PHONY PLATITUDES

For the current campaign, the volunteers are provided "scripts" to use for telephoning voters from our "Phone Banks". Yesterday, I was handed an "updated script" and after I briefly looked at the "script", I responded, "I can't possibly say THIS!"  When the Organizer asked why I replied, "Because it's grammatically incorrect."

Looking stunned as probably only a "college junior" could, I was asked, "Whaadah ya mean?"  I replied, "Perhaps you don't know the difference between a transitive and intransitive verb, but I'm sure the erudite voters I'll be calling will."

I returned the script with revisions.  I wrote "KISS" atop the sheet.  I said, "It's too wordy; they would hang up before I could finish that first FAULKNERIAN sentence."  I know that the Organizer is not a "literature major";  perhaps I should have substituted "lengthy" for "Faulknerian" for clarity.

I said, "I don't need to tell people it's a "grassroots campaign", and, OMG, do not expect me to end the spiel with "HAVE A NICE DAY.";  I would slam down the phone if someone said that to me."

The Organizer said, "I don't see anything wrong with that."  I said, "I hate phony platitudes!"

Later, in relating this incident to my brother, he asked, "Aren't all platitudes phony?"

TOUCHE!