is meant  to be used as a transition from something one has just said to something different, which contradicts the first statement.

I said, "To be grammatically correct, she should have said, "That having been said." "That being said" is an adverbial participle phrase; the verbal portion of the phrase "being said" does not contain a finite verb and ONLY finite verbs are tensed.

Oh, why do I quibble?

I asked, "What's wrong with saying HOWEVER?"

I have also noticed the prevalence of that phrase in the conversations of other people. I think it is a HOOK to be able to continue on with a statement.

My own HOOK, which I have tried to quit using is "ANYWAY". I encourage people to point it out when I use it to help me to overcome using it. THAT HAVING BEEN WRITTEN, at least it isn't as bad as saying: "You know what I mean?" or "You know."!

EVER CHARY

I said that my friend's lips were "pooching out" and my 
ever-chary friend exclaimed, "WHAT--pooching? Now, THAT can't be a real word!"

I answered, "My mother always used it; all of us use it." I said, "I'll have to check my experts Neil, Duke and Les."  I thought that maybe "pooching" was one of my mother's made-up words like "briggety"!

All of the brothers agreed that my usage of "pooching" was correct.

But since my friend is so smart, I decided I'd better check the OED!  Guess what? POOCHING is a perfectly good Anglo-Saxon word and it's not even slang. (NOTE: while writing this, Spell Check denies it, but dammit, I KNOW it's a word!)

POOCHING: present participle of "pooch":
to bulge, protrude or cause to protrude. Used with "out".
Example: "his lower lip pooched out in disappointment."

Les just yelled at me: "Hey, do you know what a pooch punt is in football?" (No, of course, I DON'T!)

POOCH PUNT: "A kick used by punters when the team is too far out for a field goal and too close to kick a normal punt."

I have written previously that my friend referenced above is the one who asks me what I have learned "new"  every day.  Yes, dear friend, I do learn something new every day and yes, I used "EVER-CHARY" to describe YOU!

MEGLOMANIA

Mona Lisa sent this amusing story. I don't know if her story is apocryphal, but following her story IS a true story:

If you've ever worked for a boss who reacts before getting the facts and thinking things through, you will love this.

Arcelor-Mittal Steel, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hired a new CEO. The new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers.

On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning against a wall. The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant business. He asked the guy, "How much money do you make a week?"

A little surprised, the man looked at him and said, "I make $400 a week. Why?"

The CEO said, "Wait right here." He walked back to his office, came back in two minutes, and handed the guy $1,600 in cash and said, "Here's four weeks' pay. Now GET OUT and don't come back."

Feeling pretty good about himself, the CEO looked around the room and asked, "Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-ball did here?"

From across the room a voice said, "Pizza delivery guy from Domino's."

MY TRUE STORY:

In 1979, at International Harvester, the Plant Manager, a retired Marine named Bill Duvall, toured the plant daily, with a huge cigar in his mouth. One morning, in Department 28, Duvall stopped in his tracks and called over a Supervisor, my friend John Steinhauer, and Duvall pointed to a guy sitting on the edge of a conveyor, eating a sandwich. Duvall screamed at John, "Go fire that lazy S.O.B.; doesn't he realize the line is running?" John didn't change a word, but simply went over to the guy and walked with him out of the department, as he noticed Duvall's approving look.

JOHN'S SIDE OF THE STORY:

John said that he went to the guy and said, "You see that S.O.B. standing over there chomping on the cigar?" The guy nodded that he did. John said, "He thinks you work here and he wants me to fire you." The guy asked, "Do you want me to act upset?" John told him that would make it perfect. The guy was from Ohio Bell and was there in the plant to fix the phones. John and the repairman had quite a laugh as they circled the department and returned to the same spot.

Years later when Duvall was leaving the Company for another company, John called the Ohio Bell repairman and asked him to come for the Farewell Party. He introduced the guy to Duvall and told Duvall that the story about his "firing" the Ohio Bell repairman was legendary. After the introduction, the Ohio Bell repairman said to Duvall, "I guess all bosses are A-holes!"

