IF GRANDMA DID

Yesterday, I commented how good the zucchini tasted that I had just prepared for dinner. My brother piped up, "IF GRANDMA DID!", thus the inspiration for this article.

My grandmother was always very boastful, but being a passive-aggressive type, she always qualified her boasts to "fish" for compliments. She would compliment herself by saying, for example, "That pie is really good, IF GRANDMA DID." That was gauged to elicit a compliment from all assembled.

My mother disliked the grandmother's constant prideful vaunting and could not tolerate that unseemly behavior. Any time my siblings and I were caught bragging, one could always expect the admonishment "If Grandma did." from my mother. My mother did not believe in corporal punishment and her method of punishment was to tell us we were "acting just like" some wretched family member. One should never be "briggety" or "too big for your britches", but she was always complimentary to us and bragged about us, but no self-aggrandizement was allowed.

My friend Patty e-mailed me today and wrote that the macaroni and cheese she'd made for the family gathering was "awesome". I responded that I had made Martha Stewart's recipe for "best" macaroni and cheese but that my mother's was better. I then told her that I had also used Joy Behar's recipe for lasagna (which Whoopi said was the best) but that MINE is better.

IF GRANDMA DID!