One of my nephews called me with a problem he was having in his manufacturing engineering class at college. I told him that I couldn't help him as I was abysmally ignorant of the area and he said that he figured I would have had that kind of issue at work. I laughed and answered, "I had engineers to figure out that stuff FOR me!" I told him that he should call his Uncle Duke. He said, "But Uncle Duke didn't go to college." I said, "Well, he's the smartest guy I know about that kind of stuff." I then told him that Uncle Duke was an autodidact and my nephew said he didn't know what that meant and I told him that it meant "self-taught". Michael, another nephew, was visiting and he overheard the conversation.
A few weeks later, in talking to my nephew, he stated, "Boy, that Uncle Duke is smart!" He had indeed called my brother with the problem and my brother was able to help solve it.
A couple of months after that, Michael and his girlfriend were visiting and Michael was telling her about the different members of the family who were expecting to play poker that evening and I heard Michael say, "Yeah, my Uncle Duke is an autodidact!" What a pleasure to hear him explain to her the meaning of "autodidact".
It's good to know they can still learn something! It reminds me of the Mark Twain story of how at the age of 16 Mark couldn't believe how DUMB his parents were, but by the time he reached 21 he couldn't believe how SMART they had become!
FOOTNOTE: Famous Autodidacts
Louisa May Alcott...................Henry Ford
Woody Allen.........................Benjamin Franklin
Hans Christian Anderson.............Robert Frost
Maya Angelou........................Bill Gates
Alexander Graham Bell...............Ernest Hemingway
Elizabeth Barrett Browning..........Steven Jobs
Truman Capote.......................George Washington
Grover Cleveland....................Abraham Lincoln
Walter Cronkite.....................Malcolm X
Charles Dickens.....................William McKinley
Walt Disney.........................James Monroe
Bob Dylan...........................Florence Nightingale
Thomas Edison.......................Edgar Allen Poe
Albert Einstein.....................John D. Rockefeller
from the Autodidactics Hall of Fame
What happened to Mercurochrome? - A report from 2004:
Dear Doc:
I had skin surgery recently and was told to apply Mercurochrome to aid in scarless healing. The product, once widely available, is sold by only one vendor in Boise, and I'm told they manufacture their own. Another pharmacist told me they were not allowed to handle or sell it. What happened to this antiseptic that I grew up with?
— D.Y., Boise, Idaho
You're dating yourself, pops. Few under age 30 have ever heard of this stuff. In 1998, the U.S. Food and Drug Administration declared that Mercurochrome, generically known as merbromin, was "not generally recognized as safe and effective" as an over-the-counter antiseptic and forbade its sale across state lines. A few traditionalists complained: Whaddya mean, not generally recognized as safe? Moms have been daubing it on their kids' owies since the Harding administration! But the more reasonable reaction was: It's about time.
For many years the FDA, faced with the task of regulating thousands of pharmaceuticals and food additives, many of which long predated federal oversight, has maintained the so-called GRAS (generally recognized etc) list, originally compiled as a way of grandfathering in products like Mercurochrome that had been around for ages and hadn't hurt or killed a noticeable number of people. Recognizing that from a scientific standpoint such a standard left a lot to be desired, the FDA has been whittling away at the unexamined products on the GRAS list over time. Mercurochrome and other drugs containing mercury came up for scrutiny as part of a general review of over-the-counter antiseptics that began in 1978, and for good reason--mercury in large enough doses is a poison that harms the brain, the kidneys, and developing fetuses. While no one's offered evidence of mass Mercurochrome poisoning, the medical literature contains scattered reports of mercury toxicity due to use of the antiseptic, and these days the burden of proof is on drug manufacturers to show that their products' benefits outweigh the risks. In the case of Mercurochrome and many other mercury-containing compounds, that had never been done.
The FDA initially proposed clipping Mercurochrome's GRAS status in 1982 and asked for comment. Hearing little, the FDA classified the antiseptic as a "new drug," meaning that anyone proposing to sell it nationwide had to submit it to the same rigorous approval process required of a drug invented last month. (This took place in 1998--nobody's going to accuse the FDA of rushing to judgment.) It's not out of the question that a pharmaceutical company will do so someday--published research on Mercurochrome, though hardly abundant, suggests the stuff is reasonably effective. However, the approval process is time-consuming and expensive and any patent protection Mercurochrome might once have had surely expired long ago. For the foreseeable future those yearning for that delicious Mercurochrome sting will have to look somewhere else.
When I was a kid, we had no air conditioning or fans in our house and our windows were always open. We had screens in some of the windows, but not all. I was sitting in an open widow and my brother gave me a little shove--I had my lips to a glass of pop I was drinking--as I fell, the glass broke and cut through my tongue.
What to do? Mother looked at it and since she couldn't put mercurochrome on it--she just stuck some gauze in my mouth--and waited for the bleeding to stop! [Do they still even have mercurochrome? That, along with Ben-Gay, camphorated oil, and Unguentine, is how we survived! No doctors or hospitals for us!]
I was on a liquid diet for several days! I felt like Tom Sawyer as I wanted to charge for people to look at the hole in my tongue!
When I was working at IH I kept losing my voice because I was trying to be heard over the noise level in the plant. After going to a series of doctors, I was referred to an otolaryngologist. The doctor had escaped during the Hungarian Revolution against USSR. As she was examining me she asked, "Are you an epileptic?" I answered that I was not. She told me that it was common for epileptics of my generation to have similar scars on their tongues. She went on to explain to me that they used to have large safety pins that they used to pin the tongue to shirt collars during seizures. OOOOOWWWWWOOOW!
I was with my doctor reviewing the results of my bloodwork. All of the results were good but when he got to the kidney function he said, "This is great--you have the kidneys of a 17-year old!"
Gerald had driven because we were going to lunch after the appointment and when I got to the car, I told him what the doctor had said about the kidneys and my husband said, "Don't you think you should give them back?"
You've all met a person like Larry--the person who has done everything you have done--only better; a person who has been everywhere you have--but with better accommodations; a person who knows everything--just ask him! Larry was annoying, insufferable, and totally clueless that people could not tolerate him. He was called "Senor Avion" (Mister Airplane) behind his back because he acted as if nobody knew how to build airplanes as well as he did. He was constantly bragging about his years with other aircraft companies and letting everyone else know that he was far superior to them. He constantly put down others in an attempt to show his brilliance. One time he asked me why I hadn't nominated him as "Employee Of The Month" because he knew he'd done a far better job than the winners that I had nominated. He even told me that he would write it for me! I said, "Oh, Larry, I've seen samples of your writing and I couldn't possibly use those!"