NOT LIKELY

My brother cringes whenever 
he hears people use the word "like" incorrectly.  He gave me the following article:

HOW TO STOP SAYING THE WORD "LIKE":

Every language has its vocalized pauses, which are meaningless words used to keep the conversation flowing smoothly.  In English, it's usually "um", "er", "ah", or "you know."  In North America, especially among young people, it's common to use the word "like" as a vocalized pause. It began with "Valley speak" which is a stereotypical manner of speaking that originated in Southern California in the 1970s. If you're, like, totally hooked on using the word "like," then these instructions will help you speak more professionally and stop being (like, so) annoying.

Everybody has done it at least once, teachers, professors, even the usually well-spoken President Obama had the habit. If you feel guilty for having the habit, you're not alone.

Know that using the word "like" a lot makes you sound uncertain or unsure of yourself. When you take this out of your vocabulary, you start sounding more definitive and confident of your answers.

Know how the word "like" is supposed to be used. There are only two correct usages:

Similarity - "This tastes like chicken."
Enjoyment - "I like this movie."

Pause when you would typically insert "like." Vocalized pauses are just filling places where you should pause. So, each time you anticipate saying "like," pause instead. This approach works for other vocalized pauses, such as: "um," "er," "ah," and, "you know."

Pausing will also make you sound more authoritative. Record yourself to see how often you use the word "like" incorrectly. Once you can pinpoint your most common mistakes, it'll be easier to catch yourself in action and make corrections. In any conversation or when speaking freely for a few minutes, you'll probably notice a few patterns, which are addressed in the following steps.

Stop using "like" when quoting someone. Whenever you catch yourself using "like" to put words in someone's mouth, replace it with "said". Better yet, come up with a verb that more specifically describes how the person spoke: yelled, whispered, answered, exclaimed, insisted, etc. Doing this helps the listener imagine what you're describing, and your stories will be much more enjoyable for others to hear.

Incorrect: "He was like 'Where are you going?' and she was like 'None of your business!'"

Correct: "He asked 'Where are you going?' and she yelled "None of your business!"

Don't use "like" to approximate. When you're giving a quantity that you're not sure of, you might use the word "like" to indicate that you're guessing or approximating. In this case, it can easily be replaced by the following words: about, approximately, or roughly.

Incorrect: "She's, like, five feet tall."
Correct: "She's about five feet tall."

Incorrect: "You'll need, like, three tablespoons of butter."
Correct: "You'll need roughly three tablespoons of butter."

Stop using "like" before adjectives and adverbs. You might also find yourself plugging other fillers such as "so" or "really" in between.

Incorrect: "He was, like, so tall."
Correct: "He was tall."

Incorrect: "She's, like, really irritated."
Correct: "She's irritated."

Improve your vocabulary. Your speech might feel "naked" without the word "like" to fill in gaps. The best remedy for this is to become more articulate. Whenever a statement feels plain, try to think of ways you can be more specific or descriptive.

Bad: "He's like 160 lbs."
Good: "He's about 160 lbs."

Better: "He weighs 160 lbs and has a stocky build."

Bad: "She's, like, really happy with her new job."
Good: "She's happy with her new job."
Better: "She's more satisfied with her new job."

Quit using the word "like" altogether. If you find that you're still having a hard time using "like" correctly, you might want to abandon the word altogether, at least temporarily, just to break the habit. Even though there are ways to use "like" correctly, there are also ways to replace it. You can't use the word incorrectly if you don't use it at all.

Similarity: Replace "like" with "similar to."
Enjoyment: Replace "like" with "enjoy" or "savor" or "love."

Ask friends, family, and co-workers to let you know whenever you use the word "like" incorrectly. For more encouragement, have them make you put some money in a jar (a quarter, a dollar) every time you say "like".

Don't replace "like" with another filler such as "um", "ah", "actually", "basically", "ya'know", or "and stuff".

As for myself, I am trying to break the habit of using the word 

"anyway" as a filler!

