Friday, March 18, 2011
I NEED TO GET THE JACKET BACK
When attending parties, get-togethers and other functions, my husband and I have a pre-arranged clue to use to allow the other to know when one's ready to leave. Over the years the clue words change to fit the circumstances.
Early in the marriage we went to a party and Gerald wore a white brocade dinner jacket with a black velvet collar and lapels along with a black velvet bow tie. He looked very dapper. Several people complimented our outfits, but we were obviously overdressed compared to the other guests. It does not bother me to be "overdressed" because I'm so haughty that I think I know the appropriate way to dress for all occasions. When we arrived Gerald said, "Nobody else is this dressed up." He said, "Maybe I should take off the jacket." I told him that then I would be the only one overdressed!
After awhile the party became uncomfortable for us because of the actions of some drinkers--a drunk sloshed a drink on Gerald's dinner jacket--and the drunk offered to pay to have the jacket cleaned but Gerald refused. Gerald said, "Sweetheart, we better be going." The drunk said "Oh, no you don't need to leave, what's your hurry; Sue's the life of the party!"
To this day, Gerald doesn't know why he replied as he did (as our pre-arranged clue was that we would need to leave to get back to let the dog out) but he answered, "I need to get the jacket back." The drunk asked, "Did you rent it?" Gerald told him no but that his nephew wanted to borrow it for a party. The drunk said, "Tonight?"
Strangely, the drunk was making more sense than Gerald. The drunk asked, "Where can you get something cleaned at night?" Gerald was discombobulated and he said, "There's probably some all-night dry cleaners."
In the car I asked, "You need to get the jacket back?" He said, "It just came out that way!" On the way home we played the old game we played as kids: "WHEN THEY HANDED OUT BRAINS, YOU THOUGHT THEY SAID TRAINS". Some examples:
1. "And you said just give me a slow one."
2. "You arrived too late and got a rain check."
3. "You thought they said DRAINS, so you said, give me one with lots of holes."
4. "You thought they said PAINS, so you said, I don't want any."
5. "You thought they said PLANES, so you said, a big one with lots of empty spaces."
The next time I saw the drunk he asked, "Now what was all that about your husband's jacket?"
I answered, "WHAT jacket?"