LUST

 13, 2013

The way I feel about tomatoes is IMMORAL: I lust after them. I am ADDICTED to them.  I have had enablers all my life: Mother always allowed me to have the FIRST tomato of the season; my brother Norman would literally share his FIRST tomato of the season with me--by cutting it in two-- and, of course, Gerald presents me the first tomato from the garden. I am indeed fortunate to have friends who also feed my addiction.  As I say, "I never met a tomato I didn't like.",  but the lovely Rutgers is my favorite.  This season has been splendid with Gerald, family, and friends enabling my addiction. 

I want the tomatoes HOT from the garden.  I will wash off the dirt and grab the salt shaker and devour them.  I have been known to eat only tomatoes instead of having meals.

Tomatoes are indigenous to the New World; Aztecs cultivated and ate them. When the Spaniards took them to Europe in the sixteenth century, many thought they were poisonous. Tomatoes are in the same family as tobacco and the deadly Mandrake.

Some thought tomatoes were an aphrodisiac.The French named them pommes d'amour--LOVE APPLES--and the French are always so succinct because I LOVE tomatoes.

Oh, sadly, the season will soon be over and I will be cursing those PLASTIC tomatoes in the grocery.

AWFUL OFFAL

Having liver and onions as one of my birthday meals brought the usual amount of protestations from my brother, Les, who was preparing the meal. He thinks the meat is disgusting.  He said, "Offal is awful!"  I like offal: livers, gizzards, tongues, hearts, kidneys, lungs, tripe, and brains (yes, I have eaten brains and enjoyed them). Being the youngest in the family Les was not as exposed to our wide variety of "epicurean delights" as the older ones were.

Gerald grimaces when I mention the "delicacies"; I've told him it's hard for me to believe that he grew up on a farm and had not had these treats. I said, "If I say I love pate de foie gras that'll be OK, rather than goose liver." I like braunschweiger (liverwurst) but I cannot tolerate blood pudding, head cheese or souse.

My mother would prepare any wild game brought except for opossum or raccoon .  I think it was because the opossum were so disgusting and we had raccoons as pets.  As kids, we ate ground hog and muskrat, but Mother insisted we say "marsh rabbit" as that euphemism sounded so much better. I never tasted "mountain oysters"; Mother said she was tricked into eating them once and although they were delicious, she would not have eaten them if she'd known what they were. 

I told Les I was going to write about eating squab.  He said, "Oh, that sounds so much better than saying you were eating DOVES!"  I said that squab was also pigeon.  He said, "That's even worse!"

The derivation of the saying "To eat humble pie", which means to apologize and face humiliation, is from the Old English word "umbles" which was the term for offal from deer and was considered "humble".

QUIZ FOR PEOPLE WHO KNOW EVERYTHING

Mona Lisa sent this quiz.  

This is a quiz for people who know everything!

1. Name the one sport in which neither the spectators nor the participants know the score or the leader until the contest ends.

2. What famous North American landmark is constantly moving backward?

3. Of all vegetables, only two can live to produce on their own for several growing seasons. All other vegetables must be replanted every year. What are the only two perennial vegetables?

4. What fruit has its seeds on the outside?

5. In many liquor stores, you can buy pear brandy, with a real pear inside the bottle. The pear is whole and ripe, and the bottle is genuine; it hasn't been cut in any way. How did the pear get inside the bottle?

6. Only three words in standard English begin with the letters "dw" and they are all common words. Name two of them.

7. There are 14 punctuation marks in English grammar. Can you name at least half of them?

8. Name the only vegetable or fruit that is never sold frozen, canned, processed, cooked, or in any other form except fresh.

9. Name 6 or more things that you can wear on your feet beginning with the letter "S".

Answers To Quiz:

1. The one sport in which neither the spectators nor the participants know the score or the leader until the contest ends: boxing.

2. North American landmark constantly moving backward: Niagara Falls. The rim is worn down about two and a half feet each year because of the millions of gallons of water that rush over it every minute.

3. Only two vegetables that can live to produce on their own for several growing seasons: asparagus and rhubarb.

4. The fruit with its seeds on the outside: strawberry.

5. How did the pear get inside the brandy bottle? It grew inside the bottle. The bottles are placed over pear buds when they are small and are wired in place on the tree.The bottle is left in place for the entire growing season. When the pears are ripe, they are snipped off at the stems.