I UNDERSTAND ADDICTION

I understand addiction. I am an addict. I do not say this with any humor. I have been addicted to Coca Cola since I was a child. I recognize my addictive personality. I am empathetic with people who are addicted to smoking and other addictions which do not harm others.

In 1985, Coca Cola committed what is considered to be the biggest blunder in the business world by bringing out "New Coke" with plans to retire the original Coke (NOW known as "Classic Coke"). When the announcement was made, I, along with many others, began stockpiling original Coca Cola.

To illustrate the extent of my addiction:  I was scheduled to go to California for a week on Company business. In my carry-on bag I packed one change of underwear and cosmetics, and in my other luggage--two large bags--I packed all Coca Cola, because I was afraid I might not be able to  buy Coca Cola when I arrived there. I knew I could buy anything else else there, but, as my brother said, I was worried about "scoring Coke"! At that time, there was not a store in Washington Court House with any original Coca Cola remaining on its shelves. I had gone to every store which could possibly carry Coca Cola. I had cases of Coca Cola stored in the house and garages, arranged by expiration date.

A furor erupted from other obviously-addicted consumers and after what seemed like an eternity (three months), Coca Cola finally understood the popularity of the original Coke and reversed its plan.

The first thing I would do on Sundays was to check all of the store flyers to see the best buy that week. I had taken to buying the two-liter bottles as it was a better buy. 

I've given up drinking Coke several times in my life, but it was like Mark Twain quote on giving up smoking: "Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world; I know because I've done it thousands of times." 

 I drink CAFFEINE FREE Coca Cola because of complications with mammograms. 

CLICK HERE to read the article: 25 years since Coca-Cola's big blunder.

THE RUMOR MILL

My friend Mona Lisa told  the following anecdote:

A wife came home late at night and quietly opened the door to her bedroom.

From under the blanket she saw four legs instead of two. She reached for a baseball bat and started hitting the blanket as hard as she could. Once she was done, she went to the kitchen. As she entered, she saw her husband there, reading a magazine. "Hi Darling," he said, "Your parents made a surprise visit and since they were so tired, l let them stay in our bedroom. Did you say hello to them?”

 I am reminded of this true story: a husband was away on business. Because of car problems, a friend of the couple was stranded and the wife went to pick him up to stay at their home. He slept on the couch. The next morning, a neighbor, knowing that the husband was out of town, came to check on the well-being of the family. The wife was in the bathroom. The friend, dressed in the husband's pajamas, thought nothing about answering the door when the neighbor came.

The neighbor saw this innocent situation, but imagined something entirely different. The rumor mill flourished. This couple endured years of whispers, gossip, and innuendo. But because of trust, the couple survived.

A DOG'S LIFE

 FROM MONA LISA:

My dog sleeps about 20 hours a day.

My dog has his food prepared for him. He can eat whenever he wants.

His meals are provided at no cost to him.

He visits the doctor once a year for his checkup, and again, anytime, during the year if any medical needs arise.

For this he pays nothing, and nothing is required of him.

He lives in a nice neighborhood in a house that is much larger than he needs, but he is not required to do any upkeep.

If he makes a mess, someone else cleans it up.

He has his choice of luxurious places to sleep.

He receives these accommodations absolutely free.

He is living like a King, and has absolutely no expenses whatsoever.

All of his costs are picked up by others who go out and earn a living every day.

I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me like a brick in the head:

My dog is DONALD TRUMP!

IS WATER THE ANSWER TO ALL PROBLEMS?

I told a friend that no matter what problem I quiz my doctor about, she always recommends drinking more water.  I asked, "Is water the answer to all problems?"  

 I asked Gerald's cardiologist why people have to pee so much at night time. The answer from him: gravity holds water in the lower part of one's body when upright. When one lies down and the lower body seeks level with the kidneys it is then that the kidneys remove the water because it is easier.