The guys who worked for him were constantly setting him up for ridicule. Larry always had to join in with the others even though they didn't want him around!
It was near the end of the Contract, and of course, everybody was worried about where they would go to work, but Larry kept telling everyone that he was already receiving offers and that he would have no problems because Boeing, McDonnell-Douglas et.al., all wanted him!
One day, the guys were in a group and they saw Larry approaching and they knew Larry would want to be a part of whatever conversation they were having. They began talking about having sex with farm animals. One guy bragged about which animals he had violated, and poor Larry, not realizing that he was being set up, took the bait and started telling what he had done! The guys all started laughing. From then on, whenever one of those guys would see him, they would make sheep sounds!
One of the guys came to me and said, "We're taking up a collection and we'll give all the money in the pot to you if you will JUST go up to Larry and say "LAAAAARRRRY" (and he made a baa-ing sound!). I said, "There's no way I could do that." The guy pleaded, "Oh please, Sue, you know you're as tired of him as we are!" Every few days, one of the guys would come up to me and tell me how much money was in the pot and they would tell me they would donate the money for a big party or to my favorite charity if I would JUST do it.
One morning near the end of the Contract, at the beginning of the shift, Larry came to me, (and since he loved an audience, he made certain there were a number of guys around) as he announced to me that he was giving his notice because he had landed a job with "Douglas". Larry couldn't help himself; as he continued, he JUST had to tell me that he felt sorry for ME because, unlike HIM, it would be so hard for me to get a job like mine with another company. I just smiled, put out my hand to shake hands, and as he took my hand, I BLEATED, "Good luck, LAAAAARRRRY." The other guys heard it and erupted in raucous laughter. Larry said, "I'm going to report you to Human Resources!" I said, "Go ahead, LAAAARRRRY, and I'll tell them that I grew up on a farm!"
I admit that was totally unprofessional of me but so much fun!
A mushroom walks into a bar and hops onto a bar stool. The bartender gives him one look and tells the mushroom, "Get outta here, you're dirty and filthy and we don't allow your kind in here!"
The mushroom answered, "But I'm a FUN GUY!"
SENT TO ME BY A FRIEND
This is something that happened to us on the way back from vacation last week. At first I didn't think much of it until now. The reason we were a little suspicious is we had been riding in a Jeep all day with 100 degree temperature and we stopped at a truck stop for something to drink. When I was leaving, a young girl followed me out and asked what kind of cologne I was wearing. Well, after seven hours in the car sweating, I don't think you could tell if I was or was not wearing any cologne. About 3 weeks ago, I was at a service station in Birmingham getting gas. It was about 9:30 pm. I was approached by two men and two women in a car. The man who was driving asked me, "What kind of perfume do you wear?" I was a bit confused and I asked him "Why?" He said, "We are selling some name brand perfumes, at cheap prices." I said I had no money.
He then reached out of the car and handed me paper that was laminated; it had many perfumes on it. I looked quickly at it and gave it back. I said, "I have no money." He said it is OK, we take check, cash, or credit cards. Then the other people in the car began to laugh. I just got in my car and left.
I received this email yesterday and it sent chills up my spine. Please read this. Here is the email I was sent:
Dear Friends: I know not all of you are women that I am sending this to, but I am hoping you will share this with your wives, daughters, mothers, sisters, etc. Our world seems to be getting crazier by the day; pipe bombs in mail boxes and psychos in parking lots with perfume. Be careful. I was approached yesterday afternoon around 5:30 PM in the WalMart parking lot by two males asking what kind of perfume I was wearing. Then they asked if I'd like to sample some fabulous scent they were willing to sell me at very reasonable rate. I probably would have agreed had I not received an email warning of a "Wanna smell this neat perfume?" scam. I told them "No thanks!"
The men continued to stand between parked cars; I guess to wait for someone else to hit on. I stopped a lady going towards them, pointing at them and told her about how I was sent an email at work about someone walking up to you at the malls or in parking lots and asking you to SNIFF PERFUME that they are selling at a cheap price or at least compare to which one you like best.
THIS IS NOT PERFUME; IT IS ETHER!
When you sniff it, you'll pass out. They'll take your wallet, your valuables and heaven knows what else. If it were not for this email, I probably would have sniffed the "perfume" but thanks to the generosity of an emailing friend, I was spared whatever might have happened to me. I wanted to do the same for you.
If you hear a noise outside your home or someone trying to get into your house, just press the panic button for your car. The alarm will be set off, and the horn will continue to sound until either you turn it off or the car battery dies.
The next time you come home for the night and you start to put your keys away, think of this: it's a security alarm system that you probably already have and requires no installation. Test it. It will go off from almost everywhere inside your house and will keep honking until your battery runs down or until you reset it with the button on the key fob chain. It works if you park in your driveway or garage. If your car alarm goes off when someone is trying to break into your house, odds are the burglar or rapist won't stick around and after a few seconds all the neighbors will be looking out their windows to see who is out there and sure enough the criminal won't want that. Remember to carry your keys while walking to your car in a parking lot. The alarm can work the same way there.
This is something that should really be shared with everyone. Maybe it could save a life or a sexual abuse crime.
This would also be useful for any emergency, such as a heart attack, where you can't reach a phone.
Everbody should carry their car keys with them in case they fall outside and they wouldn't be able to call for help. People could hear the car alarm and would probably investigate.
In 1968, my purse was stolen from my locker at work. At that time I had ONE credit card, driver's license, SS card and $42.00 in my purse! Fortunately, the theft occured on Saturday and the store with the credit card wasn't open on Sunday! It was time-consuming to replace the SS card and driver's license. Amazingly, weeks later, the purse reappeared in my locker--minus the $42.00!
Since that time, I have been very careful. I never carry my purse into stores or restaurants; I always pay with debit or credit cards in stores and restaurants. I carry the cards in what my husband calls "the safe"--my bra! I only carry my purse to weddings, funerals, etc., where I need something to hold my keys and personal items.