6. Three English words beginning with "dw": dwarf, dwell and dwindle.

7. Fourteen punctuation marks in English grammar: period, comma, colon, semicolon, dash, hyphen, apostrophe, question mark, exclamation point, quotation marks, brackets, parentheses, braces, and ellipses.

8. The only vegetable or fruit never sold frozen, canned, processed, cooked, or in any other form but fresh: lettuce.

9. Six or more things you can wear on your feet beginning with the letter "S": shoes, socks, sandals, sneakers, slippers, skis, skates, snowshoes, stockings, and stilts. 

THAT GUY

STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS AT OUR HOUSE:

Gerald accuses Les and me of having "verbal shorthand" and says he doesn't know what we're talking about half the time because we interrupt each other, finish each other's sentences, and expect each other to grasp whatever arcane references we've thrown about, without explanation.

The following conversation between Les and me:

"Have you noticed that the phrase 'I'm not THAT guy'

 has crept into the lexicon?"

"Yeah, remember the episode on How I Met Your Mother?"

"Which one?"

"The one where Ted finds a porn star with his name?"

"Yeah, but what's that got to do with..."

"Oh, there's a song with that title."

"How I Met Your Mother?"

"No, I'M NOT THAT GUY."

"Who's it by?"

"Andrew Jackson."

"Old Hickory--I hate that Indian killer."

"Bloody Bloody Andrew Jackson."

"He should be!"

"THAT guy or Andy Jackson?"

"I don't like him well enough to use the diminutive."

"That's the group's name."
======

Gerald said, "I don't know what ANY of that meant."

I said, "Obviously there's a group named Bloody Bloody Andrew Jackson who recorded a song named I'm Not That Guy  and we've noticed that phrase being used a lot recently."

Gerald:  "Oh, SO that's what you two said!"

======

The conversation continued between Les and me:

"James Joyce has nothing on us."

"Name one person who can HONESTLY say they've actually read Ulysses."

"Well, I TRIED!"

"OK, Molly Bloom!"

"That's SUPREME!"

"Just call me Penelope."

Gerald jumped in: "I know that reference--Penelope was Ulysses' wife!"

"Wrong Penelope!"

Gerald said, "Explain it."

"James Joyce wrote Ulysses and it was banned in the United States and it was a famous Supreme Court case to have it sold in the U.S.; the book was a modern-day telling of  UlyssesEXCEPT Leopold Bloom was Ulysses and Molly Bloom was Penelope EXCEPT Molly wasn't faithful and Leopold's odyssey lasted only one day."

Gerald said, "Why did I ask?"

TELL ME ABOUT IT!

In response to the article CARELESS,  Mona Lisa called and said, "How about other sarcastic inverse expressions?" I asked which ones and she said, "Such as 'TELL ME ABOUT IT!' which obviously means "DO NOT tell me about it because I already know about it already!"

She continued, "There's also the omnipresent "RIGHT!" (said with verbal elongation
"RI-I-I-GHT"!) and "YA THINK?", both equally sarcastic and irritating!"

Then there's the Yiddish expression "I SHOULD BE SO LUCKY!" which has the same sarcastic inversion as "I COULD CARE LESS!"

WHAT IS IT?

Les and I hate the phrase "IT IS WHAT IT IS" because:



1. neither of us know what it means.
2. it sounds stupid.

WHAT IS IT?



We love the cartoon from The New Yorker:
See some answers from The Urban Dictionary:

1. Used often in the business world, this incredibly versatile phrase can be literally translated as "f..k it."
The client changed the deadline to today? Well, it is what it is.

2. A cliche, popular within the circles of coaches, business execs, and those of us who just want to say "It's happened. 'I'm going to forget about it. I'm going to move on. There is nothing that can be done about it."

Voted by USA Today as the #1 cliche of 2004
"We showed up and gave 100%, and it is what it is. NASCAR driver Jimmie Johnson, after finishing second in the Nextel Cup championship. (AP, Nov. 22)

"Never in a million years did I think we would be 1-5 at this juncture, but it is what it is. Mike Minter, safety for the NFL's Carolina Panthers, on his team's start this season. (AP, Oct. 24)

Is this a better game than before? That's what a lot of people are asking. Perhaps the more precise question should be: Is this what hockey is going to evolve into? And if so, will the fans, the players, the coaches, and the general managers embrace it as NHL hockey?
"It is what it is," said Flyers coach Ken Hitchcock. "It's a new game." (AP, Oct. 23)

3. A) A phrase that seems to simply state the obvious but actually implies helplessness.

B) A phrase that seems to simply state the obvious but actually means "it will be what it is," as in "it ain't gonna change, so deal with it or don't." See also tough shit, oh well, cry me a river and tfb.

