THE PHILOSOPHY OF AMBIGUITY

From PATTY BURCH

AMBIGUITY: an expression that can be variously interpreted.

1. ONE TEQUILA, TWO TEQUILA, THREE TEQUILA...... FLOOR.

2. I WENT TO A BOOKSTORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN, "WHERE'S
THE SELF- HELP SECTION?" SHE SAID IF SHE TOLD ME, IT WOULD
DEFEAT THE PURPOSE.

3. WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?

4. IF A DEAF CHILD SIGNS SWEAR WORDS, DOES HIS MOTHER WASH HIS HANDS
WITH SOAP?

5. IF SOMEONE WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES THREATENS TO KILL HIMSELF,
IS IT CONSIDERED A HOSTAGE SITUATION?

6. IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?

7. WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU SEE AN ENDANGERED ANIMAL EATING AN
ENDANGERED PLANT?

8. IF A PARSLEY FARMER IS SUED, CAN THEY GARNISH HIS WAGES?

9. WOULD A FLY WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A WALK?

10. WHY DO THEY LOCK GAS STATION BATHROOMS? ARE THEY AFRAID
SOMEONE WILL BREAK-IN AND CLEAN THEM?

11. IF A TURTLE DOESN'T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS OR NAKED?

12. CAN VEGETARIANS EAT ANIMAL CRACKERS?

13. IF THE POLICE ARREST A MUTE, DO THEY TELL HIM HE HAS THE RIGHT TO
REMAIN SILENT?

14. WHY DO THEY PUT BRAILLE ON THE DRIVE-THROUGH BANK MACHINES?

15. HOW DO THEY GET DEER TO CROSS THE ROAD ONLY AT THOSE YELLOW
ROAD SIGNS?

16. WHAT WAS THE BEST THING BEFORE SLICED BREAD?

17. ONE NICE THING ABOUT EGOTISTS: THEY DON'T TALK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE.

18. DOES THE LITTLE MERMAID WEAR AN ALGEBRA?
(This one took me a minute)

19. HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A CIVIL WAR?

20. IF ONE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMER DROWNS, DO THE REST DROWN TOO?

21. IF YOU ATE BOTH PASTA AND ANTIPASTO, WOULD YOU STILL BE HUNGRY?

22. IF YOU TRY TO FAIL, AND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU DONE?

23. WHY IS THERE AN EXPIRATION DATE ON SOUR CREAM?

24. CAN AN ATHEIST GET INSURANCE AGAINST ACTS OF GOD?

25. WHY DO SHOPS HAVE SIGNS "GUIDE DOGS ONLY"; THE DOGS CAN'T READ AND
THEIR OWNERS ARE BLIND?