If one is going to carry credit cards, etc. in a purse, here are some guidelines:
Always have credit cards, driver's license and medical cards in separate holders. If using a wallet, never have a wallet/checkbook combination, as thieves usually go for the wallet if they are in a hurry. My niece carries her credit cards in a compact, as she thinks thieves won't go for makeup! Keep a list of YOUR credit card numbers and 800 numbers to call, driver's license and medical card copies AT HOME in a safe place! NEVER carry your Social Security card or birth certificate in your purse. Do not hang your purse on the back of a chair in a restaurant; always keep it between your feet on the floor.
Recently, I was at Kroger and a woman ahead of me had her open purse in the cart. She left the cart and bent over to pick up something from a bottom shelf; when she arose, I told her that she shouldn't leave her purse unattended. She told me it wasn't any of my business and walked off in a huff!
Sometimes "a word to the wise is sufficient" doesn't apply!
After repeating our wedding vows, we were on our way home, and we were stopped at a railroad track and the train did not move for half an hour. Behind us was an old green station wagon filled with a bunch of kids. The kids were waving and pointing at the "Just Marrieds". It was June and we had no air conditioning in the car! After what seemed like an hour, we got out of the car. My new husband and my brother and his wife were all busy holding up the train of my dress. When I got out of the car the kids jumped out of the station wagon and they surrounded me; of course I had to model my gown!
The mother of the kids emerged from the car and she was wearing a pair of faded, cut-off jean shorts and a raggedy paint-splotched tee-shirt. She did a pirouette, posed like a model, with one hand behind her head and the other at her waist, and she said, "You look good today, Honey, but this is what you'll look like after four kids"
One of my guys at work told me about a psychic named "Black Raven" and how unbelievably accurate he was. I thought it would be fun to have the experience of visiting a psychic. My husband greatly disapproves of fortune-telling, but agreed to go with me because he thought that Black Raven lived in a bad section of town. I made an appointment and went into a darkened room with walls covered with Native American paraphernalia. Black Raven went into a trance and proceeded to tell me about my past lives. In one of my past lives, according to Black Raven, I was a Mohawk warrior and that I had taken many scalps in battle. In another life I was a Navajo woman who traded goods with other tribes. After he came out of the trance, Black Raven asked, "Have you never wondered why you've had such a passion about Native Americans?" I asked how he knew that and he asked, "Didn't you get in trouble at school?" I was amazed by that and by all of the other items he told me.
When I was in the fifth grade, Mrs. Mossbarger told us that Custer was a hero. I raised my hand and said that Sitting Bull was THE hero, because he was defending his land. She took me upstairs to Mr. Biddle's office to call my mother. I heard her tell Mr. Biddle that I was "impudent" and should be "expelled" (I didn't know what either meant until I went home!). Mother later told me her side of the conversation as I had only heard his side. My mother told Mr. Biddle that I was right. Mr. Biddle told her that I should apologize to Mrs. Mossbarger. My mother told him that she reared her children NOT to apologize because she believed that they wouldn't say things they didn't believe, and that I had a right to my own opinion. When Mr. Biddle hung up from my mother, he told me to return to the classroom and that he needed to talk to Mrs. Mossbarger.
When I went home, I felt quite triumphant! As soon as I went in the house, my mother said, "What is wrong with you; what do you know from Indians?" I was stunned and I said, "But you told them I was right!" She replied, "Of course I'd tell THEM that you're right!" When I told my mother about the "impudent" and "expelled" words being used, she was furious. She called Mr. Biddle at home and told him that she thought the teacher was "unprofessional" to say those things in front of a child! I felt triumphant again! Gloating, I said, "You told him that I was right!" Mother turned to me and lambasted me once again about not behaving myself and causing trouble.
But one thing I knew for sure was her unconditional love and that it was us against the world!
BY MAYA ANGELOU
A hater is someone who is jealous and envious and spends all their time trying to make you look small so they can look tall. They are very negative people to say the least. Nothing is ever good enough!
When you make your mark, you will always attract some haters.
That's why you have to be careful with whom you share your
blessings and your dreams, because some folk can't handle seeing
you blessed.
It's dangerous to be like somebody else. If God wanted you to be
like somebody else, He would have given you what He gave them! Right?
You never know what people have gone through to get what they
have.
The problem I have with haters is that they see my glory, but they
don't know my story.
If the grass looks greener on the other side of the fence, you can rest assured that the water bill is higher there too!
We've all got some haters among us!
Some people envy you because you can:
a) Have a relationship with God
b) Light up a room when you walk in
c) Start your own business
d) Tell a man/woman to hit the curb
(if he/she isn't about the right thing)
e) Raise your children without both parents being
in the home
Haters can't stand to see you happy.
Haters will never want to see you succeed.
Most of our haters are people who are supposed to be
on our side.
How do you handle your undercover haters?
You can handle these haters by:
1. Knowing who you are & who your true friends are (VERY IMPORTANT!!)
2. Having a purpose to your life: purpose does not mean having a job. You can have a job and still be unfulfilled.
A purpose is having a clear sense of what God has called you to be. Your purpose is not defined by what others think about you.
3. By remembering what you have is by divine prerogative and not human manipulation.
Fulfill your dreams! You only have one life to live; when it's your time to leave this earth, you want to be able to say, "I've lived my life and fulfilled my dreams; now I'm ready to go HOME! "
When God gives you favor, you can tell your haters, "Don't look at me; look at Who is in charge of me."
By Robert P. Watson, Ph.D. Coordinator of American Studies Lynn University
I am always being asked to grade Obama's presidency. In place of offering him a grade, I put together a list of his accomplishments thus far. I think you would agree that it is very impressive. His first six months have been even more active than FDR's or LBJ's, the two standards for such assessments. Yet, there is little media attention given to much of what he has done. Of late, the media is focusing almost exclusively on Obama's critics, without holding them responsible for the uncivil, unconstructive tone of their disagreements or without holding the previous administration responsible for getting us in such a deep hole. The misinformation and venom that now passes for political reporting and civic debate is beyond description.
As such, there is a need to set the record straight. What most impresses me is the fact that Obama has accomplished so much not from a heavy-handed or top-down approach but from a style that has institutionalized efforts to reach across the aisle, encourage vigorous debate, and utilize town halls and panels of experts in the policy-making process. Beyond the accomplishments, the process is good for democracy and our democratic processes have been battered and bruised in recent years.
