EVENING IN PARIS

An acquaintance of mine went to school with my youngest brother and she always asks about him whenever I see her. I have known her since 2004. She is a loud, obnoxious person but I try to be civil to her.

Yesterday, for the FIFTH time since I've known her, she brought up this story: when she and my brother were in grade school they drew names for a Christmas exchange and my brother had her name. The limit for the exchange presents was $1.00 My brother's gift to her was a bottle of "Evening In Paris" toilet water. She always tells the story in great detail and dramatically tells of her embarrassment and humiliation because of receiving toilet water. She even said that she couldn't believe a parent would have allowed a child to give it! Since the first time of hearing her tell the story, I have allowed her to prattle without comment, but wondered what her purpose was in telling the story if not to cause me embarrassment. As I believe that nobody can embarrass me EXCEPT myself, her purpose is not successful.

Two years ago we were attending an event and the woman sat down at our table without asking if we were expecting others to sit with us. [Did I already mention she's presumptuous?] Someone at the table mentioned that the food there could not compete with my brother's cooking. Before I could respond, the woman interrupted and began telling the toilet water story. [Did I already mention she has bad manners?] A good friend who was sitting next to me listened to the story and then commented, "Too bad you didn't keep that bottle; it's selling on E-Bay for $50.00!" She didn't know that she'd been put down. [Did I already mention that she's dense?] When we went through the buffet line our friends said they were going to sit at another table because the woman was, to use the friend's word, "insufferable"! At the table, I said to our friend, "FIFTY dollars?" He laughed and said, "Well, maybe $10.00!"

Last year, at another gathering, she brought up the story again. After her telling the story, another friend said, "It's too bad you didn't know about the strengths of fragrances or you would really have appreciated it." She looked dumfounded and then asked what that meant and the friend explained that perfume had the greatest strength and then eau de toilette--toilet water--was the next in strength and cologne had the least strength. The friend continued, "You were lucky to get the eau de toilette because it's costlier than cologne." She said she didn't know that eau de toilette was toilet water. [Did I already mention she's dumb?] The friend continued, "In French, toilette doesn't mean a commode!" I don't think she realized that she had been put down again.

When she told the story AGAIN last night another friend asked, "Did you write a thank-you card for such a nice present?"

With friends like these I don't even need to comment to her.

Today, when I told my brother about it he said, "It's sad that she can't find anything else to talk about!" He continued, "And, by the way, it was YOU who bought "Evening In Paris" for me to give to her." I said, "Well, if she tells it again that will be my coup de grace to tell her that!" He said, "You know that'll be the same as saying eau de toilette to her!"