I knew one needs minimum water to help flush the toxins out of the body, but this was news to me. Correct time to drink water (very important from a cardiologist):

Drinking water at a certain time maximizes its effectiveness on the body:

2 glasses of water after waking up - helps activate internal organs
1 glass of water 30 minutes before a meal - helps digestion
1 glass of water before taking a bath - helps lower blood pressure
1 glass of water before going to bed - avoids stroke or heart attack

The doctor said that drinking water at bed time will also help to prevent night-time leg cramps. Leg muscles are seeking hydration when they cramp and that's why we wake up with a charley horse. A friend's doctor told her to drink quinine water forthe  charley horse problem

NUANCE

The movie Diner was named by Vanity Fair magazine as "The Most Influential Film Of the Last 30 Years". (see link below) 

Gerald, Les, and I love the movie. Whenever I begin talking about the "flip-side" of records or any other similar trivia, Les will say, "OK, Shrevie." which is a reference to the character Shrevie in Diner because of his obsession with his records and the "B" sides.

Whenever we're discussing words, I will quote the character Modell: "You know what word I'm not comfortable with? Nuance. It's not a real word, like gesture. That's a real word. With gesture, you know where you stand."

When Eddie asks, "You're making out--who do you prefer--Sinatra or Mathis?" and when Boogie answers, "I prefer Presley.", I just howl.

We were having dinner with friends who are also fellow movie aficionados. With my meal I ordered fries and I asked to have the fries topped with gravy. One of the friends said, "You must have seen Diner."  I laughed and said, "That's where I got the idea!"

CLICK HERE to see "Diner - named the most influential movie of the last 30 years" article.

STEUBEN ENVY

When I told a fellow Waterford lover about the Waterford Bride and Groom piece which I had found on shopgoodwill.com., he wanted to see it. I wrapped it carefully in towels and took it to show him. I held it up to the sunlight for him to view the hallmark. I said, "Even if it's a fake, it's beautiful and worth the $6.99 I paid for it." He said, "That piece would cost at least $300.00!" I said, "I looked on eBay and it was selling for $139.00." "WHY would someone donate Waterford?", he asked.

I said, "They probably have STEUBEN!"

I have always wanted a piece of Steuben and I learned that the company folded and now I'll probably never have a piece.

To read the story about Steuben, CLICK HERE

COUNTRY CLASSIC

Recently, on our "date night", at the restaurant,  "Jambalaya" was listed as the soup of the day. When I ordered a bowl, I asked the waitress, "Do you have crawfish pie?" I saw that she was dumbfounded, so, of course I started singing, "Jambalaya, crawfish pie, and fillet gumbo." Seeing that she also did not get the reference, I said, "Hank Williams, it's a very famous song." She said she didn't know Hank Williams. (I am glad that I thought better of mentioning Junior and the Third!) I said, "You're too young." She answered, "I'm 41." I said, "Oh, you're just a baby." A woman, sitting at an adjacent table, waiting to have her food delivered, said, "I'm 53 and I don't know it, either."  I had gauged this woman as being older. She had dreads longer than Bob Marley and Lenny Kravitz and she was wearing a long skirt and top that looked reminiscent of hippie clothes from the sixties.  Her companion didn't know the country classic either.

So, there I was, a person who doesn't even like country and western music, singing Jambalaya, in public, to five people who don't get it.

When I related the story tomy brother Les, he said, "It doesn't do any good to make cultural references when your audience isn't going to get them!"

LIGETI

Recently, in conversation with a couple of friends, we were discussing how influential movies have been in our lives. As we were discussing The Best Years Of Our Lives, one friend said, "I have cold chills just thinking about it!" and showed the goose bumps on her arm.  

I read once that before the advent of movies, people kissed with their eyes OPEN. When the kissing scene was on the screen the actors had their eyes open and the audience, in the silent-movie theater, were tittering. When the actors began CLOSING their eyes, the audiences did not laugh.

People usually read books prior to seeing movies based on the books.  Several times I have been so impressed with a movie that I have read the original source material.  I had never read a Stephen King book before I saw The Shawshank Redemption; I haven't read one since.  I read James Dickey's book Deliverance ONLY after seeing the movie. I read Harold Robbins roman a clef called A Stone For Danny Fisher after learning that Elvis' movie King Creole  was based on that book; about the only thing similar in the movie was the name Danny Fisher.