1. Ordered all federal agencies to undertake a study and make recommendations for ways to cut spending.
2. Ordered a review of all federal operations to identify and cut wasteful spending and practices.
3. Instituted enforcement for equal pay for women.
4. Beginning the withdrawal of US troops from Iraq.
5. Families of fallen soldiers have expenses covered to be on hand when the body arrives at Dover AFB.
6. Ended media blackout on war casualties; reporting full information.
7. Ended media blackout on covering the return of fallen soldiers to Dover AFB; the media is now permitted to do so pending adherence to respectful rules and approval of fallen soldiers' families.
8. The White House and federal government are respecting the Freedom of Information Act.
9. Instructed all federal agencies to promote openness and transparency as much as possible.
10. Limits on lobbyists' access to the White House.
11. Limits on White House aides working for lobbyists after their tenure in the Administration.
12. Ended the previous stop-loss policy that kept soldiers in Iraq/Afghanistan longer than their enlistment date.
13. Phasing out the expensive F-22 war plane and other outdated weapons systems, which weren't even used or needed in Iraq/Afghanistan.
14. Removed restrictions on embryonic stem-cell research.
15. Federal support for stem-cell and new biomedical research.
16. New federal funding for science and research labs.
17. States are permitted to enact federal fuel efficiency standards above federal standards.
18. Increased infrastructure spending (roads, bridges, power plants) after years of neglect.
19. Funds for high-speed, broadband Internet access to K-12 schools.
20. New funds for school construction.
21. The prison at Guantanamo Bay is being phased out.
22. US Auto industry rescue plan.
23. Housing rescue plan.
24. $789 billion economic stimulus plan.
25. The public can meet with federal housing insurers to refinance (the new plan can be completed in one day) a mortgage if they are having trouble paying.
26. US financial and banking rescue plan.
27. The secret detention facilities in Eastern Europe and elsewhere are being closed.
28. Ended the previous policy; the US now has a no torture policy and is in compliance with the Geneva Convention standards.
29. Better body armor is now being provided to our troops.
30. The missile defense program is being cut by $1.4 billion in 2010.
31. Restarted the nuclear nonproliferation talks and building back up the nuclear inspection infrastructure/protocols.
32. Reengaged in the treaties/agreements to protect the Antarctic.
33. Reengaged in the agreements/talks on global warming and greenhouse gas emissions.
34. Visited more countries and met with more world leaders than any president in his first six months in office.
35. Successful release of US captain held by Somali pirates; authorized the SEALS to do their job.
36. US Navy increasing patrols off Somali coast.
37. Attractive tax write-offs for those who buy hybrid automobiles.
38. Cash for clunkers program offers vouchers to trade in fuel inefficient, polluting, old cars for new cars; stimulated auto sales.
39. Announced plans to purchase fuel efficient American-made fleet for the federal government.
40. Expanded the SCHIP program to cover health care for 4 million more children.
41. Signed national service legislation; expanded national youth service program.
42. Instituted a new policy on Cuba , allowing Cuban families to return home to visit loved ones.
43. Ended the previous policy of not regulating and labeling carbon dioxide emissions.
44. Expanding vaccination programs.
45. Immediate and efficient response to the floods in North Dakota and other natural disasters.
46. Closed offshore tax safe havens.
47. Negotiated deal with Swiss banks to permit US government to gain access to records of tax evaders and criminals.
48. Ended the previous policy of offering tax benefits to corporations who outsource American jobs; the new policy is to promote in-sourcing to bring jobs back.
49. Ended the previous practice of protecting credit card companies; in place of it are new consumer protections from credit card industry's predatory practices.
50. Energy producing plants must begin preparing to produce 15% of their energy from renewable sources.
51. Lower drug costs for seniors.
52. Ended the previous practice of forbidding Medicare from negotiating with drug manufacturers for cheaper drugs; the federal government is now realizing hundreds of millions in savings.
53. Increasing pay and benefits for military personnel.
54. Improved housing for military personnel.
55. Initiating a new policy to promote federal hiring of military spouses.
56. Improved conditions at Walter Reed Military Hospital and other military hospitals.
57. Increasing student loans.
58. Increasing opportunities in AmeriCorps program.
59. Sent envoys to Middle East and other parts of the world that had been neglected for years; reengaging in multilateral and bilateral talks and diplomacy.
60. Established a new cyber security office.
61. Beginning the process of reforming and restructuring the military 20 years after the Cold War to a more modern fighting force; this includes new procurement policies, increasing size of military, new technology and cyber units and operations, etc.
62. Ended previous policy of awarding no-bid defense contracts.
63. Ordered a review of hurricane and natural disaster preparedness.
64. Established a National Performance Officer charged with saving the federal government money and making federal operations more efficient.
65. Students struggling to make college loan payments can have their loans refinanced.
66. Improving benefits for veterans.
67. Many more press conferences and town halls and much more media access than previous administration.
68. Instituted a new focus on mortgage fraud.
69. The FDA is now regulating tobacco.
70. Ended previous policy of cutting the FDA and circumventing FDA rules.
71. Ended previous practice of having White House aides rewrite scientific and environmental rules, regulations, and reports.
72. Authorized discussions with North Korea and private mission by Pres. Bill Clinton to secure the release of two Americans held in prisons.
73. Authorized discussions with Myanmar and mission by Sen. Jim Web to secure the release of an American held captive.
74. Making more loans available to small businesses.
75. Established independent commission to make recommendations on slowing the costs of Medicare.
76. Appointment of first Latina to the Supreme Court.
77. Authorized construction/opening of additional health centers to care for veterans.
78. Limited salaries of senior White House aides; cut to $100,000.
79. Renewed loan guarantees for Israel.
80. Changed the failing/status quo military command in Afghanistan.
81. Deployed additional troops to Afghanistan.
82. New Afghan War policy that limits aerial bombing and prioritizes aid, development of infrastructure, diplomacy, and good government practices by Afghans.
83. Announced the long-term development of a national energy grid with renewable sources and cleaner, efficient energy production.
84. Returned money authorized for refurbishment of White House offices and private living quarters.
85. Paid for redecoration of White House living quarters out of his own pocket.
86. Held first Seder in White House.
87. Has put the ball in play for comprehensive immigration reform.
88. Has announced his intention to push for energy reform.
89. Has announced his intention to push for education reform.
90. Signed into law The Patient Protection And Affordable Care Act (HR3590)--the Health Care Reform Bill--which has been a dream since Harry Truman proposed it!
