Thursday, January 7, 2016
THE THREE OLDEST LIES IN THE WORLD--UPDATE
The old joke:
"THE THREE OLDEST LIES IN THE WORLD":
1. The check's in the mail.
2. I'm from the government and I'm here to help you.
3. I'll still respect you in the morning (oh, I cleaned it up for my readers' consumption; I've been known to tell the actual lie in private conversation).
The following are actual lies and excuses I have heard during my career and I am embarrassed to admit, I've actually uttered some of them myself:
4. We're family here. You're a part of the family!
5. It's in the Contract (Handbook).
6. John said, Sue said (he said, she said, they said).
7. It's only a cold sore.
8. I'm not that kind of girl.
9. It was OK when it left my area.
10. But that's the way we've always done it.
11. They're working on it (it's on order).
12. It can't be hot--I don't have them yet.
13. If you do this, I promise I won't ask you for anything else.
14. They told us that in Orientation.
15. This won't hurt anyone.
16. We're here to work as a team.
17. I 'll get back to you (I'll put it on my list, I'll make a note of it, I'll take
a look at it).
18. I don't usually do this on the first date!
19. We're an equal employment opportunity employer.
20. No, we're not hiring.
21. You'll be promoted on merit.
22. You'll be let go according to your evaluation.
23. I promise I won't tell anyone (I know how to keep a secret).
24. It'll never happen again.
25. I'll have the part there before the line goes down (The part will be there in
26. A.O. Smith has a quality department.
27. We have a just-in-time system (Just-in-case)
28. I don't have any extra people.
29. I'm not the regular crew chief.
30. It's not in the specs.
31. It's an ongoing process.
32. It's not on my breakdown (it's not my job, I'm not paid to do that).
33. The warehouse is only a half-hour away.
34. It's logged in (it's in the Macro).
35. I'm just a temp.
36. Yes, these are safety glasses.
37. It didn't get this way overnight-it's not going to change overnight.
38. Figures don't lie (but liars can figure).
39. We'll do lunch.
40. Don't call me-I'll call you.
41. I'll see you after this appointment.
42. You're looking good.
43. He's the same as all the other customers.
44. It's not good--but what will they take?
45. My Grandmother died--(5 or 6 times).
46. I was absent because of jet lag.
47. I thought that you were going to take care of it.
48. I love him like a brother.
49. It's worked for twenty years--let's leave it alone.
50. I just got here (I've only been here 5 minutes)
51. I'm late--because of: car trouble, alarm clock, traffic ticket, my wife didn't
wake me up).
AND THE BEST:
52. TRUST ME!
53. I'll pencil you in to my Blackberry.
54. You're not in the system.
55. It's at the Lab.
56. Will advise.
57. It was a scanning error.
And the one from yesterday's article:
58. SUE DIDN'T CALL ME TO WAKE ME!
No doubt I'll have SIXTY by the end of this year!