On our first date, Gerald said that he liked the music from Also Sprach Zarathustra.  I said, "I detest that anti-Semite Wagner!" He countered with, "How about Ligeti?" How could I not fall in love with someone who actually knew Lux Aeterna? He admitted he was under the spell of  2001: A Space Odyssey and its classical music.

"OF ALL THE UNMITIGATED GALL!"

Since I was a teenager, I've used the phrase, "Of all the unmitigated gall!". I'm going to confess right now that I stole it from Joan Crawford as she uttered it in the movie Mildred Pierce.   Last year, during a Facebook thread squabble, a man used "Of all the unmitigated gall" in a response, and I chastised him for not attributing it to the writers of Mildred Pierce. He admitted that was where he'd heard it and also mentioned that I must be "really old" to know that reference.

At Rockwell, I had a love/hate relationship with the Union Committeeman, John, who was also a movie lover and prided himself as a "psychologist". He knew when I was "acting" as if I were furious and he would say which actress I was emulating for my "performance". One time, he and a worker, Marilynn, were in my office as I was dispensing disciplinary action to her.  Marilynn began crying and I stood up and said, "I'll give you the opportunity to compose yourself, Marilynn; I'll just step outside." John followed me to my secretary's desk and I said, "Go back in there and tell her that the waterworks don't work on me!" He said, "Is that Barbara Stanwyck or Rosalind Russell?" My secretary, Myra began laughing. I said, "No, that was more like my mother!"

My office was next to my Labor Representative Dave. Another time, John and Leo, the Zone Committeeman, were in my office and we were having a heated conversation and I hit the wall with my hand, knocking down a picture from the wall. Dave heard the commotion and rushed over and as the door was open, he walked in and asked if everything was OK. John said, "She's just doing her BEST Joan Crawford!" 

John DID know me well as he said, "When she's really mad, she crosses her arms and speaks in a very low voice; that's the only time I take her seriously!"

WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THAT?

FROM MONA LISA

Why didn't I think of that? I guarantee that you’ll be uttering those words more than once because of these ingenious little tips, tricks and ideas that solve everyday problems.

1. Hull strawberries easily using a straw.

2. Rubbing a walnut over scratches in your furniture will disguise scratches and dings.

3. Remove crayon masterpieces from your TV or computer screen with WD40.

4. Stop cut apples from browning in your child’s lunch box by securing with a rubber band.


5. Overhaul your linen cupboard, store bed linen sets inside one of their own pillowcases and there will be no more hunting through piles for a match.

6. Pump up the volume by placing your iPhone or iPod in a bowl. The concave shape amplifies the music.

7. Re-use a wet-wipes container to store plastic bags.

8. Add baby powder to your beach bag. Baby powder gets sand off your skin easily; who knew?

9. Attach a Velcro strip to the wall to store soft toys.

10. Use wire to make a space to store gift wrap rolls against the ceiling, or the back of a closet, rather than cluttering up the floor.

11. Find tiny lost items like earrings by putting a stocking over the vacuum hose.

12. Make an instant cupcake carrier by cutting crosses into a box lid.

13. Forever losing your bathroom essentials? Use magnetic strips to store bobby pins, tweezers and clippers, behind a vanity door.

14. Store shoes inside shower caps while traveling to stop dirty soles rubbing on your clothes. And you can find them in just about every hotel.

15. A muffin pan becomes a craft caddy. Magnets hold the plastic cups down to make them tip-resistant.


16. Bread tags make the perfect cord labels.

17. Bake cupcakes directly in ice-cream cones, so much more fun and easier for kids to eat.

18. Microwave your own popcorn in a plain brown paper bag. Much healthier and cheaper than the packet stuff.

19. Install a tension rod to hang your spray bottles.

20. Turn your muffin pan upside down, bake cookie-dough over the top and voila, you have cookie bowls for fruit or ice-cream.

21. Freeze Aloe Vera in ice-cube trays for soothing sunburn relief.

22. Create a window-box veggie patch using guttering.

23. Use egg cartons to separate and store your Christmas decorations.