OH, AND HE BUILT A SWING SET FOR HIS GIRLS OUTSIDE THE OVAL OFFICE!
Arlie Howard and I worked together and he was from Kentucky. He told the story of when he went into the service, the drill instructor asked his name and he said, "Arlie Hard, Sir!"
The DI asked,, "How do spell that?" Arlie said,
"H-O-W-A-R-D, Sir!" The DI asked where he was from and Arlie said, "Kentucky, Sir." The DI asked, "Every place else in the world that name would be pronounced as H-O-W-A-R-D but you learned how to talk and spell in Kentucky?" Arlie answered, "Yes, Sir!" The DI asked, "How do you pronounce it again?" Arlie answered, "Arlie Hard, Sir!"
The DI told him he was going to have to keep saying his name over and over until he could learn to pronounce it as HOWARD!
I was at WalMart and I saw a guy with a 24-pack of Coke and I had seen the price of $5.99 for it. As I gestured toward the Coke products in my cart, I said, "You know Kroger has the 12-packs at 4 for $10.00 and WalMart honors competitors' prices."
He said, "Yeah, but I want a 24-pack!"
DUH!
Being the "Queen Of Coupons", I am always generous with other people with my coupons. When I'm in the store and I notice an item in someone's cart (OK, I'm also NOSY!), I will usually offer the person a coupon if I would not be using the coupon that day. One day, I offered a woman SEVERAL coupons and she looked at me as if I were crazy and said, "Oh, I don't like to be bothered with those." I said, "Well, if you did, it would have saved you $2.50!" She said, "I'll take them." I answered, "No, I'm going to BOTHER someone else with them!"
When I was working, I always had a "Coupon Club" and I would set it up in the cafeteria and people were supposed to bring in coupons to trade. I would look in the box each Monday as I would bring in all of my extra coupons. Most people were good about cutting the coupons prior to putting them in the box and trading, but one person would rip out (not CUT) the coupons she wanted and then just toss the remainder of the newspaper in the box!
After I retired, I advertised on Freecycle to give away coupons and I could not believe the response! One woman who answered lived in another state and wanted me to mail the coupons to her, and then she would send me the money for postage after she received them! No, I didn't send them to her! A woman who lives right across the street from me has a friend who also answered the ad so they now share the bounty!
After my life-altering accident in 1995, my days centered around getting up from the hospital bed in our library, Gerald giving me a shower, helping me to get dressed, lying in the back of the car as he drove me to Marysville, helping me out of the car onto my crutches and walking me into the building, and then he went to work in Springfield. He spent an extra 100 miles each day taking me to work! At work, the only thing I could do was either stand or lie down so I spent my days walking on the crutches with a can of Coca Cola permanently attached to my right hand. At nine a.m., I would go to the restroom and lie down for 15 minutes. At lunchtime, I would lie down for 30 minutes and at 2:00 p.m., I would lie down for 15 minutes and at 4:00 p.m. for another 15 minute break. Gerald had to wait for me to finish work at 6:00 p.m.; as soon as I was in the car, I had another Coca Cola and a Vicodin, then back home where Gerald helped me undress and he and Les helped me to the hospital bed and I had supper in bed. Fortunately, we worked four 10-hour days so Friday, Saturday and Sunday were a blessing.
The morning of my accident was on Thursday and my first phone call was to my boss requesting a vacation day. I told him that I'd had a "little accident" and that I would be back on Monday. At that time I didn't actually know the extent of my injuries. He had our secretary Patty call the hospital and she learned that my accident wasn't "little". Patty called me the next day and told me that the "vultures are lined up scheming to take your job".
To this day, I don't know how I was able to return to work the following Monday, but I did. I was so damned mad about those guys scheming that I was determined to get out of that bed and go to work even with the fractured vertebrae, broken nose, facial lacerations, edema in my thighs where my knees hit the steering wheel, ear nearly severed, and on crutches. I had never missed a day of work in my life and I wasn't about to start then.
Gerald told me that he wouldn't take me to work because it was "stupid" and that NOBODY else would go to work in that condition. I told him I would drive myself. He was crying and I was crying, but I was determined to go to work and he agreed to take me, because he knew that I was going to work regardless of my condition!
I told Patty that it was worth it just to see the looks on "the vultures" faces when I walked onto that manufacturing floor and started the line. My boss, John allowed me to start the line and then told me to go to his office. He said, "Sit down." I told him that I couldn't sit because of the compression fractures. He said, "You know that you don't need to do this and that you should be at home." I told him that I HAD to be there and that if I were at home I would just lie there feeling sorry for myself. I told him that Patty had told me about the vultures. He laughed and said, "The reason I brought you here in the beginning is because they couldn't do the damned job." He told me that two of the "vultures" had actually had the nerve to approach him OFFERING to take my job while I was recovering and he told them that HE would take my place! I asked him what they said, and John said, "Nothing; they just slunk away like the weasels they are." John laughed and said, "I was looking forward to seeing if I could do your job." Although it hurt to laugh, I laughed and told him that the only reason I came in was that I felt sorry for him.
So what did I learn from all of this? Was I appreciated any more than anybody else? Of course not. Did I think nobody else could do the job? Of course not. I'd learned in 1982 that no one is irreplaceable; there's always somebody else to fill one's job [especially if ONE is the brother-in-law of a Superintendent!] but I felt certain that nobody would do it as well! My Team Members put forth a tremendous effort and never missed production. SHOULD I have done it? Of course not. I should have stayed at home, gone to therapy daily, had plastic surgery and recovered at a reasonable pace. I gained 40 pounds because of the lack of activity and drinking twelve Cokes a day and my back still hurts today.
When it was announced that our parent company had decided to "pull the plug" on the Marysville operation, my boss called me to his office and told me that I had to be the one to shut it down. He had tears in his eyes as he asked me to sign a contract agreeing that I would not seek other employment until work was completed. In return for this sad duty the Company would give me six months severance. I told him that I did not want to be the one to shut it down and he said that he had nobody else who had the balls and could hold up under the pressure and that it had to be accomplished by May 18. I accepted the responsibility. We completed the work on May 15.
As my brother told me, "There's a fine line between dedication and stupidity and I think you just crossed over the line!"
SUBMITTED BY LEE RENO
Harry Truman probably made as many important decisions regarding our nation's history as any of the other 42 Presidents. However, a measure of his greatness may rest on what he did after he left the White House.