Meaning A
J: I can't believe the price of gas!
B: It is what it is.

Meaning B
J: It troubles me that you continue to put cyanide in my Yoohoo even after I've asked you to stop.
B: It is what it is. 

CARELESS

A friend asked for a substitute phrase to use rather than  "I couldn't care less."

I never use either of the phrases "I couldn't care less" and "I could care less" because I find both of them to be nonsensical.

Below is an explanation I'm borrowing from Common Errors In English Usage by Paul Brian:

COULD CARE LESS
______________________

I COULDN'T CARE LESS


The expression "I COULDN'T CARE LESS" originally meant: "It would be impossible for me to care less than I do because I do not care at all" is rendered senseless by being transformed into the now-common "I COULD CARE LESS".

IF one COULD care less, that means one could care some! The original "I couldn't care less" already dripped sarcasm, so it's pointless to argue that the newer version is "ironic".

The original expression "I couldn't care less" was a British saying and came to the U.S. in the 1950s. The inverted form "I could care less" was coined in the U.S. and was first recorded in print in 1966. The question is--something caused the negative to vanish even while the original form of the expression was still very much in vogue and available for comparison--so what was it?

People who misuse the phrase are obviously just being CARELESS!

HARTMANN

One time, all of the management team had been called to have what we termed a "Come To Jesus Meeting". We were all sitting around a conference room table waiting, with dread, for our boss to arrive.

As we trying not to show our apprehension, we were making small talk and one of my colleagues admired my briefcase which was Coach brand. The other guys were also looking at it and we did not notice when our boss walked into the room.

We heard his voice say, "Well, are you all going to have a damned orgasm about the briefcase?"

Nobody spoke and hurried to their seats. He asked, disdainfully, "Well, Sue?"

I said, "No, I would only have an orgasm about a HARTMANN briefcase!"

Fortunately, he laughed!

(Starting bid on the Hartmann  briefcase on eBay - $700)

IN A DITHER

I was without my cell phone for three days and I find it difficult to believe--and I am now embarrassed to admit--just how dependent I am on having the cell phone.

Dring the three days, I caught myself dozens of times reaching for the phone and then last evening someone called me on my home phone, urgently needing telephone numbers she thought I might have; the numbers were unlisted in the telephone directory. The numbers she needed were stored in my cell phone. I told her that my cell phone was dead, but I would try to find the numbers she needed.

After hanging up, I started grumbling to Les, "WHY am I supposed to be the REPOSITORY for all knowledge in the world?"

Being sensible, he responded, "Just call her back and tell her you can't get it, instead of being in a dither, but, as usual, you want to be the rescuer."

After complimenting his use of the word "dither", I looked in three address books, called the operator, and left messages for several people I thought who might have the numbers, and I was able to locate all of  the numbers except one.  However,  I remembered that the daughter of one of my tenants is married to the cousin of the ex-husband of one of the people with whom my friend needed to make contact.

I decided to give that circuitous route a try.  The mother wasn't home; I spoke to the step-father; he gave me the cell phone number of his stepdaughter; I left a message; she returned my call; she had to go home to find the number. She returned my call with the number of the ex-husband. I thought, "I know they had an acrimonious break-up, so he might be irritated, but what the heck, it's worth a try." He answered and very obligingly gave me the cell phone number of the ex-wife.

All told, it took less than half an hour. Les, said, "Good job, Sherlock!" I called to give the number and she was very relieved.

Lessons learned:

1. Never be afraid to call anybody if it's to help someone else with a problem.

2. I just spent some time transferring my cell phone storage numbers onto the computer and also made a paper copy.

DOUBLE NEGATIVE

Hearing the current resident of the White House blame his reprehensible behavior on the use or misuse of a "double negative", was typical of his ignorance.  

Adverbs such as hardly, rarely, scarcely, barely, and seldom, should not be used in the same clause with a negative word as it creates a double negative.  Adverbs which suggest "few", "little", and "not often", should not be used with a negative.

During the Fair week, someone used "couldn't hardly" and that transported me back in time as I recall my teacher Miss Digman physically recoiling when a classmate said it. I knew at the time that it was incorrect usage, and that I undoubtedly would never say or write it in my lifetime, but that vision of Miss Digman's reaction is indelibly etched in my brain and has kept me vigilant.

