Saturday, March 30, 2013


OK, I admit, I have sick humor! Many years ago, I heard my first "BOB" joke:

"What do you call a guy with no arms and legs who likes to go swimming? BOB"

Over the years, I have maintained a collection of "BOB" and "BARB" jokes, much to the dismay of family and friends. Just let anyone say, "Hey, remember BOB jokes?" and I'm on a roll. Recently, a friend introduced another generation to BOB jokes and asked me, (dubbing me "the VENERABLE ONE") for my assistance. "Should I or should I not?" I wondered. How could I disappoint a new generation?

What do you call a guy with no arms and legs who water skis? SKIP
is in your mailbox? BILL 
 hangs on your wall? ART 
 is in front of your door? MATT 
 is under a car? JACK 
 rakes leaves? RUSSELL 
 was with wild animals? CLAUDE 
 is covered with cement? ROCK 
 was stoned to death? ROCKY 
 plays golf? CHIP 
 is on stage? MIKE 
 is in a vehicle? OTTO 
 is under a microscope? GENE 
 was struck by lightning? ROD 
 is in your spice rack? HERB or BASIL
 is in a flowerbed? PETE 
 flies over a fence? HOMER
 is in a bank vault? RICH 
 is in a hole? PHIL 
 is on 2 wheels? AXEL
 is in a coffee cup? JOE 
 is in a bank? BUCK 
 is covered with sauerkraut? REUBEN 
 is in a fireplace? BERNIE 
 is in a men's room? JOHN 
 is in a grocery bag? CARY 
 has been in collisions? REX 
 loosens Hex screws? ALLEN 
 is buried 6 feet under? DOUG 
 is buried 3 feet under? DOUGLAS 
 was cooked by cannibals? STU 
 is foaming at the mouth? BUD 
 is at a news desk? JUSTIN 
 is covered with glue? ELMER 
 is on a piece of paper? MARK 
 is covered with oil? DEREK 
 is remembered by the deceased? WILL 
 who does his own shaving? NICK
 is between two buildings? ALI 
 is in the end zone? SPIKE 
 whose head is underwater? DUNCAN 
 is an electrician? SPARKY 
 is under a bed? DUSTY 
 is in a lingerie drawer? TEDDY 
 is in a bathtub? DWAYNE

I can't have BOB jokes without including BARB jokes:

What do you call a woman with no arms and legs caught in a fence? BARB against a wall? EILEEN 
 floating on a pond? LILY 
 in a vase? ROSE 
 who feels worthless? PENNY 
 in a stream? BROOKE 
 holding a coat? PEG 
 on a beach? SANDY 
 with a breaking wind problem? GALE 
 in a frying pan? PAM 
 in a box of chocolates? CANDY 
 hanging from a chandelier? TIFFANY 
 on your dining room table? CRYSTAL 
 between two slices of bread? PATTY

I've saved the self-deprecating one until last:

What do you call a woman with no arms and legs bringing a lawsuit to court? SUE

At least I didn't include HELEN KELLER jokes!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I'm not so nice: my favorite Helen Keller joke: "Why did she play the piano with 1 hand?" OK, so, I am embarrassed to tell the punch line! ML