Sunday, March 2, 2014


My best friend and I have had exactly ONE argument in our lives; I was wrong and she was right. She is a magnanimous person and has never referred to it again. She is usually RIGHT about nearly everything, but she is not a "Right Fighter". (CLICK HERE to see the article "Are You A Right Fighter?")

However, a former friend and I have the same character flaw as we are both "Right Fighters". In the past, we have gotten along quite well as we agree on politics, religion, and other important issues, but I ended a long relationship with her because I know that I'm right about a serious issue and she thinks she's right. Both of us have to be RIGHT and that's our flaw.

In our disagreement, no doubt I would have kept arguing my point--to no avail--as I considered the disagreement solely between her and me, but then I learned that she was texting mutual friends and acquaintances, trying to convince people of her side. I will NOT resort to those tactics; I won't put other people in the cross-fire of a personal argument. The other difference between us: I don't need validation from other people; it's enough for me to know I'm right. Besides, if others take her side, then they weren't my friends after all!

I "defriended" her on Facebook; removed her from my BLOG followers, and told a mutual friend that I never wanted any further contact with her. The only reason I involved the mutual friend is because that friend is the one who alerted me to the situation which had caused the disagreement!

I recognize and admit that I am a "right fighter" and know that it's an undesirable trait. I doubt if she is introspective enough to examine her behavior and would not recognize the fault in herself. Am I going to change? Probably not. Will she change? Probably not; I think she is even more intransigent than I.

At times, in the past, I have regretted my being a "right fighter", but with this incident, I have no regret in ending the relationship because the lies and ad hominem remarks are too reprehensible to be forgiven. In my entire life, during arguments, I have never resorted to petty, personal attacks, but I also would never hesitate to call out a lie.

I like lively discourse and a good exchange of ideas, but I won't be a doormat just to get along with people.

I have another friend who is also a "right fighter" and during disagreements, she becomes very loud and emotional, and continues to argue, even when presented with irrefutable facts. She will never admit to being wrong, and when "cornered", she attempts to change the subject, and throw in extraneous material which has no relevance to the dialogue! (I write "attempts" because I do not let her get away with it), but she never resorts to using nasty personal remarks, thus I accept her bull-headedness.

1 comment:

Arminta said...

Your screed referring to me is a very good example of your agressive behaviour. You are only angry because you are not used to anyone standing up to you. You are correct about one thing, YOU ended our relationship. That's sad for me because I have considered you a good friend. But please now, just leave me and my family alone. Our "mutual friend" is my family too, in case you have forgotten, so stop trying to cause trouble.