An acquaintance quizzed my using "were" instead of "was" in a sentence, "If that were the case....." Of course I know that "if" in that sentence requires the subjunctive mood and "were" is correct, but the acquaintance said it sounded "wrong" and "stilted" and although pleased with her use of the word "stilted", I replied, "It sounds correct, as it were." 

"As it were.":  my brothers and I laugh and imitate our teacher Mr. Kelley when we use the subjunctive mood, as Mr. Kelley would often say "As it were."

I'm glad to have had some good teachers.

CECILIA, LAURA AND SOREN

Recently, in a local store, I noticed the name tag of the clerk serving me showed "Cecilia". Naturally, I began to sing Paul Simon's Cecilia (well, it's natural for me.) The clerk said, "My grandpa always sings that to me." Knowing right then that I was probably close to her grandpa's age, I said, "He must be a Simon and Garfunkel fan." As I thought about the next line of the song, I realized that it was hardly appropriate for a grandfather to be singing to a granddaughter. I asked her, "How much of the song does he sing to you?" She answered, "Just the name." Relieved at knowing that Grandpa had not sung any of the risque lyrics to her, I asked her if she knew the rest of the song; she said she'd never listened to it.

I thought, "NEVER listened to it? If I were named Cecilia, and I knew there was a song with that name, I'm sure I would've listened to it."

I debated with myself about continuing, but surged ahead, "Well, you're probably named for St. Cecilia." She said, "I've never heard of her." I said, "She's the patron saint of musicians."

Undeterred, I continued, "There's a couple of poems by famous poets about St. Cecilia you could google."

The lack of curiosity of people is a constant source of amazement to me.

This reminded me another clerk named Laura and when I sang a snippet of the song Laura to her, she said she'd never heard the song and she thought I'd made it up.  When I asked her if she'd ever seen the movie, she asked who was in it and when I said, "Gene Tierney" she said she'd never heard of HIM. How could anyone named Laura not know about the song and movie?

However, there is hope: my favorite store clerk is named Soren and he seemed pleased when I asked if he were named for Kierkegaard and he said that his parents were existentialists. That made my day.  I always try to get in Soren's line at the store.

Les asked, "What is it with you and clerks?"

BIBB OR BUTTER LEAF

A wonderful friend called and asked if I could use some free lettuce. [As FREE is my favorite word, you now know why I described the friend as "wonderful"] 

A truck was stalled and the refer unit was out and could not deliver the load of lettuce on time; the distribution center refused to take it as the refer unit had been out. The produce company instructed the driver to dump the lettuce.

Fortunately, my friend was called and she was able to get 3 crates. How many in a crate, you might ask.  There were 24 heads to a crate. My friend delivered a crate to my house. Thank goodness we have an extra refrigerator in the garage.

I immediately put the word out to family and friends--FREE lettuce--I now have 6 heads left.

When my friend called, I assumed it would be iceberg lettuce, but when I looked in the refrigerator, I said, "WOW, it's Bibb, I love Bibb." Les pointed to the label and said, "No, it's BUTTER LEAF." I said, "It sure looks like Bib." He said, "Your first indication that it's NOT Bibb is the label on the crate." I said, "I've had butter leaf lettuce when I've bought bags of mixed lettuces, [Yes, I said LETTUCES] but this looks like Bibb." He said, "Just admit that you don't know EVERYTHING in the world--it's butter leaf--NOT Bibb!"

Of course I had to check on google and guess what? "Butter leaf" and "butter head" lettuces are also known as BOSTON BIBB.

So there, Les!

PRODUCE PICKS: Butter Leaf Lettuce
By–Michael R. Marks

For many people, digesting lettuce salads is tough, especially as they get older. So for many older diners, lettuce salad is no longer on the menu.

Whenever George Burns entered a restaurant, his first question was,“Do you have butter-leaf?” Chefs who served Burns knew that when he walked in, the butter-leaf came out of their walk-in. That's because butter-leaf is the easiest of all lettuces to digest.

Cut a head of butter-leaf lettuce in half and you will know how it got its name – from the buttery yellow color inside. It's also marketed as butter lettuce, butterhead, Bibb, Boston or limestone lettuce.

You can also find it still “alive,” hydroponically grown, which I love. The leaves are soft, and the flavor is delicate and sweet. Field-grown butter-leaf retails for about 99 cents to $1.49 a head. The hydroponic lettuce will cost about $3.99, but it lasts a long, long time. You will never have to throw lettuce away again.

