From The Huffington Post:
In recent weeks, scores of men and women have
come forward with stories of facts of sexual violence
perpetrated by prominent people. Allegations against
Harvey Weinstein opened the
floodgates; now actor Kevin Spacey, comedian
Louis C.K., Alabama senate candidate Roy Moore
and others have also now joined that ignominious list.
In recent weeks, scores of men and women have
come forward with stories of facts of sexual violence
perpetrated by prominent people. Allegations against
Harvey Weinstein opened the
floodgates; now actor Kevin Spacey, comedian
Louis C.K., Alabama senate candidate Roy Moore
and others have also now joined that ignominious list.
On Saturday, Roy Moore defended himself against
allegations of sexual misconduct by ― surprise,
surprise ―attacking his victim. In defense of himself,
he said, “To think that grown women would wait
40 years... to bring charges is absolutely unbelievable.”
See complete article below:
REASONS WHY
VICTIMS DON'T TELL THEIR STORIES OF SEXUAL VIOLENCE
allegations of sexual misconduct by ― surprise,
surprise ―attacking his victim. In defense of himself,
he said, “To think that grown women would wait
40 years... to bring charges is absolutely unbelievable.”
See complete article below:
REASONS WHY
VICTIMS DON'T TELL THEIR STORIES OF SEXUAL VIOLENCE
I, like many victims, took decades to find the courage to
name my abuser and seek justice for the crimes he
committed when I was a child. Many victims either never
disclose or wait years to share their stories.
name my abuser and seek justice for the crimes he
committed when I was a child. Many victims either never
disclose or wait years to share their stories.
Perpetrators and their allies undermine victims’ credibility
and impugn their character.
If you own a TV, read the newspaper, or have an Internet
connection, you have seen how victims are portrayed in
the media when they come forward.The community often
rallies around the perpetrator and pillories the victim.
If you have ever interacted with a victim or supporters of
an alleged perpetrator, you have probably witnessed this.
Predators groom individuals and entire communities so
that they gain the trust of victims and so that they have
a convenient “good guy” cover in place in case they are
exposed.
Victims face a barrage of questions when they
come forward instead of the sympathy and support they
need. Why didn’t you speak out sooner? Why didn’t you
try to stop the attacks? These questions add to the
trauma and horror of sexual violence.
Victims sometimes have kept in touch with their
perpetrators. Maybe they continued dating, working
together, or interacting politely at family events.
Continued contact with a perpetrator is also very
common. Often
this factor alone keeps victims trapped in silence.
Not reporting allows a victim to maintain the fantasy
that people in positions of responsibility would be
helpful if he or she did report.
Reporting often crushes that fantasy when responsible
people protect themselves and the perpetrator instead.
A lot of victims prefer you create an alternate reality,
one in which the abuse didn’t happen.
If a victim is hiding behind a facade of success,
competence, and achievement, admitting past abuse
can shatter that facade. Being the victim of sexual
violence is highly stigmatized. No high-functioning
person wants to be viewed as damaged. Victims find
it easier to pretend to be normal and live a lie than
face the horror of sexual abuse and trauma.Victims
often fear that coming forward will result in the loss
of employment, support network, housing,
reputation,and even their lives.
Victims involved in athletics and extra-curricular
activities may fear loss of playing time and access to
important opportunities.
Some victims simply don’t remember. I had suppressed
the memories of my abuse and still do not have linear
memories of it. In the case of child sexual abuse (and
oftentimes abuse of adults), reporting can disrupt
every relationship important to the victim. Family
members and friends choose the easier narrative: that
the victim is lying. Believing someone has lied is easier
than believing that a loved one has raped a child.
Victims might not know who to tell. Do you tell a friend?
A pastor? The police? Since sexual violence is
shrouded in a code of silence, sometimes the
impediment to timely reporting is that victims literally
do not know what to do.
