CARBOHYDRATE HEAVEN

I know you all have people like this in your life: ones who know everything, have been everywhere, know everybody, and do things much better than you ever imagined doing them.

Recently, someone who is a member of an organization to which I also belong, told me that she would be catering the next function for the organization. I said that I thought they always used a caterer we both know well. She said, "Well, I'm going to do it much cheaper for them." I said, "I didn't know you catered." She said that she had extensive catering experience.

As a person who has catered, I was actually interested, and I politely asked what dishes she planned to prepare. All of the dishes she mentioned were commonplace and I said, "Yes, that's standard fare; we'll be in Carbohydrate Heaven." [I thought that was funny because she'd mentioned three pasta entrees.]

Obviously, she did not think I was amusing. She said, with umbrage, "Well, I do my stuff DIFFERENTLY." As I had not meant to be insulting to her, I said, "Good; I get tired of the same old fare." With each dish she mentioned, I inquired how she did it differently, thinking I was going to be treated to a Martha Stewart-like seminar, or at least a Rachael Ray example! She said she was going to prepare Beef Stroganoff. When I asked how she did it differently, her version sounded just the way I've heard and read of it being prepared. As I don't like it, I told her that I didn't think it was a good choice for a banquet as a lot of people were lactose intolerant. She said, "What do you mean?" I said, "Sour cream." She said, "Well, pasta dishes go a long way." I said, "And you also said you were fixing potatoes." She looked at me as if that were a crazy statement. I said, "The others always have a choice of Beef or Chicken." I told her that one of the best catered meals I'd had provided a choice of chicken and pork tenderloin. She said she was going to try to stay away from the meats, because of the expense. I said, "I think most people expect a meat course." She said, "Well, it's Beef Stroganoff." I said, "Honestly, I think most people would consider that a pasta dish."

I asked if there would be any appetizers and when she proceeded to tell me how she fixed the "meatballs with jelly", I said, "Yes, I have that recipe and I see that at a lot of functions, but we prefer the Swedish meatballs." When she mentioned the "little weenies", I said, "We prefer Bourbon Dogs." She said one couldn't have liquor there; I said, "The heat destroys the alcohol and leaves the unique flavor."

Although it may seem that I was, I was actually NOT being critical nor competitive, but I honestly could not glean that anything that she was planning to prepare was any different than others.

Finally, weary of her incessant bragging, I said, "I served a little pate de foie gras at my last gathering, but I was the only one who would eat it!"

Even that did not stop her! She said, "I think a cheese ball will be OK!"

I won't be paying $25.00 for her catered meal!