FAIRLY CRINGING

CRINGE: MORE FAYETTE COUNTY TALK FROM THE FAYETTE COUNTY FAIR.

Sitting in the Fayette County Democrats booth, I was not surprised to hear a number of politically-associated cringe-worthy items.

INTERPRETATE rather than INTERPRET
CANNIDATE rather than CANDIDATE
FEDRAL rather than FEDERAL
ELECTORIAL rather than ELECTORAL
FISICAL rather than FISCAL
UPMOST rather than UTMOST
SUPREMIST rather than SUPREMACIST
PEROGATIVE rather than PREROGATIVE
MUTE rather than MOOT
HIARKY rather than HIERARCHY

CRINGING AT THE FAIR

My friend Vivian reminded me that I had not published a "CRINGE--FAYETTE COUNTY TALK" article in awhile.

It certainly hasn't been because I haven't heard plenty.  Being at the Fair this week has brought a wealth of material!

Someone said VICE-A VERSA rather than VICE VERSA.

FLUSTRATED--I haven't heard that in awhile.

MANGO-- rather than green bell pepper.

CLEMATIS--someone tried to correct my pronunciation!

TOWARDS instead of toward.

FOR SURE (pronounced as one word FERSHURE)

JUBILEE

From Mona Lisa:

I AM NOT RESIGNED

A good friend called and when she heard my raspy voice (because of my having a cold), she cautioned me by saying: "It gives a lovely light." She didn't need to use the complete quote as we are usually simpatico and engage in verbal shorthand; I knew she was referring to an Edna St. Vincent Millay poem:


"My candle burns at both ends,
It will not last the night,
But, oh, my foes, and oh, my friends,
It gives a lovely light."

What a nice reminder to take care of myself.

We recited the poem together.

We spoke about how, as teenagers, we adored Millay. She asked, "Do you think anybody still reads her?" I said, "There's a Millay Society." She asked, "I wonder if we loved her so much because she was a feminist and free-thinker or because she was a great poet?" I said, "Well, you know what Thomas Hardy said--the two greatest things about America--skyscrapers and Millay!" She said, "Well, she's not in the GREAT category like Yeats."

I asked, "Remember Mort Sahl?" She said, "Wow, you DIGRESS!" I said, "No, he said, "They quoted Edna St. Vincent Millay, but they believed Henry Kaiser." She wailed, "How the Hell do you remember these things?" I asked, "How many times could you ever have a quote by Sahl about Millay?"

She said, "I think I'll drag out Dirge Without Music; I haven't heard it since you had it recited at a funeral."

Simultaneously, we both began to say, "And I am not resigned." 

HONEYMOONERS

Remember when Jackie Gleason (as Ralph Kramden)in an exasperated mannert, would say to Audrey Meadows (as Alice Kramden), "One of these days, POW, right to the moon, Alice!", gesturing as if he were going to hit her, and she would answer, "Right in the kisser!"

Why did we think an expression of domestic violence was funny? Precisely because everyone could share his exasperation and we also knew he would NEVER do it!

Whenever I cause Gerald or Les to become exasperated with me, Les will show the Ralph Kramden "POW!" gesture and say, "A LUNAR EXCURSION, Alice!"

FAIR FARE

This was published last year.

                                        FAIR FOOD

OK, I'll admit it:  I LOVE FAIR FOOD!

Yes, give me funnel cakes, elephant ears, Polish Sausage sandwiches, the fare at the Pork Producers, the Cattlemen's Association, and Saint Colman's, but last year I fell in love with POTATO ON A STICK! I ate something similar the previous year, with the potato deep fried like French fries, curled and served on a plate, but the potatoes last year were served on a skewer.

I was fascinated to see the process as the concessionaire drilled a hole through the potato with a Mikita drill, affixed it on a stick and then deep-fried it.  Look at that splendid presentation below:

The girls in the picture, Elizabeth and Brittany, were walking through the building where our booth is located, showing the potato on a stick, trying to solicit business, and I asked them to bring one back to me.

When Elizabeth returned she said that she had been reported by another vendor for soliciting business which is against the rules of the Fair.

What an assault on their entrepreneurial spirit.

The girls are from North Carolina, moved to Zanesville, where Elizabeth's mother and step-father started the concession business, and they have been working at county fairs.

I hope to see them next year!