Some may not even realize initially they have been a
victim of sexual violence in the first place.Some victims
are under the mistaken impression that you cannot
report at all if you do not report immediately.Some
victims tried to report and were told there was no
recourse. In some cases, victims disclosed to allies of
the perpetrator who told them not to tell anyone else,
further fortifying the prison of silence. Who would take
the risk and report again after that?
Victims may have been committed a crime or infraction
of rules around the time of the crime. Underage victims
who have been drinking at a party, for example, could
fear getting in trouble and decide it is not worth the
risk of reporting the sexual assault.
Naming an act of sexual violence makes it real.
Keeping silent is a way of protecting oneself.The victim
feels indebted to the perpetrator. For example, if the
victim is an elite athlete, he or she may feel as if she
owes the coach his or her silence.
Child victims may have been under the misguided
impression that they were in a consensual
relationship with a much older person. In this case, it
can take a long time to realize that the “relationship”
was actuallya sexual crime.
and impugn their character.
If you own a TV, read the newspaper, or have an Internet
connection, you have seen how victims are portrayed in
the media when they come forward.The community often
rallies around the perpetrator and pillories the victim.
If you have ever interacted with a victim or supporters of
an alleged perpetrator, you have probably witnessed this.
Predators groom individuals and entire communities so
that they gain the trust of victims and so that they have
a convenient “good guy” cover in place in case they are
exposed.
Victims face a barrage of questions when they
come forward instead of the sympathy and support they
need. Why didn’t you speak out sooner? Why didn’t you
try to stop the attacks? These questions add to the
trauma and horror of sexual violence.
Victims sometimes have kept in touch with their
perpetrators. Maybe they continued dating, working
together, or interacting politely at family events.
Continued contact with a perpetrator is also very
common. Often
this factor alone keeps victims trapped in silence.
Not reporting allows a victim to maintain the fantasy
that people in positions of responsibility would be
helpful if he or she did report.
Reporting often crushes that fantasy when responsible
people protect themselves and the perpetrator instead.
A lot of victims prefer you create an alternate reality,
one in which the abuse didn’t happen.
If a victim is hiding behind a facade of success,
competence, and achievement, admitting past abuse
can shatter that facade. Being the victim of sexual
violence is highly stigmatized. No high-functioning
person wants to be viewed as damaged. Victims find
it easier to pretend to be normal and live a lie than
face the horror of sexual abuse and trauma.Victims
often fear that coming forward will result in the loss
of employment, support network, housing,
reputation,and even their lives.
Victims involved in athletics and extra-curricular
activities may fear loss of playing time and access to
important opportunities.
Some victims simply don’t remember. I had suppressed
the memories of my abuse and still do not have linear
memories of it. In the case of child sexual abuse (and
oftentimes abuse of adults), reporting can disrupt
every relationship important to the victim. Family
members and friends choose the easier narrative: that
the victim is lying. Believing someone has lied is easier
than believing that a loved one has raped a child.
Victims might not know who to tell. Do you tell a friend?
A pastor? The police? Since sexual violence is
shrouded in a code of silence, sometimes the
impediment to timely reporting is that victims literally
do not know what to do.
Some may not even realize initially they have been a
victim of sexual violence in the first place.Some victims
are under the mistaken impression that you cannot
report at all if you do not report immediately.Some
victims tried to report and were told there was no
recourse. In some cases, victims disclosed to allies of
the perpetrator who told them not to tell anyone else,
further fortifying the prison of silence. Who would take
the risk and report again after that?
Victims may have been committed a crime or infraction
of rules around the time of the crime. Underage victims
who have been drinking at a party, for example, could
fear getting in trouble and decide it is not worth the
risk of reporting the sexual assault.
Naming an act of sexual violence makes it real.
Keeping silent is a way of protecting oneself.The victim
feels indebted to the perpetrator. For example, if the
victim is an elite athlete, he or she may feel as if she
owes the coach his or her silence.
Child victims may have been under the misguided
impression that they were in a consensual
relationship with a much older person. In this case, it
can take a long time to realize that the “relationship”
was actuallya sexual crime.
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