Historians have written the only asset he had when he died was the house he lived in, which was in Independence, Missouri. On top of that, his wife inherited the house from her mother. When he retired from office in 1952, his income was a U.S. Army pension reported to have been $13,507.72 a year. Congress, noting that he was paying for his stamps and personally licking them, granted him an "allowance" and, later, a retroactive pension of $25,000 per year. After President Eisenhower was inaugurated, Harry and Bess drove home to Missouri by themselves. There were no Secret Service following them. When offered corporate positions at large salaries, he declined, stating, "You don't want me; you want the Office of the President, and that doesn't belong to me. It belongs to the American people and it's not for sale."
Even later, on May 6, 1971, when Congress was preparing to award him the Medal of Honor on his 87th birthday, he refused to accept it, writing, "I don't consider that I have done anything which should be the reason for any award, Congressional or otherwise." Modern politicians have found a new level of success in cashing in on the Presidency, resulting in untold wealth. Today, many in Congress also have found a way to become quite wealthy while enjoying the fruits of their offices.
Good old Harry Truman was correct when he observed, "My choices early in life were either to be a piano player in a whorehouse or a politician -- and to tell the truth, there's hardly any difference!"
Kohler model $494 newWhen I was a teenager, my best friend and I went to visit her boyfriend's home, and after I used the bathroom, I asked, "What's that thing in the bathroom?" She answered, as if she were suddenly cosmopolitan, "Oh, that's a bidet--his mother is French--everyone on the Continent has them." I said, mocking her condescension, "Well, we're not on the Continent!"
When I told my cousin's wife about the bidet, she just had to see one. We went to Associated Plumbers and, trying to act the sophisticate, she said, "We'd like to see your finest bidet." The clerk didn't know what it was and went to get the owner. The owner told us that they didn't carry bidets, but he showed us a picture in a catalog and said that he'd be glad to order one for her. When she saw the price, I could see her trying to squirm out of the situation, and she said, in her most hoity-toity voice, "Oh, that's not exactly the one I want." In the car we squealed with laughter at our lack of sophistication. When we got home we did a self-deprecating routine we called "Daisy Mae Goes To Buy A Bidet." After that, she and I would say to each other, "When we get rich, we'll have a bidet!"
I have a website dedicated to my hobby of selling Italian Charms. When it started, I had 1,950 charms to share. Now hundreds more have been added since new charms have been made available.
I love having charm parties for friends and customers. On my website, the Contact page is the place to order charms, bracelets, and other items, or schedule a home party. Feel free to ask questions on the contact page and I will answer your emails.
Visit my website by entering www.charmsandmore.weebly.com in your address bar, or click on the link you'll find on the right side of this page.
Happy shopping and I'm sure you'll find many charms you'll love to have on your new bracelet or keychain.
My brothers and I never told on each other; if something happened at school, none of us would tell on each other. Besides, my mother had no respect for "tattle-tales"!
My brother Les was born when I was nine years old; my brother Duke was five, Norman was 11, and Neil was 12. My father had bought a box of "It's A Boy!" cigars and they were in his car (a 1937 Chevy we nicknamed "The Doodle Bug") and he planned to hand them out at work. Also in the car was a bottle of his drink of choice, Seagram's Seven. The boys had built a "fort" back in the woods, and as a girl I was not allowed to participate (just like Darla in "Our Gang" and Margaret in "Dennis The Menace"!) in the goings-on at the fort. The boys swiped the cigars and whiskey from the car and took them back to the fort!
The boys were supposed to be carrying water. Mother told me to find the boys and tell them that supper was ready. It was late August and the heat was sweltering. I took off for the woods and when I got there all three of the boys were lying on the ground, "green around the gills" and the smell of vomit was overwhelming. They had smoked the cigars and the whiskey bottle was empty! Poor little Duke was passed out. The boys started saying NOT to tell Mom! I told them I WAS going to tell her because they wouldn't let me be a part of the fort! They told me that I could join the fort IF I didn't tell.
When I returned to the house, I told my mother I could not find them. They didn't come home until after dark and they shied away from Mother and went to bed very early.
Mother never knew about it, although of course "The Old Man" knew that the cigars and whiskey were missing, but he must not have mentioned it to Mother because he would have had to explain the whiskey.
Now, flash forward 30+ years later on Thanksgiving. We were all sitting around after dinner reminiscing and I started my usual whining of how I never got to do all the things the boys did ("skinny dipping", the "fort", smoking corncob pipes, etc.). One of my brothers let out a whiny "WAAAANNNNHH" and I said, "Just like when Les was born and you boys stole the cigars and whiskey and went back to the fort and got drunk." My mother let out a shriek, "WHAT--I never knew about THAT!" My brother Norman said, "AH, YOU NEVER COULD KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT!" [after 30+ years!]
My sister-in-law Carol is Korean. At a family gathering, Carol said that she didn't understand why all of my mother's houseplants did so well and all of hers died. I told her that my
mother had a "green thumb" but she had a "yellow thumb".
Everybody laughed. Humor is sometimes not easily translatable from one culture to another. Carol asked me to explain and I told her that in the United States if someone were good at raising plants then we said that they had a "green thumb". Carol looked at her thumb and said, "Oh, I get it--mine don't grow--I have a yellow thumb--oh, it's funny--I laugh!"
These flowers deserve a WATERFORD vase! When my precocious great-nephew was about ten years old, he was at Elder-Beerman with my niece and as she was looking at dishes, he was looking at the Waterford collection, but she was listening to the following exchange: when he asked the clerk to see a particular piece of Waterford the clerk told him that he was too young to handle the piece. He told her that his Aunt Sue always let him handle her Waterford because his eyes were good and he could see the hallmarks.
He told the clerk that HE was thinking about getting the vase for his aunt! She asked, in astonishment, "YOU are going to buy it?" He then asked the clerk the question which has become a family saying:
"Do you know the difference between a VAHSE and a VAYSE?" The clerk was too stunned to answer as he gave the punch line:
"TWENTY-FIVE DOLLARS!"
Gerald doesn't understand why I want "fresh flowers". He says, "They just die; why don't you have a plant instead?" He will PLANT anything in the yard but he thinks I should leave everything growing outside instead of cutting them for bouquets. He also doesn't understand why I want annuals as well as perennials in the yard! In our whole life together (1968 to today), he has never given me cut flowers!
I understand pregnant women having "cravings" because I have cravings for flowers, especially in the winter.