OUR LAST LAUGH

The first time I smelled marijuana was in 1969 at a Richie Havens concert. I asked Gerald, "What's THAT smell?" He laughed and said, "It's pot." I asked, "How do you know?" He answered, "Because I smell it all the time at work!"

Gerald and I had very good seats at that concert and shortly before the concert started a swarm of people flooded the aisles close to us. Security never even bothered to come to make them move. [Hey, it was the 60s] We had aisle seats and a noticeably pregnant woman squatted down beside Gerald's seat and sat cross-legged on the floor. Ever the gentleman, Gerald jumped up and offered his seat, which she gladly accepted. Within minutes, she offered me a joint. I gasped, "Should you be doing that while you're pregnant?" She said, dopily, "I'll have a mellow baby!" When I didn't take the joint, she said, "Pass it on down." I couldn't believe that someone would take a puff from a cigarette of another person--a stranger--but the next person took it! [Hey, it was the 60s]

I often told Gerald that we shouldn't take a physical after a concert after being engulfed by the fragrance.

I encountered THAT illegal aroma quite often after that. Sometimes I think that Gerald and I are the only ones of our generation who didn't smoke pot.  When my sister-in-law was dying from cancer, she had no appetite because of all the chemo and radiation. She was staying with me for a couple of days while my brother closed on their house out of town. 

trying to think of something she could eat, she said that she thought she could eat some of my noodles. I set about making chicken and noodles. I'll never forget, as I was hurrying down to the family room, I tripped on the steps, spilling noodles all over the floor and I broke my little toe. I hobbled back to the kitchen and took another serving to her; when she tried to take a bite, she couldn't. I asked her, "Do you want me to get you some marijuana; I hear it helps?" Shocked, she asked, "HOW would YOU get marijuana?" I looked at the clock and said, "I can have some in half an hour." She said, "I thought that you would NEVER do anything like that." I said, "Hell, I think it should be legalized, and I would do it for you." She said, "I've never even smoked a cigarette." I asked, "Do you know how to inhale?"

We laughed. It's the last laugh we ever had together.

41 MILES TO THE GALLON

A recent study conducted by THE Ohio State University found that the average Buckeye walks 900 miles a year.

A study by the American Medical Association found that a Buckeye drinks about 22 gallons of alcohol a year.

This means, on average, Buckeyes get about 41 miles to the gallon. 

PARASKEVIDEKATRIAPHOBIA

Reprinted from Sue's News from several years:

As I am NOT superstitious, just for giggles and grins, I always say that 13 is my lucky number.    

                          PARASKEVIDEKATRIAPHOBIA

Recently a friend told me that I was incorrect in writing that TRISKAIDEKAPHOBIA is the term for the fear of Friday the 13th;  the actual correct word is PARASKEVIDEKATRIAPHOBIA.

See the article from The Urban Dictionary:  I especially like the last line:  "Though it has a serious use in psychology, it seems to exist mostly to provide an opportunity like me to show off  weird words from classical languages."

TRISKAIDEKAPHOBIA

Fear of the number 13.  

Strictly, the word does refer only to fear of the number 13, but it’s often extended to mean fear of the inauspicious date Friday 13th.  Every year has at least one Friday the 13th.   The word’s origins are all Greek, from tris, “three”, kai, “and”, deka, “ten” (so making thirteen), plus phobia, “fear, flight”. The word is a modern formation, dating only from 1911 (it first appeared in I H Coriat’s Abnormal Psychology). Though it has a serious use in psychology, it seems to exist mostly to provide an opportunity for people like me to show off weird words from classical languages. I'm triskaidekaphobic (no I'm not).

IRRITATING PHRASES

 

Oxford University published its list of the Ten Most Irritating Phrases:

1. At the end of the day
2. Fairly unique
3. I personally
4. At this moment in time
5. With all due respect
6. Absolutely
7. It's a nightmare
8. Shouldn't of
9. 24/7
10. It's not rocket science

While those are excellent, following are ones which family and friends tell me are irritating:

Maverick
Shovel-ready
I'm just sayin'
Game on
Let's do this
No problem
In these trying economic times
You know what I mean
My bad
Don't go there
Do more with less
Threw him under the bus
It's all good
It is what it is

I'm sure there are more to contribute. BRING IT ON (please forgive that!)

CORN

In the 1970s Carl Wilt told me about using the dishwasher to prepare corn on the cob for eating and freezing. At that time Mother raised corn in the garden and we would freeze 26 packages of corn--enough for corn every other week-- for the remainder of the year.

