Yesterday, for the fifth time since I've known her, she brought up this story: when she and my brother were in grade school they drew names for a Christmas exchange and my brother had her name. The limit for the exchange presents was $1.00 My brother's gift to her was a bottle of Evening In Paris eau de toilette. Each time she tells the story it is in great detail and she dramatically tells of her embarrassment and humiliation because of receiving "toilet water". She even said that she couldn't believe a parent would have allowed a child to give it. Since the first time of hearing her tell the story, I have allowed her to prattle without comment, but wondered what her purpose was in telling the story if not to cause me embarrassment. As I believe that nobody can embarrass me except myself, her purpose is not successful.
Two years ago we were attending an event and the woman sat down at our table without asking if we were expecting others to sit with us. [Did I already mention she's presumptuous?] During subsequent conversation, a friend at the table mentioned that the food there could not compete with my brother's cooking. After learning that the brother mentioned was her former classmate, the woman interrupted and began telling her "toilet water" story. [Did I already mention she has bad manners?] A friend who was sitting next to me listened to the story and then commented, "Too bad you didn't keep that bottle; it's selling on E-Bay for $50.00!" I doubt that she realized that she'd been put down. [Did I already mention that she's dense?]
When we went through the buffet line the friend said they were going to sit at another table because the woman was, to use the friend's word, "insufferable". I said to our friend, "Fifty dollars? Really? It's selling for that much?" He laughed and said, "Well, maybe $10.00!"
Last year, at another gathering, she brought up the story again. After her telling the story, another friend said, "It's too bad you didn't know about the strengths of fragrances or you would really have appreciated it." She looked dumbfounded and then asked what that meant and the friend explained that perfume had the greatest strength and next was eau de toilette with cologne being the weakest. The acquaintance responded by saying that it was "toilet water" and the friend patiently explained that although "toilet water" was the literal translation, in French toilette didn't mean a commode. [Did I already mention she's dumb?] The friend continued, "I'll bet it had eau de toilette on the label." I don't think she realized that she had been put down again.
When she told the story AGAIN last night another friend asked, "Did you write a thank-you card for such a nice present?"
With friends like these I don't even need to comment to her.
Today, when I told my brother about the latest conversation he said, "By the way, it was you who bought that Evening In Paris for me to give to her." I said, "Well, if she tells it again that will be my coup de grace to tell her that!" He said, "You know that'll be the same as saying eau de toilettee to her!"
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