I want fresh flowers in the house (I am very much aware that this is "Shanty-Irish" trying to be "Lace Curtain Irish"!). I even want Gerald to plant flowers that color-coordinate with the decor! On Easter I had daffodils in a Fiesta Ware pitcher on the kitchen table; pink, white, and blue hyacinths in the family room; grape hyacinths in the bathroom; paper white narcissus in the laundry room; forsythia in the library--all from the yard--Kroger had roses for $5.99 a dozen; I have yellow roses in the living room and Sonia roses in the dining room. After completing my arrangements, I insist that Gerald and Les walk through the house, however unwillingly, to tell me which arrangement looks the best. On Easter, before I could EVEN ask, Les said, "The one in the family room." I shrieked, "You haven't even looked at those yet!" He whined, "Do I hafta?" Usually, after dinners, my friend Lori goes through the house and chooses which floral arrangement looks the best as I obviously cannot trust the opinions of my husband and brother!
One time, our great-nephew Ziggy brought me ten dozen roses. How blissful! My friend Patty sent me sixty roses on my 60th birthday! One time at work, the receptionist called and told me I had flowers in the lobby. It was my birthday and I raced there to find that my brother and sister-in-law had sent me flowers.
No amount of my trying to make Gerald feel guilty has prompted him to buy cut flowers but I always thought, "If I were in the hospital, he'd bring me flowers."
The day of my accident, I looked up as he walked in carrying TWO ROSE BUSHES! It really hurt to laugh and I couldn't shake my head in wonder. I asked, "Where the Hell did you get rose bushes in January?"
Whenever Les and I are cooking together, I am a stickler for following the recipe, but he'll throw a dash of something in that's not included in the recipe and he'll say, "It's a recipe--not a law!"
Some amusing anecdotes of why I think it should be a "law":
1. My friend Jenny does not cook and she was telling me that she loved Key Lime Pie. I told her it was easy to make and gave her my recipe. She looked at it and said, "Whenever it says to separate eggs I know it's not easy!"
2. My husband's nephew's wife did not cook and he loves my homemade vegetable soup and I invited them to dinner when I fixed it. The nephew asked, "Aunt Sue, will you tell her how to make vegetable soup?" I proceeded to tell her to get a cheap cut of roast and "boil the Hell out of it" for broth. She asked, "Exactly how much time does boiling the hell out of it take?"
3. A friend wanted my recipe for Lemon Meringue Pie and when I e-mailed it, I wrote to use the "zest" of the lemon and she thought I meant to write the "rest" of the lemon; unfortunately, as you can imagine, her pie was not successful.
4. My friend Bobbi's daughter not only roasted a turkey with the giblet package inside--which I have heard of others' doing--but she also fixed a pot roast with the blood package still attached to the bottom and she wondered why her family got sick!
5. The first time I made gravy I put in too much flour and I ended up emptying the gravy from the skillet to a pot and then to another pot as I kept adding milk; I used an entire gallon of milk!
6. When my friend's Bobbi's daughter was 10, she was visiting with me and she stayed for dinner. When she went home her mother asked what we'd had for dinner and she said that everything was good but that I had NUTS on my noodles. Bobbi told her that couldn't be true because she had eaten my noodles before, but when Bobbi asked me I said, "I had Noodles Almondine!"
7. During the Blizzard, we ran out of fresh meat, but we had canned meat like Spam and corned beef. My mother made chili using the corned beef and we all thought it was delicious! For all the years afterward, we would talk about the corned beef chili and how great it was. Finally about thirty years later, we were surprised to have a big pot of corned beef chili and it was just plain AWFUL!
8. My sister-in-law was known for her wonderful home-made bread. One time, feeling like Lady Bountiful, she sent a loaf home with one of her son's friends. The next time she saw the boy she asked how the family liked the bread and he answered, "It was almost as good as Pennington's!"
9. I was talking to my former sister-in-law who was from Texas and she was mentioning what a terrific cook my mother was except for that "sweet stuffing" she made. I protested that my mother never made "sweet stuffing" and she answered that she always served it after dinner. It was then I realized that she had confused BREAD PUDDING with stuffing!
10. As a young married, I saw salt fish on sale at Kroger. As we both love fish, I bought a package and it looked like a nice white fish. What I didn't know was that the fish is supposed to be SOAKED overnight to take out the salt! It was inedible!
"STARRY NIGHT"
We have gone to many art museums over the years, and when the Van Gogh exhibition was scheduled to be in Columbus, we were very excited to go.
At the museum, we were packed very tightly together and I could understand people wanting to take their time to view the pictures, because that's exactly what I wanted to do also, but it was very frustrating to have only a few seconds to enjoy the paintings.
We saw "The Potato Eaters" and other less-famous paintings and then, finally we were in front of "Starry Night" and a woman that I had been shoulder-to-shoulder with for an hour put her young son in front of us and the little boy said, "Boy, he must've been crazy when he painted that!"
I said, "Your son has a distinguished career ahead of him as an art critic!"
"DR. POZZI AT HOME"
When the Armand Hammer Collection was scheduled to be exhibited in Cincinnati, I especially wanted to attend because of the paintings of my favorite artist, Corot, but I was awestruck by a John Singer Sargent painting, "Dr. Pozzi At Home". I had never been a Sargent devotee, but I kept returning to the painting time and time again. I had noticed an older man sitting in a wing chair off to the side. At that time, I was 37 and he was at least old enough to be my father. After about the fifth time of viewing the painting, the man arose from his chair and spoke to me, "I see you're a Sargent fan." I answered, "Well, I wasn't before today." We discussed Sargent's work and then he asked my favorite in the exhibition and I said, "Jean Baptiste Camille Corot." He said, "You even know his entire name." I said, "I've loved him since I was a girl." He said, "That couldn't have been too long ago." I laughed at the old man's obvious flirtation.
Then he asked, "What kind of work do you do?" I said, "I build trucks." If I had slapped him in the face I don't think he would have looked as shocked as he did. He said, "I meant what kind of art medium!" I laughed and said, "No, I'm not an artist." He said, "But you are so knowledgeable!" I said, "I'm just an appreciator; artists need appreciators!" He told me that he was an artist and mainly worked in watercolors. He and I discussed other artists in the exhibition such as Boudin, Sisley, Morisot, and Bonnard, and then he said, "You could come to my studio if you like." I asked, "When?" and he said, "How about after the exhibition today?" I said, "I'll have to ask my husband; he's over there fascinated by the da Vinci items." The old rascal answered, "Oh, your husband--your husband's with you--I didn't mean for your husband to come." I squealed, "Oh,
no--this is like in the movies--if you have ETCHINGS, I'm going to die!"