When I have company for dinner, I don't like to have the kitchen sweltering and I try to plan meals during the summer without using the oven. One of my favorite meals for my birthday week includes corn on the cob. For one dinner I planned to have 16 ears of corn, but I didn't want to have a huge pot steaming on the stove. At that dinner, some of the guests were non-family;  imagine the gasps when I opened the dishwasher to take out the corn.

Instructions for preparing corn in the dishwasher:

1. Remove husks and silk from ears of corn.

2. Place corn in dishwasher. Wash (without soap, of course!) on normal cycle and heated dry cycle.

3. Remove heated corn and if wanting to eat, it's ready to serve.

4. If preparing for freezer: remove heated corn from dishwasher and put in large pot filled with ice water to stop the cooking cycle.

5. Once corn is cooled, remove the corn and dry thoroughly.

6. I like to freeze both corn on the cob and corn removed from the cob. Package for freezer.

7. Place corn in freezer bags and place in freezer.

Enjoy now and later.

PINES?

From MONA LISA:

A group was asked to rearrange the letters to spell out an important part of the human body which is even more useful when erect.

P N E S I

People who wrote SPINE became doctors. The rest are all my crazy friends or fir aficionados.

.

BED-HEAD

Imagine my shock when I awoke and I saw that Gerald had a blue toboggan cap on his head. I know that I have the air conditioner on the FRIGID setting; thus, I assumed that his head had gotten cold and he donned the cap rather than awakening me or turning off the air conditioner.

When he awoke, I asked, "May I ask why you were wearing a toboggan cap to bed?"

He answered, "Because you and Les always make fun of my BED-HEAD; I thought this might prevent it."

Les said, "Please tell me you're not going to put this on your blog!"

I said, "But how can I resist?"

ALL THE NEWS THAT'S FIT TO PRINT

 

My subscription to the Sunday edition of The New York Times expired. I was at a store and I picked up a paper. At the cash register, the clerk rang it up but picked up the paper again and looked at it. She asked, "This really costs this much?" I said, "Yes.", but actually not knowing the price. She asked, disbelieving, "Isn't it JUST a newspaper?" I said, "But it's the BEST newspaper in the world." She looked at the paper again. She said, "I can't believe a newspaper could cost that much."

I said, "Well, they have to send it all the way from New York."

She asked, still with the disbelieving tone, "Is it THAT good?"

I said, "There's a reason that it's known as the the paper of record."

She said, "Man, it must be good!"

When I got home, Les asked how much it cost. It was then I recalled that I hadn't even looked at the price, despite all the talk between the clerk and me. I yelped, "SIX dollars; am I out of my mind?"

I hurried to the website to have it delivered once again at the much lower cost.

FLAXEN-HAIRED

Gerald hates the term "tow-head".  A friend showed me pictures of himself, his brothers, and a cousin and I said, "Oh, I didn't know you were a tow-head!" I learned that he also dislikes the term "tow-head".

I guess I'll never use the term again.  Our friend said he was also called "Cotton-Top" when he was a boy. Gerald escaped that nickname, but I know a guy who is still called that.

I have always thought the term "tow-head" was cute and affectionate, but if I were called a tow-head, I might have a different opinion.

"Tow-head" is an American term. It's derived from the process of turning flax into thread. The fibers from that process are called tow; as the fibers have a blonde, whitish appearance, terms for people with hair resembling that are called tow-heads and flaxen-haired. I've always thought "flaxen-haired" to be poetic.

I told Gerald and our friend that I would call them flaxen-haired.

TOOT

It's certainly mystifying which articles elicit comments.  I have had numerous comments after my article about the MIRACLE FRUIT.

I learned that some people recite the jingle as "the musical fruit" and "the magical fruit"  rather than "the miracle fruit". "Musical" actually makes more sense than "miracle" or "magical", considering the "tooting"! My brother said, "You need to post the OTHER verses to the song." I had never heard additional verses.

Despite my reservations, here are some other verses:

"Beans, beans, they're good for your heart,
The more you eat, the more you fart,
The more you fart, the better you feel,
So, let's eat beans with every meal."

They get worse:

"Beans, beans, they give you gas,
They make you fart and burn your ass,
The more you eat, the more it hurts,
Slow down your eating to stop the squirts."

"Beans, beans, they're good for your heart,
The more you eat, the more you fart,
The more you fart, the more you eat,
The more you sit on the toilet seat."

