OFF MY GAME

As all my friends and family know, I am a Queen Of Coupons. In that position, I am respectful of clerks in the stores and fellow shoppers; I pride myself on my own efficiency; I always have all of my coupon-items together; I make sure that my coupons have not expired; double-check that if it's a "buy 2" then I have two, etc. These actions are just common courtesy.

Today, in a store, I was in line behind a Coupon Witch. She was obviously much more organized than myself, with an impressive loose-leaf binder filled with coupons. I could tell the Couponer had a great deal of pride in her shopping ability. The clerk began to process the fistful of coupons and at least three were expired, several were supposed to be used to purchase two or more of the same product, and one showed on the register as the product not having been purchased. The Couponer had to dig a jar of Planter's Peanuts from the already-bagged items to have it re-checked; the size was incorrect. The Couponer said, breezily, "I'm off my game today; I'm not used to shopping on Monday and I got the kids with me."

I was enjoying the Witch being caught in her duplicity, and, uncharacteristically of me, I refrained from commenting during this episode. The clerk demonstrated considerable tact and after she had patiently finished with the customer, I said to the Couponer, "You should have watched Extreme Couponing; it showed one how to avoid these pitfalls."

The woman had the chutzpah to repeat her lame excuse by saying, "Oh, I was just off my game today." I said, "That game must be called Cheating Kroger; I would think you'd be embarrassed doing this in front of your children."

I am glad that there was a cart between us because if looks could kill, I would be a dead woman. The word she used about me rhymed with WITCH!