That was the first time I'd ever been propositioned in my life and he moved away as quickly as a DIRTY OLD MAN could!
DAFFODILS
by William Wordsworth
I wandered lonely as a cloud,
That floats on high o'er vales and hills,
When all at once I saw a crowd
A host, of golden daffodils;
Beside the lake, beneath the trees,
Fluttering, dancing in the breeze.
Continuous as the stars that shine
And twinkle in the Milky Way,
They stretched in never-ending line
Along the margin of a bay;
Ten thousand saw I at a glance,
Tossing their heads in sprightly dance.
The waves beside them danced, but they
Outdid the sparkling waves in glee;
A poet could not be but gay
In such a jocund company;
I gazed, and gazed, but little thought
What wealth the show to me had brought;
For oft, when on my couch I lie
In vacant or pensive mood,
They flash upon that inward eye
Which is the bliss of solitude;
And then my heart with pleasure fills,
And dances with the daffodils.
HAPPY 80TH BIRTHDAY MAYA ANGELOU, APRIL 4
I KNOW WHY THE CAGED BIRD SINGS, by Maya Angelou
A free bird leaps on the back of the wind
and floats downstream till the current ends
and dips his wing in the orange suns rays and dares to claim the sky.
But a bird that stalks down his narrow cage
can seldom see through his bars of rage
his wings are clipped and his feet are tied so he opens his throat to sing.
The caged bird sings with a fearful trill
of things unknown but longed for still
and his tune is heard on the distant hill
for the caged bird sings of freedom.
The free bird thinks of another breeze
and the trade winds soft through the sighing trees
and the fat worms waiting on a dawn-bright lawn and he names the sky his own.
But a caged bird stands on the grave of dreams
his shadow shouts on a nightmare scream
his wings are clipped and his feet are tied so he opens his throat to sing.
The caged bird sings with a fearful trill
of things unknown but longed for still
and his tune is heard on the distant hill
for the caged bird sings of freedom.
In my family, when a man neglects to fasten the Zipper in his trousers, we always say, "X-Y-Z", which means "EXAMINE YOUR ZIPPER". Last week, standing in line at the Post Office I noticed that a man beside me had his Zipper wide open. I said, "X-Y-Z" to the guy. I have said this for so many years to so many men that I sometimes forget that some men might not know the meaning of "X-Y-Z". I could tell that the man in line didn't understand so I told him about the family saying.
After he zipped his Zipper, he kept getting close to me--uncomfortably close--and he started talking to me in a low voice. As I have hearing loss in one ear, I didn't hear exactly what he was saying, but I knew it wasn't good! Fortunately, it was my turn to get my stamps and leave! Mother warned me not to talk to strangers and I should have listened to her!
At a training session at BMY, one of the instructors quoted, "As Winston Churchill said, "Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it." I raised my hand and told him, "That's actually a quote from George Santayana." The instructor imperiously told me that I was WRONG. My mother always said that I was "briggety" (we can't find the word in ANY dictionary, but we've used it all of our lives), so I challenged him with, "So how much money did your wife let you bring with you today?" [This is the smart-alecky thing my brothers always say when they are ready to bet somebody!] He asked, with great indignation, "What does THAT mean?" I answered, "However much money you have in your wallet is how much I'm going to bet you that I'm RIGHT!" There were a lot of "ooohs" in the classroom and one person said, "I wouldn't want to bet with HER if I were you!"
The instructor did not say another word but, and instead of acting like a stand-up person, he reported me to my boss John Wood, after the class. John told me that my behavior was inappropriate but laughed and said that he wouldn't bet with me either!
I believed that the instructor was the one who behaved inappropriately. The next day, I brought my beloved "Bartlett's Familiar Quotations" to work with me (inscribed from my friend: "We're quite a PAIR--my Bartlett's and ME!"--she knew how I love puns--PAIR/PEAR), and made copies of the quote for the instructor, John Wood, my fellow quote lover Patty, and all of my classmates.
Do you think that the instructor had the graciousness to tell the class he had been wrong? Of course not!
You can imagine what kind of evaluation I gave him!
clem·a·tis pronounced [klem-uh-tis, kli-mat-is]
–noun
any of numerous plants or woody vines of the genus Clematis, including many species cultivated for their showy, variously colored flowers.
1551, from L. Clematis, from Gk. klematis, name of some kind of climbing or trailing plant (probably the periwinkle), from klema "vine-branch."My mother and I loved to watch "The Victory Garden". One Saturday as we were watching, Jim Cockett told about his clematis. He pronounced it : "clem-uh-tus". Mother looked at me and I looked at her with disbelief as we had pronounced it "cluh-mate-us" all of my life! As I always have my trusty Merriam-Webster's Third International Collegiate Dictionary on the basket beside the couch, I casually picked it up thinking that Mr. Crockett had to be in error. The pronunciations in the dictionary [I can't do the upside down e's here, so bear with me] were: klem-et-es, kli-mat-es, kli-mate-es and kli-mah-tes! AAARRRGHH!! I couldn't believe we were wrong! I called my sister-in-law Sheila, my expert on all things botanical, and she agreed with our pronunciation. I called Sheila's mother Wanda who is an even greater authority, and she agreed with us. I ran to our home library and grabbed my beloved Oxford; no "cluh-mate-us" there either. I also checked my Webster's Third New International Dictionary, Unabridged; no "cluh-mate-us" there either. I ran upstairs to look at Les' American College Encyclopedic Dictionary; no "cluh-mate-us" there either! I checked all SIX dictionaries in the house! [I guess there is such a thing as having too many dictionaries, but I don't think so; after all, one of them saved my brother Norman's reputation in the great "toboggan" debate!]
Do you know how difficult it is to quit pronouncing a word WRONG? I cannot tell you the number of times people have looked at me strangely when I have pronounced clematis CORRECTLY. Several people, including one greenhouse owner, have pronounced it incorrectly after me, to let me know that they thought I was wrong! That's a fairly amusing tactic people employ to let one know they think one is wrong, but it always results in my relating the Jim Crockett story!