The legacies of homespun poets like James Whitcomb Riley and Edgar Guest are obviously not threatened by the authors of these timeless rhymes.

VEER

A young friend said that the word "veer" is used only by old people!

I used the term "Charley Horse" yesterday and my friend  thinks it is a phrase used only by oldsters. We took "oleo" out of our vocabulary several years ago because we learned it made us sound old.

Today I used the term "davenport" and my friend said she hadn't heard that term since her grandparents used to say it. I told her that the piece of furniture we were discussing was indeed a davenport and she said that it was a "couch"; I could tell she was bored when I explained the differences between sofas, couches, and davenports, but when I said "chesterfield", she held up her hand and said, "TMI"!

How can there ever be too much information? Martha Stewart would understand.

WORDS ONLY OLD PEOPLE USE:

DAVENPORT
VEER
CHARLEY HORSE
OLEO
REC ROOM
RUMPUS ROOM
FOUNDER
RECKON (as in "I RECKON")
PIKE (instead of ROUTE)

INDEPENDENCE DAY

In a letter from John Adams to Abigail Adams on July 3, 1776, he wrote how we should celebrate Independence Day: "I am apt to believe that it will be celebrated by succeeding Generations, as the great anniversary Festival. It ought to be solemnized with Pomp and Parade, with Shews, Games, Sports, Guns, Bells, Bonfires, and Illuminations from one end of this Continent to the other from this time forward forever more. You will think me transported with Enthusiasm, which I am not. I am well aware of the Toil and Blood and Treasure, that it will cost us to maintain this Declaration, and support and defend these States. Yet, through all the Gloom, I see the Rays of ravishing Light and Glory. I see that the End is more than worth the Means and that Posterity will triumph in that Day's Transaction, even altho we should rue it, which I trust in God we shall not."

CRAB MEAT

Years ago, we took my mother to a new restaurant for Mother's Day. The restaurant was in an historic Victorian house and I had heard that the food was marvelous and that we could tour the house.

The decor was lovely and there was a pianist playing Gershwin.  I was delighted. When we received our menus there were extensive selections. On the appetizer section I noticed "crabmeat cocktail" listed and it was $7.95 and the shrimp cocktail was less. I said, "Wow, I've only had shrimp cocktail before; I'm going to get the crab meat because crab is my favorite." [Although I thought "crabmeat" should be "crab meat", I was in an appreciative mood, and I did not quibble nor correct]

Gerald placed our orders and Mother said, "I can't believe we have to order a la carte!", but I said, "But, Mother, this is a NICE place!"

When our appetizers arrived, I immediately noticed that my "crabmeat" was pollock and not crab meat. I called for the waiter and I told him very quietly that I had ordered crab and not pollock. He insisted that it was crab and I said, "Please send the Manager to see me." When the Manager came, I told him that I had ordered crab and he said, "That's what you got." I said, "No, what I have is pollock." I touched it with my cocktail fork and said, "You can see that it's dyed to resemble crab."

He didn't offer to do anything; I said, "Please have the waiter bring our bill for the drinks and we'll be going." The Manager said, "You'll have to pay for the three appetizers too." I said, "Oh, no, I won't, because we haven't touched them and tomorrow I'm going to call the Better Business Bureau to report this fiasco." The Manager said, "You don't have to act like that!" My mother spoke and said, "Yes she does!"

As I was leaving, I said, "Oh, and by the way, crab meat is TWO words!"

DINING ALA DINER

Recently, the movie "Diner" was named by "Vanity Fair" magazine as "The Most Influential Film Of the Last 30 Years". (see link below)

Gerald, Les, and I love the movie. Whenever I begin talking about the "flip-side" of records or any other similar trivia, Les will say, "OK, Shrevie" which is a reference to the character Shrevie in "Diner" because of his obsession with his records and the "B" sides.

Whenever we're discussing words, I will quote the character Modell: "You know what word I'm not comfortable with? Nuance. It's not a real word like gesture. That's a real word. With gesture, you know where you stand."

When Eddie asks, "You're making out--who do you prefer--Sinatra or Mathis?" and when Boogie answers, "I prefer Presley", I just howl!

We were having dinner with friends who are also fellow movie aficionados. With my meal I ordered fries and I asked to have the fries topped with gravy. One of the friends said, "You must have seen "Diner". I laughed and said, "That's where I got the idea!"

CLICK HERE to see "Diner - named the most influential movie of the last 30 years" article.