THE WORLD'S BEST POLICE OFFICER

I've promised--to Gerald, my family, my friends, and my insurance agent--that I would quit speeding!

On my birthday I was stopped by the WORLD'S BEST POLICE OFFICER who asked me, "Do you know why I stopped you?" I said, "Because you wanted to tell me Happy Birthday."

Oh, no, what is it about me that I can't resist charming repartee? [Oh, you're saying that you don't consider that charming repartee?]

Fortunately the WORLD'S BEST POLICE OFFICER was in a pleasant mood. He said, "No, ma'am, I stopped you because you were going 44 in a 25." I gasped, "Oh, no, I am not used to my car; this is my birthday present and it's showing KILOMETERS instead of miles." [Now, I am willing to wager he hasn't heard THAT excuse.] He asked, "May I see your license and registration?" I handed my license and insurance card to him and said, "I haven't received the registration yet; as a matter of fact, my husband called today about it and he was told it was in the mail." He asked, "When did you buy it--do you have the bill of sale with you?" I answered, "It's at home; I can call Whiteside's; I have them on Speed-Dial; or I can call my husband; it's only 2 blocks away!" I picked up my phone. He told me to put down the phone.

THE WORLD'S BEST POLICE OFFICER gave me the following tips about mistakes I'd made during the encounter:

1. I jumped out of my car before he got out of his vehicle. I did that to get my purse which in the back seat. He said that I should not have done that because it might appear I was getting a weapon.

2. Wait until he asks for the information. Keep my hands on the wheel.

3. Don't pick up my phone, etc.

He asked, "Do you remember I was the one who stopped you at your last traffic offense?" (CLICK HERE to see the BLOG article "BOBBY SUE RAYHAL") I gulped, recalling that incident. He said, "You gave me a lot of guff that time." [YES, he actually used the word "GUFF") I said, quite sweetly, "Oh, I didn't do that; I would NEVER give any GUFF to a police officer!" I continued, "I just wondered WHY you were asking me where I was going and then you told me that the way I told you I'd come wasn't the right way." He answered, "If I don't know a person, then I have a different set of questions." I said, "Well, I was offended; I thought you meant I was doing something wrong by being out after midnight then; I thought that you thought I might be drinking." He said, "Well, we have reasons for asking the questions." I said, "I told you that night I was a member of MADD and I'd never had a drink in my life!" He said, "Yes, I remember." Thinking that discretion was the better part of valor, I did NOT mention that I had brought up the Fourth Amendment back then and hoped he'd forgotten that tidbit.

He then told me he was just giving me a warning and said, "Happy Birthday and no speeding!"

Yes, THE WORLD'S BEST POLICE OFFICER!